This started out as being just another recap for week 10 along with breaking down all the trades we made. Well holy crap we made alot of trades. The time basically got away from me so here's my week 10 recap: Dan was really good, Jason continues to be really lucky, and I have no idea what Kirby and Titus are going to do week to week. Also, Tebow is awesome. Any questions? No? Good.
9/10/11
Pitz gets: Kellen Winslow, Peach's 6th round pick
Peach gets: Matt Cassel, Jared Cook, Pitz's 7th round pick
Fast forward to right now and the rights to Pitz's 7th round pick is the only thing still in possession of either of these two teams. With that being said, Pitz still wins. Week 1; Cassel and Cook combined for 8 points, week 2; Cassel was on the bench and Cook was dropped, and on week 3; both were dropped. Pitz atleast used Winslow and the draft pick in packages to help him get Tony Gonzalez and Steven Jackson. Not. Even. Close.
Winner: Pitz
9/19/11
Pitz gets: Nate Burleson, Hittners 9th round pick
Hittner gets: Dexter McCluster, Pitz 10th round pick
Ah memories. No, no, seriously guys Nate is gonna break out, look at the preseason rankings!!! Yea, and McCluster is going to have his chance to breakout in his new starting role (aka Pitz's two year prophecy). At the time, yes this made sense...but now I just don't care. I'll give it to Hittner because I can't give Pitz another win this soon (since I know another is coming). Plus AD did lose Jamaal Charles so I think he was in step 3 of grief, bargaining. "It's ok, Dexter will just fill the same role. He can be Jamaal. I know he can!"
Winner: Hittner
9/20/2011
Hittner gets: James Starks
Titus gets: Jordy Nelson
I'm not gonna lie. At the time I thought this was a no brainier for Hittner. Down the road Starks was gonna start getting more touches and Jordy was a #4 receiver. Now here we are two months later and its a no brainier. Jordy, Jordy, Jordy, Jordy.
Winner: Titus
9/27/2011
Peach gets: LeGarrette Blount
Pitz gets: Hakeem Nicks
Another at the time was a good move, but in the end...clear winner. LeGarrette struggled to get time with Tampa due to them constantly playing from behind and then had injury problems later (we'll get to that later). Nicks has had some injury problems as well, but overall has been a good complement for Pitz.
Winner: Pitz
9/28/2011
Larsen gets: Marques Colston, Hittner's 8th round pick
Hittner gets: Tony Romo, Larsen's 10th round pick
Lars and Tony never hit it off. He was mad at me for the trade that we made in the offseason (Romo for a 3rd rounder which became Santonio Holmes, which I can still surprisingly call a win), and had now fallen into a very comfortable relationship with Matthew Stafford. And yet I still look at this like it was just a terrible break up and Larsen jumped into bed with the first competent receiver he could find(yup, let your mind go there). Meanwhile Hittner has the best quarterback on his roster since he borrowed Aaron Rodgers for the playoffs last season and he got that by trading a waiver wire pick up. Hmmm, I don't think about this often, butmaybe that loan trade is the negative karma that killed his season, still don't know mine.
Winner: Hittner
10/10/2011
Jason gets: LeGarrette Blount, Peach's 4th rounder
Peach gets: Ryan Grant, Jason's 2nd round pick
WOW. I was originally just going to talk about how amazing it was that Jason even made a trade but I did not remember there being a second round pick involved in this. Fortunetly he only loses two rounds to Peach's 4th (actually much more if Jason stays in the #1 position that is a very early 2nd and Peach's would be a very late 4th). Add that to the reaction Jason made after Blount went down to injury when he yelled "I never needed to trade Ryan Grant". Yea, the same Ryan Grant who he cursed about having since day one. I never do these things fair, so when you say dumb things like that you don't win. And I'm still bitter about James Jones getting ONE reception for 9 yards to beat me and then going without a catch a week later.
