Week 2 Recap

HOLY OFFENSIVE EXPLOSIONS BATMAN!!! Last week we have 5 players go over the 100 point mark, this week 8. 8! 8!!! It's a 12 team league for crying out-loud, and two thirds of it scored over 100 points this week.Worst part is that the 4 guys who didn't score in the triple digits played each other. How does that work out? Here's how crazy this week was, Alec had the 8th highest scoring week ever(prior to taking into account any additional scores from the week)...and he lost!!! What? Death, last years third place finisher, had his second highest point total, and lost. Two teams went off and scored over 134 points, one of which was last years champion and the other...the guy who drafted third this year. It's like Kevin Garnett says... anything is possible. Next thing you know I'll be mentioning that Jason is 2-0. Wait...what? He is? Really? Oh man I can't keep up with this. In fact I'm going to take a little bit of a breather from talking fantasy football and focus on telling everyone about my Sunday night with Alec.

So Alec swung by around halftime of the 4 o'clock games, and though he denies it, he was feeling pretty good already.  We talk about the Redskins win...I mean Alec tells me about the Redskins victory for 28 minutes straight. I'm pretty sure the only words I said were "Whats up?" "Wanna beer, I only have Boh?" and "That's awesome" (which is basically what I say when I know the other person wants to keep talking but needs to hear I comprehend how amazing their story is). In case you're wondering Alec is basically a 17 year old unpopular girl who is afraid the popular kid in school (Rex Grossman) may not be genuine in his courtship towards Alec. He seems to mean well, and he says all the right things, but every once in a while he does something dumb like flirt with another girl right in front of Alec (aka dumb interceptions). The popular boy swears he is going and is trying to change, and Alec really really wants to believe him...but it could hurt too much if Rex reverts back to his old cheating/turnover ways.

Once Alec had gotten everything out of his system (to his defense his team is totally overachieving and is 2-0 while my Ravens served everyone in Tennessee a double decker crap sandwich dropping to 1-1, so yea I may have been a bit bitter) Alec and I got to talking about fantasy and who has who, who looks good, and he may have asked me 7 times who owns Fred Jackson (Pitz is your answer since I know you're thinking about it).  This prompts me to turn to Alec and straight face ask him if he is as worried about losing Tom Brady as I am about losing Drew Brees after their expiring contracts. Alec doesn't even sweat it. "Nope. Tommy doesn't get hit. He's like Peyton. He has plenty of good years left in him." At this point I break the awful news that Alec loses Tommy after the 2012 season. He didn't take it well. I can't think of anything that makes the same sort of howling/crying/panting/angry/depressed noises he made. Let me stress that for second, just noises. For a solid two minutes Alec was failing to properly use the English language till acceptance started to kick in.

There is a reason acceptance kicked in, Tommy had just thrown a laser of a touchdown to one of the tight ends (I'm sure it was Gronkowski, because why the fuck wouldn't it have been?) and at this point Alec can no longer be upset about losing Tommy, he decides to just enjoy the time they have together. Like they say "tis better to love and lost then to have never loved at all". We rewind how cool Tommy looks as he throws ropes for touchdowns. (Side bar. Have you noticed that it doesn't even sound lame that I've been calling Tom Brady "Tommy" for 2 paragraphs? Somehow he hasn't lost his cool factor because of it. This is the complete opposite of the "Matthew" factor from last week. OR!!! Maybe its a new level to the "Matthew Theory". What if you have to come into your own as a shortened name, like Matt or Tom but once you reach a certain level it doesn't matter what they call you? This will be an ongoing thing for 2011 so I hope to come to some sort or resolution by the end of the season.) At this point Alec and I are just fantasy focused. Constantly rooting for Philip Rivers to throw picks and for Tommy to throw td's to Aaron Hernandez. When The Law Firm (this is the last time I type BenJarvis Green-Ellis his nickname is too cool, also while I'm at it Calvin Johnson will from here on out be Megatron and Darren McFadden will be RunDMC) busts out a 20 plus yard TD run and I sink back with a sick feeling in my stomach, starting to realize I may lose this week. Only then do I notice Alec cursing at the television. "THAT'S BULLSHIT!!! THAT'S TOMMY'S FUCKING TOUCH DOWN PASS GODDAMNIT!!! FUCK THAT MAN. FUCK THAT." My day has so far consisted of working all day, hearing about the Ravens laying an egg and watching my 86-4 lead start to vanish and at this point I watch Alec and decide today might be ok. As the 4 o'clock games start to wind down Alec and I debate and reenact our favorite quarterbacks. I say Drew Brees is the most fun to watch because he is so fundamentally sound. Alec shows me how cool Tommy looks when he throws and how his hair just flows in the wind. The best part is with Alec's long locks now it kinda looked like this. Not exactly the same of course, Alec's was much funnier and I did not have the same look Ross had in his eyes.