Winner: Peach
10/11/2011
Death gets: Pitz's 2nd round pick, Peach's 6th round pick
Pitz gets: Steven Jackson, Death's 7th round pick
Steven has more then produced for Pitz, meaning that 2nd round pick stays higher. I will give Pitz the credit of picking up SJax at his lowest value, and making the trade before the running back craze happened. I also remember the story of how this trade happened. Me and Pitz were negotiating back and forth where I first asked for a 2nd rounder for SJax straight up. Pitz would counter offer and I would decline. Eventually Pitz offered the 2nd and 6th that were in the deal for my 7th and 10th along with SJax. I stared at the offer for awhile before I asked him to drop the 10th. Pitz agreed and next thing I know I got the 2nd rounder and jumped up a few spots from the 7th into the 6th. I can see this going either way, but due to the fact that I totally Bugs Bunny'd Pitz I'm giving myself the win.
Winner: Death
10/18/2011
Alec gets: Ahmad Bradshaw
Pitz gets: Alec's 1st round pick
So 7 days after Pitz and I have a pretty even trade for a stud running back for a second round pick, Alec loses his mind and gives up his 1st for a lesser running back. ALEC, COME ON MAN!!! Yes I'm more upset because I have a 2nd and not a 1st, but come on! Since the trade these numbers are; week 7 - Sjax (13.3), AB (bye); week 8 Sjax (31.1), AB (8.8), week 9 Sjax (14.2), AB (0), week 10 Sjax (13.1), AB (0 and on Alec's bench). Yea. Alec lost. Alec lost bad.
Winner: Pitz, because of how bad Alec lost
10/26/2011
Death gets: Chris Johnson, Philip Rivers, 2nd round pick (2012), 5th round pick (2013)
Dan gets: Drew Brees
That is quite the haul. Buying low on two players who in previous years have been top 5 at their position, along with two draft picks, one of which is a 2nd rounder, and its hard to argue against the bounty Death came away with. Then again when the other side of the deal is a player who is number 3 overall in scoring this season, who averages around 20 points a week, and has another full year left on his contract, well then maybe its not that hard to debate the two sides to the deal. The true winner will be decided over time, obviously waiting to see if CJ?K and Philip Rivers can return to form and if I don't completely botch the second round next year (totally possible), but with that being said I think the guy who puts himself in position to win now usually comes out ahead. God I love Drew.
Winner: Dan
10/26/2011
Titus gets: Maurice Jones-Drew, Hittners 12 round pick
Hittner gets: Joseph Addai, Titus 1st round pick, Titus 6th round pick
I don't know, I think I would rather have MJD over Addai. Oh! Draft picks. Good thing that 12 rounder came into play because I don't think this deal gets done without it. I'm picturing this deal going down with the parameters already set, AD gets the first rounder and Titus gets MJD. Then all of a sudden Titus asks Hittner to throw in the 12 rounder for good measure. This does not go over well with Hittner. He starts throwing things, he's yelling at his dog, he threatens to end the deal!!! Savvy Titus offers Hittner Joseph Addai, but all this does is anger the Hittner more!!! The Hittner doesn't care about players!!! More draft picks!!! Only then did the 6th rounder get involved in the deal, and that's the true story about how this deal came to be. Or Titus was just gonna drop Addai, I'm not sure. Ethier way I think Titus put himself in a good position to win now (always the idea), but a 1st and a 6th may stink a bit of concern for RunDMC. Good work selling high AD...and throwing tantrums. (Side bar, I completely see the hypocracy of me constantly ripping on Hittner for selling off his team, when I have been selling of my team just as long. I just stand by that I was NEVER 3-4 and in the hunt this season. Also would you really want me to use logic and deny you guys the character of obsessed with draft picks Hittner? NO! That would be like Eddie Murphy killing off Buckwheat. Nevermind.)
Winner: Hittner
10/28/2011
Will gets: Cedric Benson
Death gets: 3rd rounder
The 10/28 trades were not as fun as the 10/26. I remember going back and forth over the Brees deal, agreeing to it and then feeling sick to my stomach. It was nerve racking, and Dan felt the exact same way. Just as soon as I thought Dan and I had set a blockbuster that would send tremors throughout the league for years to come, AD and Titus complete a deal that makes my jaw drop. Then the trades of 10/28 happen. I'm not even gonna talk about this deal and I think the winner/loser makes perfect sense.