4 o'clock games come to an end and it's time to for once of the best things ever invented; Redzone is going to show us every touchdown from the entire day. Alec asks me again who owns Fred Jackson, it's still Pitz if you have forgotten just like he had. We all react to different things and of course I see the first Jahvid Best touchdown and let out a real nice "JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHVID", allowing for Alec to ask me what that's about. Alec must be the only person in the league not to understand my Jahvid Best man crush. I reenact last years draft and mock Peach's stupid pick of Peyton Manning first overall.  At this point its time to get beer and pizza, because naturally we are out of beer and that's why we need pizza.We sit back and start enjoying the Micheal Vick experience and naturally break down the so called "Dream Team". We agree there is something missing about this team and we both try to describe it but to no avail. Then we figure it out!!! You see the Eagles, we decide lacks the "Dick Factor", hence as some point in the season will be covered in shit. Nothing has ever been so clear to me before, though we are about 8 silver bullets deep at this point.

Now all game Alec has been ripping Micheal Vick. My favorite point he makes is one time Vick goes to throw and before the ball is released Alec, sounding just like Cris Collinsworth, points out "Look at him. He doesn't care if he completes this pass as long as he looks cool." on cue Vick completes a pass to an Atlanta Falcon. This immediately leads to a Tony Gonzalez touchdown and the Alec vrs. Kirby match up has gotten really, really interesting. Now again forgive me if I am mixing up the chronological order but I don't exactly remember the correct time frame, but not to long after the Tony G touchdown (or maybe it was the second Tony G touchdown, things are getting fuzzy) the Falcons fumble the ball and Alec is cheering like "Sexy Rexy" Grossman just walked in my front door. I give him a stare that would indicate that I feel Alec must be so drunk now that he can't tell red from green. Nope, hes just worried about Kirby. "Tony G cant score if ATL doesnt have the ball". WOW. The power of fantasy. Well of course right after this Jeremy Maclin scores to solidify my loss and then Tony G gets his third touchdown to hand Alec his first loss of the season. Alec is now back on the Eagles hating bandwagon and me and him are debating Hollywood actors (because that is the natural progression). Yes the game is going on but he refuses to accept that there is a better actor in the world then Leonardo DiCaprio. I fight saying Tom Hanks is easily the best of our generation, but is not producing late in his career. Alec tells me that Hanks has never tried to show off his "dark side" and it limits his range. I then counter with Leo's skill set is no better then Matt Damon, and now Alec begins to see my side. We are approaching a stalemate in the DiCaprio/Damn debate, and well what do you know the game is over. Go Falcons. Alec now has to go home and study because he has to know the entire outline of an airport by 9am. Good luck buddy. On to the top 12 list.

ZUnstoppableForce - Lars - Wow. Not only am I shocked that he is up here, but he changed his team name AND talked trash. This is by far the most active week for Lars in the history of IDP. All kidding aside this week was sick! Lars lead the league in scoring this week by cranking out 134.4 points, 4th highest total in our young leagues history. To get a total like that you need alot of your guys to play like studs, and Tony Romo(21.8), Larry Fitzgerald(19.3), Micheal Turner(19.6), and as I sit here and eat crow Beanie Wells(15.3)(still no way he keeps this up before an injury ends this season) did just that. Now here's the funny part, I continue to call everyone not named Will Ray stupid for not taking Matt Forte and that still includes Larsen. Lars takes Miles Austin and gets 30.10 points from him this week and thinks I'm going to back off him. NOPE not yet. I still think that move was terrible and well will know it to be true by the end of the season.

Just The Tip Drill - Pitz - Well now we can talk more about Forte can't we? Dude had a bit of a down week only scoring 16.6 points this week, but it was enough to get Pitz  in the win column. The most impressive part of Pitz's win this week is that other then his tight end, Kellen Winslow, Pitz managed to get double digits from every player in his starting line up. Oh by the way if you didn't notice Pitz has Fred Jackson, on his bench...scoring 26 points. Just saying.