Winner: Death
10/28/2011
Dan gets: 4th round pick
Titus gets: Owen Daniels
Forgot all about this trade. Forgot all about Dan trying to trade Owen Daniels since week 3. Forgot all about how much of his draft Titus has already traded away. Forgot that Titus had been using Dustin Keller all year long. Forgot that Titus used one of his two first round picks on Dallas Clark. Forgot Dan had Rob Gronkowski....wait nobody forgot about that. Dan has the best tight end in the game (fantasy speaking). Traded a back up. Winner.
Winner: Dan
11/9/2011
Dan gets: Roddy White, Hittners 2nd rounder, Pitz's 10th round pick
Hittner gets: Eric Decker, 1st rounder, 7th rounder
I have no idea here.When the trade first happened Hittner asked me what I thought of the trade and my answer was, "I don't know". I still don't. At first I figured this was a steal for Dan. Trading back less then a full round to get a guy who is an elite wide receiver. Well then I learn that Decker has actually been better then Roddy White this year, but he is easily the most infuriating wide receiver in the game (trust me check out weeks I started him as oppose to weeks he was on the bench. If I start him he was negative, on my bench he puts up 20, I don't get it.). So, Hittner trades up and gets into the first round...again. I, just don't know. Guess that means that when you can't find a winner, you can't find a loser. Good trade boys, good trade.
Winner: Even
11/16/2011
Pitz gets: Tony Gonzalez, 10th round pick
Kirby gets: Kellen Winslow, 6th round pick
Isn't it funny how some players biggest role in our season is how they are involved in trades and not starting lineups? Kellen Winslow was a mainstay on the Tip Drill for most of the year but now turns into a far more consistent and reliable Tony G. In exchange Kirby gave up a back up tight end to move up 4 rounds in the draft. This is honestly one of the most even trades. I really don't have much else to go over with this one, but I can't do back to back evens can I? Screw it, I can.
Winner: Even
11/17/2011
Pitz gets: Tony Romo, Eric Decker, Death's 4th round pick
Death gets: Micheal Vick, Death's 7th round pick (from Pitz)
Hittner gets: Tim Tebow, Hakeem Nicks, Death's 5th round pick
Oh yea! This happened! Going over this deal all day more or less drained me from a mental stand point. Trying to find a deal to make two people happy is difficult enough, but three stubborn bastards? Well that just seems impossible. The funnies part about this deal to me is that it marks the 3rd time Tony Romo was traded, the second time Eric Decker, Micheal Vick and Hakeem Nicks have all been traded. We even had a twice traded draft pick in this deal. Guess it's fair to say nobody was overly committed to anyone in this deal. I love some key points of the trade for some of us. Pitz getting Romo for the rest of his playoff run (Vick had hurt ribs and nobody can win with Matt Hasselback) and Hittner getting a keeper and an extra draft pick. Fortunately I am in the head of Death so I understand what the end game of this trade was, but at first glance I'm going to say that for a team that already has Philip Rivers, trading that much for Vick doesn't make sense. All in all I think everyone did well but I'm getting tired of picking even.
So, who expected a lame three way joke in there? Happy to disappoint.
Winner: Hittner
11/17/2011
Death gets: 1st round pick
Jason gets: Micheal Vick, 11th round pick, 12th round pick
Endgame! Another deal I actually love (outside of my inclusion). In the end I traded a waiver wire pick up, a 4th and 5th round pick to get into t he first round again. Jason meanwhile gets a player whom he has coveted as much as he has hated Ryan Grant. It does put him at a bit of a predicament that he will not have a 1st or 2nd round pick, but he will have Vick for the rest of this season when Eli Manning has to start facing the tough part of his schedule. I wanna give myself the win, but I'll say the 11th and 12th rounders make it a push. (Yup! There is sarcasm!!!) Although this deal did finish up my trade deadline moves with two 1st rounders, three 2nd rounders, and two 3rd rounders. So many rookie running backs to waste them on! Jason, I'm just doing this because I feel i need to win something this year, since it sure hasn't been fantasy football matchups (and if there had been actual scoring we both would have gotten failing grades, but yours would have been just a fraction better then mine. NOT BITTER AT ALL!!!)
Winner: Death
11/18/2011
Stilt gets: Reggie Bush
Hittner gets: 6th round pick
Bravo to Stilt here. This would have been a perfect opportunity for Hittner to jack up the asking price for a red hot Reggie Bush to a desperate team trying to make the playoffs who couldn't field a starting running back for his match-up. Which I honestly believe he did. I have no idea how the bargaining went, but this deal comes across as even or maybe even a bit towards Stilt. So, when the hell did Stilt talk to anyone? How did he make this trade happen? Did Hittner contact him? Is Stilt much savvier then we/I give him credit for? There were a lot of trades that surprised me this season, and yet somehow this one manages to be towards the top of my list. The top of my list was the Bradshaw deal. I hate Alec.
Winner: Stiltner
WOW! Ok that was alot. Atleast it felt like it to me, hopefully it didn't for you, the reader, because that would mean I'm doing a terrible job...at more then just fielding a competitive team. I don't know what stage it is when you start using humor to cope with your loss (the entire season in my case) but I'm there now (I'm calling it acceptance. HOORAY ACCEPTANCE!!!). Anyway there is no shot in hell that I am going to do the whole trade breakdown and then do team by team recaps. I don't get paid enough for that kind of madness, and besides it will basically be week 14 by the time I finish. So here's a few one hitter quitters before I wrap this up.
Jason - Call him lucky and he goes and bitch-slaps the whole league. Guy makes trades and wins now. There you go Jason, I complemented you, now expect your whole season to fall apart.
Pitz - As pointed out to me today, Pitz has not clenched a playoff spot yet. Could Pitz actually not make the playoffs? Do you still get GM of the year award if that happens?
Dan - Ok, we would all feel alot better if Micheal Bush would come back to reality. This is just uncalled for.
Titus - Titus would feel alot better then all of us if Micheal Bush would come back to reality, and RunDMC would start playing again.
Alec - No AllDay, and a must win game against Will. SO EXCITING!!! Atleast he has Bradshaw for these type of situations (I fully plan on wearing out Alec the way I tried to wear out Jason and Lars about not taking Forte. Seriously you assholes, why would you not have drafted Forte???)
Stilt - I just played the guy and I have no idea who is on his team. Seriously. Middle of the pack is perfect for him. Ahhhhh. Right. He has Cam Newton. Now he's screaming out, OH BOY!!!
Lars - Wasn't he just 3rd? This playoff race is awesome (other then my absence of course, ACCEPTANCE). I like to think that he would still be in 3rd if not higher if he had Forte. How's Miles Austin's hammy working out?
Will - Yup, I like to think the plummet of this team is directly related to my endorsement. Ah well, considering he still hasn't paid his dues for this season I'd say its karma.
Kirby - He plays Titus this week. If both teams break 200 or neither breaks 10 I wouldn't be surprised. I'm most excited for this matchup.
Hittner - Fact. I like Tebow more then Hittner does. Fact. It is really fun rooting for Tebow when you have 0 invested in him.
Peach - Never would have expected this pesky sonofabitch to put up such a fight to avoid last place. It's become rather frustrating at this point. (Fun fact. When I just typed in sonofabitch as one word spell check had nothing to say about it. Basically, jumbotron is considered an incorrect word, but sonofabitch is perfectly normal word. Hmmm is Sawyer in charge of spell check?)
Death - My team is in last. I haven't talked about wrestling yet. Here, enjoy this nugget since I ABSOLUTELY SUCK!!!
Now I head to bed, remembering the terrifying words that were spoken over and over again in Ottawa Canada when Pitz and I went up there for the NHL draft; "WE HAVE ANOTHER TRADE!!!"
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Week 9 Recap
Busy week this week, so now I'm finally awake after my first post-surgery night of boozing and happy to report that the only thing that hurts is my head. I can't stress how amazing that feels. So as I rush to wrap this up so I can pound out TWO episodes of the league, don't think I'm not thinking of the poor folks who are sitting at their desk looking up reports of their fantasy team.
Let me help out some of you who were thinking to themselves "that Jacoby Ford was looking really good, what happened to him?" Well yes, he was looking amazing that's why I picked him up, so naturally I got his medical report...and yes its confirmed, hes dead. He got gangrene in his ankle and he will never play football again. Really? That's all for the intro, we are going for the record for shortest recap ever!!!