Wu Rule #1 - Jason - I'm noticing a disturbing trend here. Jason is the last of the 2-0 teams. Of them 0 made the play offs, and they make up 3 of the top 4 draft picks. Parity is among us my friends. Last year I had three trends, 1) was make fun of Peach for the Peyton pick, 2) was make fun of Kirby for the Boldin deal, and 3) was some sort of self-loathing Jahvid Best talk (ah what a year makes). This year I am going to continue to rip Lars and Jason for skipping on the best talent in the draft, Matt Forte (the Greg Jennings pick is defensible). At least Lars can throw a 30 point performance from Miles Austin in my face, Jason...well Jason can't because he had such little faith in the #2 overall draft pick that he benched him. Wow. The sad part is that Jason still won, we'll talk about Hittner later.

Grundy Grabbers - Alec - I gotta talk about this guy more??? Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy!!!! Seriously though I spent a lot of time writing that intro that if you guys wanna read this tomorrow (Thursday) morning I'm going to need to start flying through some of these. But if you still feel you need more Alec in your life Tommy Touchdown is silly(29.22), AllDay (maybe Peterson has reached the nickname holy grail, still to be determined) is a stud (26.10) and its a damn shame Aaron Hernandez is out for awhile(12.20). I really wish I had done a better job of breaking down the excitement that was Alec vrs Kirby. Mistake I won't make again.


Grundle Stains - Titus - RUNDMC scores 24.30, Ray Rice 15.60, Megatron 14.90 and the tight end Dustin Keller scores 16.10, of course Titus would lose...to Larsen. It still seems bizarre to say some of the things that have been going on this season at this point. I mean this is as strange as the WWE following up the amazing CM Punk shoot promo and "Money in the Bank" victory (even if you hate wrestling watch this enterance) to a staged angle with a kneeless Kevin Nash leading to another boring Triple H match and some stupid sledgehammer. Sad part is I didn't even see the last pay per view I made that assumption and was informed I was in fact correct. Punk doesn't have boring matches ever! Ugh, I hate Triple H. It's just such a shame that the WWE finally gets something everyone cares about since the Rock was around and they are just tanking it. Ugh. So frustrating. Wait, how did I get here?

FreshPrincesOfBelAir - Stilt - So remember that 22 bet Pitz, AD and Dan had about everyone at the draft? I think Stilt won. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about Pitz, AD and Dan had a draft about who would draft/pick up Cam Newton first, the winner gets the favorite 22oz beer of the two losers. Well two 400 yard passing games later and well I really wish I had helped AD win. Damn this kid looks good. Best part, Stilt kept Matt Ryan and Cam has been sitting on the bench. I'll throw it out there, if you need a quarterback, I'd probably offer Stilt a trade. Just saying. So other then CamIAm what else went right for Stilt, since he to knows the feeling of scoring triple digits and failing to taste victory? Well his three keepers Matty Ice (22.40), Andre Johnson (15.30) and Rashard Mendenhall (13.80) all went for over double digits. Also, Ryan Mathews with 18.60 points this week...who knew?

corn on the kolb - Kirby - Bravo. Not only is Tony Gonzalez Hispanic (a joke from our draft for those of you who arn't familiar with all the inside jokes to this league) but he just won an epic contest for Kirby. The tight end we all assumed was washed up dropped a hot steamy 20.3 on the Grundy Grabbers. Ok seriously what is up with our grundle obsession this year? Atleast Alec's is a reference to where he lives, but what the hell is Titus talking about? What are these Grundle Stains he deals with? Maybe its a joke but now I'm kinda creeped out about it. Are we talking about really big streaks, or does he have a leak somewhere he shouldn't? Even worse is there some slang that I no longer get, but Titus does? Oh man, this is worse then finding out Larsen has the number one team in the league. Side bar, I dont even feel guilty changing topics during Kirby's write up, just feels fitting.

First or Last - Dan - Or 8th. I guess I had this coming when I ranted about the name change last week. But come on 130 plus points with Arian and CJ2K scoring 10 total points? Not fair. Not fair at all. During the Eagles game DeSean Jackson suffered an injury so of course Jeremy Maclin gets to blow up for 29.2 points. It's ok atleast Aaron Hernandez didn't get hurt leaving Rob Gronkowski to be the only pass catching tight end for Tom Brady. He only scored 20.60 ya know. To top it off Deion Branch had a 12.90 game, which you would think wouldnt bother me, but ya know Chad Ochocinco is still waiting to score more then 5 points in a game so I'm done here.