Wu Rule #1 - Jason - Sigh. This is what we've come to? Jason is in first? WHAT THE H? Atleast he dropped a 129 on Stilt this week for the win. We almost have to give him credit for that one. Of course it does help when Vincent Jackson goes for his second 30 point week of the season (guess whose pumped he only put up a 2 spot last night??? Pipe down Daniel Thomas and his hamstring are going to give you less. Damn. This season sucks. Wait is this talking in the 3rd and 4th person? Maybe, why don't you get back to talking about fantasy football. Ah, yea good point.) No surprise here, but LeSean McCoy had solid production (17.7), Witten took advantage of injured Miles Austin (13.1), and Eli had an amazing week as far as actual quarterbacking goes when he Tom Brady'd Tom Brady but you know what, his fantasy week was pretty good too (18.1). THe impressive move of the week though was Jason selecting the Arizona defense. Patrick Peterson had an amazing walk off 99 yard punt return, happens all the time no big deal, and Jason stashed away 18 points from a waiver wire d. That shit cray.
Just the Tip Drill - Pitz - So he gets cocky. Runs his mouth. Turns league against him. Loses to a 2-6 team. Sometimes these things just find a way to work themselves out. Also pointed out to me last week was that I mentioned Pitz in close to 50% of the team recaps, and he loved it!!! So in my effort to fully half ass this recap, were done here.
ZUnstoppableForce - Lars - I hate Lars after this week. I'll do most of my venting under my section, but I still have a few nuggets for him here. First something good finally happens to me this year because my quarterback committed the most turnovers, so I get to pick the weekly prize and of course the guy I'm playing gets it. That feels so much worse then a double whammy. It's like a, I don't know what it's like but it sucks. I mean the dude gets a touchdown against me and $10 at the same time. I stare to the gods and wonder why have thou forsaken me? I was in a good mood this morning so I'm just going to go to the next one. I really hate the people at the top this season.
Grundy Grabbers - Alec - A few weeks ago after I did the level of hotness blog Alec told me I wasn't giving him enough credit. I looked at him and said "I wrote that your team is so good that it's underrated and you will be in the playoffs" he told me that wasn't enough. I don't know if that is just good confidence, or a 5-4 team's own delusion. The realism is that this team controls its own destiny. Two more wins should lock up his place in the post season festivities, and they shouldn't have my team to worry about knocking them out again (I'm just taking it when I can get it at this point, don't judge). Little foreshadowing, I am very excited to talk about Alec next week in my trade deadline recap special.
Grundle Stains - Titus - The loser of the Grundle bowl. This team without RunDMC and Megatron reminds me of what Will's team is like without Aaron Rodgers. Remember how Titus had all those early picks and he seemed like a lock to be the best team this year? I kinda do, its just tough to sort through all the memories of his "Big Keeper Three". If you see Titus in the playoffs go find a way to take out RunDMC and/or Megatron (leave Ray Rice alone!!!) and I'd say you have a 89.65% chance of winning comfortably. Pan to Dan nodding sadistically.
Black Rice Act II - Dan - And the winner of RunDMC is on crutches award goes to.....DAN CLEMSON and his pick up of Micheal Bush. That really should be in next week's recap after his 30 point showcase last night, but he scored 18.9 points last week as well!!! If RunDMC is out for a long period of time this is easily the best pick up of the season. Easily. FACT IT IS 11:11 ON 11/11/11 AS I'M WRITING THIS RIGHT NOW. Does that mean Dan wins something? YES HE WON THE RUNDMC IS ON CRUTCHES AWARD!!! Add that to winning the league last year and I'm getting really sick of Dan. I planned on actually talking about his team but I just made myself jealous and I'm kinda ready to move on to teams outside of the playoff picture.
FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - Now I don't know if this is true because I don't do any research before or during the creation of this blog, but I feel like Stilt is all over the standings whenever I write this. One week I think he was 3rd, one week he was 9th, this week 7th, next week he'll be 4th. Anyway his top scorers this week were Matt Ryan (22.00) and Ben Tate (17.5). Are you thinking what I'm thinking yet? Yea he got 22 from the guy we all knew was a terrible keeper, and 17 from a back up running back. I hate fantasy football. Next thing you're going to tell me is the guy who didn't bring anything paperwork or research to the draft is in first place. Wait.....
Rodgers Rejects - Will - 0-2 since his win against me and my kiss of death (no pun intended, but it does kinda work well) of me saying I'm rooting for him. At this rate he'll be right back in the top of the draft. Sorry buddy, but you shouldn't have beaten me. Of course he is playing Adam "I'm the guy who created the Titanic and put the iceberg in front of it because it wasn't the greatest ship ever made" Hittner. Of course when I get to AD I will continue to beat him down for his tankfest '11, but right now I wanna contemplate curses and karma. Will Hittner's revamped team since tanking started pull out another strong performance, or will my kiss of death to will be the stronger negative in the matchup? If Dan still wrote predictions I would like to think he'd take Hittner here.
corn on the kolb - Kirby - The enigma. His 8 scores; 76.86, 126.52, 66.8, 62.78, 105.58, 76.42, 66.66, 72.12, 110.34. Can you guess when Kirby got his 3 wins? Do you know who his 3 wins were agaisnt? Alec, Stilt and Pitz. Know who the 66.66 was against? Jason, who scored 69. Jason is due for some bad karma. He just is. Back to Kirby. He is the ONLY player in this league that I would expect to score 110, start his number one overall pick who is hurt and get a 0. He scored 110 with Peyton Hillis starting even though Hills has all but admitted he is done playing football this year. If you are in a must win at some point this season I suggest you stay clear of Kirby. Dude is like a landmine. I think one more team is being taken down by him before the season ends...but the rest of you will get to play a team that can't break 70. Good luck.
Do You Like Apples? - Hittner - So this is how I picture this and you can't convince me other wise. Hittner is in his basement, all lights are out except for the glow that comes from the laptop which he is staring at intently. His hands are holding each other with the two pointers pressed against his chin. He hasn't moved for 15 minutes. He knows there is something there, he just needs to find it. The riddle tugs at him like an abandoned child. Finally the hands move from the rested position on his chin. They open up to now cover his whole jaw and in a slow, relaxed motion he presses them upward attempting to release the tension that has taken over his exhausted face. A 10 page paper about physical mechanics of the human body he could do during half time of a game of Fifa. Analyzing his monthly budget never presented its self a challenge either. But this. This has become the Ali to his Frasier. Then it happens. The glow of the computer has changed. A repetitive flash has caught his eye. It's a message. "I need a WR. Interested?" YES! The opening he needed was there. Now it happens. Hittner figured it out. There is another way to make his team even worse this season. The deal gets made and the content gm gives himself 5 minutes and a glass of Crown Royal before he thinks to himself....can I sell high on Reggie Bush? He folds his hands and returns them to their rightful resting spot back on his chin.
Tebowing a Miracle - Death - I hate Lars. I hate that Rivers threw 2 TAINTS to his defense. I hate that Kevin Walter had one catch for 5 yards. I hate that Matt Cassel forgot John Baldwin was on his team. I hate that Daniel Thomas is the "power back" for Miami and yet hes more fragile then Jahvid. I hate that Jahvid may never play football again. I hate that I'm hearing Chris Ivory will get more touches. I hate Lars. I hate the Oakland defense who got me -2 points in a match up I lost by 5. I hate that I'm not wearing an awesome suit while I write this.
The Tolbert Report - Peach - Yup. This win makes me very uneasy. 90 plus points and he got a .6 from DJax. Crazy. 18.6 points from DeMarco Murray would normally make him the pick for best pick up this season, but outside of me and whoever is playing him nobody really cares about Peach. Cheers.
Big ups to Vets who got me off work today and to quote the Rock "Put boots to asses" over all the years making us the most bad ass country in the world. Fuck Yea indeed.
Let me help out some of you who were thinking to themselves "that Jacoby Ford was looking really good, what happened to him?" Well yes, he was looking amazing that's why I picked him up, so naturally I got his medical report...and yes its confirmed, hes dead. He got gangrene in his ankle and he will never play football again. Really? That's all for the intro, we are going for the record for shortest recap ever!!!