Rodgers Rejects - Will - Ah yes the black sheep of the top 4 draft picks. Shouldn't Will be up top the leader board? In his defense he did start this week 0-1 so him being 2-0 would have been a very impressive week (wait, that was in his defense?). Let's not take away too much from this week for Will though. First he gets the all important win, second he wins the prop prize of the week (I need to come up with a better name for that) thanks to an 84 yard strike between Rodgers and Jordy Nelson, which leads to the third and most important improvement from Will, he now has a legitimate and clever name! This is the positive karma he needs to continue the upside of his season. Even though he's being a biiiiiiiiiatch and not coming to ST. Louis maybe he can be lucky enough to win the league this year and you know...pay a rent check or two.

Flounder Pounders - Death - If you're going to be tied with 2 other people at 0-2 then you might as well be the highest scoring 0-2 right? Lets be honest this loss hurt. Anytime I get 24.3 out of my boy Jahvid Best, well I just assume the fantasy gods are smiling down on me and granting me a win. Add that to a few other positives from this week like 21.00 from Detroit's defense and Santonio Holmes scored his first touchdown of the season and well I assumed I was gonna be all good. Notice I left out the always consistent Drew Brees too. As for the other positive I'm taking from this brutal start to the season is that my second round "bust", Daniel Thomas, just rushed for over 100 yards in his first NFL game. Hopefully that's a sign of more things to come AND Mark Ingram starts to take notice!!!

The Tolbert Report - Peach - He isn't last? Already this season has to be considered a success so far for the Report. That's pretty much the only reason why it's a success, he's not in last, but I feel like come week 4 or so this team will have been tanked.  Weren't wide receivers suppose to be a strong point for this team? Nicks played hurt so of course he was on the bench, DeSean had apparently tweeked his jerking off forearm sometime before the game opening up a huge day for Maclin (still not bitter), and Plaxico scored as many points as he did last years week two...0. Just to make Pitz feel a little better, how funny is it to see after a few "trade rape jokes" at the expense of the Matt Cassel trade does Cassel score .32 points and then precedes to be dropped by Peach? This is why shouldn't always judge trades early on. Moral of the story is if Dez Bryant doesn't explode in the second half this may be a wasted season for Peach...who is our early candidate for #1 overall pick?

Do You Like Apples?? - AD - I hate that I always forget how many question marks are in his name. This week I assumed it was one because most weeks I put three out there and have to go back and delete one. Frustrating. Who does two honestly? Well I will just answer my own question, the guy who appears  to be dealing with his own Super Bowl hangover. To steal from Bill Simmons' Grantland "A Volatile Week in the NFL Stock Market" article; footnote 2:

Since 1999, eight of 12 Super Bowl losers missed the next playoffs; seven finished .500 or worse; and 10 failed to win a playoff game. Also, the 1993 Bills were the last Super Bowl loser to win two playoff games the following postseason. Only the '72 Dolphins and '71 Cowboys have won Super Bowls after losing the Super Bowl the previous year. Do I wish I knew these things before I picked Pittsburgh to win Super Bowl XLVI? Ummmm … yes. Yes I do.

Is this trend going to carry weight in the IDP also? What an exciting stat for Dan and Pitz to track!!! Though I will sympathize with AD this week. I had Jamaal Charles in my "Best of the Rest" Catches Cup team and I'm pretty much done now thanks to the season ending knee injury. I can't possibly understand the sting of losing my favorite non-Ravens player so I tried to picture Jahvid on a stretcher and I started sounding like Alec when he realized Tommy won't be his forever. I hope AD is unconsoleable until Tuesday where I will only then start to help him cope, no sooner. 


So real quick just to bring to everyone's attention this week is FIFA challenge week. Dan vrs Pitz and Death vrs Hittner each have the stipulation that the loser has to purchase FIFA12 for the winner (hence why I'm not really being friendly with Hittner till Tuesday). If anyone else wants to get in on the action feel free to discuss it with your opponent because well it was really exciting last year and I'm sure it will be even more so this week. How am I so sure? Oh well, just cause if don't know where six of us are...


Mmmmm you can find me in St. Louie Where the gun play ring all day Some got jobs and some sell yay' Others just smoke and fuck all day - Nelly (like you didnt know that)