Wu Rule #1 - Jason - Sigh. This is what we've come to? Jason is in first? WHAT THE H? Atleast he dropped a 129 on Stilt this week for the win. We almost have to give him credit for that one. Of course it does help when Vincent Jackson goes for his second 30 point week of the season (guess whose pumped he only put up a 2 spot last night??? Pipe down Daniel Thomas and his hamstring are going to give you less. Damn. This season sucks. Wait is this talking in the 3rd and 4th person? Maybe, why don't you get back to talking about fantasy football. Ah, yea good point.) No surprise here, but LeSean McCoy had solid production (17.7), Witten took advantage of injured Miles Austin (13.1), and Eli had an amazing week as far as actual quarterbacking goes when he Tom Brady'd Tom Brady but you know what, his fantasy week was pretty good too (18.1). THe impressive move of the week though was Jason selecting the Arizona defense. Patrick Peterson had an amazing walk off 99 yard punt return, happens all the time no big deal, and Jason stashed away 18 points from a waiver wire d. That shit cray.
Just the Tip Drill - Pitz - So he gets cocky. Runs his mouth. Turns league against him. Loses to a 2-6 team. Sometimes these things just find a way to work themselves out. Also pointed out to me last week was that I mentioned Pitz in close to 50% of the team recaps, and he loved it!!! So in my effort to fully half ass this recap, were done here.
ZUnstoppableForce - Lars - I hate Lars after this week. I'll do most of my venting under my section, but I still have a few nuggets for him here. First something good finally happens to me this year because my quarterback committed the most turnovers, so I get to pick the weekly prize and of course the guy I'm playing gets it. That feels so much worse then a double whammy. It's like a, I don't know what it's like but it sucks. I mean the dude gets a touchdown against me and $10 at the same time. I stare to the gods and wonder why have thou forsaken me? I was in a good mood this morning so I'm just going to go to the next one. I really hate the people at the top this season.
Grundy Grabbers - Alec - A few weeks ago after I did the level of hotness blog Alec told me I wasn't giving him enough credit. I looked at him and said "I wrote that your team is so good that it's underrated and you will be in the playoffs" he told me that wasn't enough. I don't know if that is just good confidence, or a 5-4 team's own delusion. The realism is that this team controls its own destiny. Two more wins should lock up his place in the post season festivities, and they shouldn't have my team to worry about knocking them out again (I'm just taking it when I can get it at this point, don't judge). Little foreshadowing, I am very excited to talk about Alec next week in my trade deadline recap special.
Grundle Stains - Titus - The loser of the Grundle bowl. This team without RunDMC and Megatron reminds me of what Will's team is like without Aaron Rodgers. Remember how Titus had all those early picks and he seemed like a lock to be the best team this year? I kinda do, its just tough to sort through all the memories of his "Big Keeper Three". If you see Titus in the playoffs go find a way to take out RunDMC and/or Megatron (leave Ray Rice alone!!!) and I'd say you have a 89.65% chance of winning comfortably. Pan to Dan nodding sadistically.
Black Rice Act II - Dan - And the winner of RunDMC is on crutches award goes to.....DAN CLEMSON and his pick up of Micheal Bush. That really should be in next week's recap after his 30 point showcase last night, but he scored 18.9 points last week as well!!! If RunDMC is out for a long period of time this is easily the best pick up of the season. Easily. FACT IT IS 11:11 ON 11/11/11 AS I'M WRITING THIS RIGHT NOW. Does that mean Dan wins something? YES HE WON THE RUNDMC IS ON CRUTCHES AWARD!!! Add that to winning the league last year and I'm getting really sick of Dan. I planned on actually talking about his team but I just made myself jealous and I'm kinda ready to move on to teams outside of the playoff picture.
FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - Now I don't know if this is true because I don't do any research before or during the creation of this blog, but I feel like Stilt is all over the standings whenever I write this. One week I think he was 3rd, one week he was 9th, this week 7th, next week he'll be 4th. Anyway his top scorers this week were Matt Ryan (22.00) and Ben Tate (17.5). Are you thinking what I'm thinking yet? Yea he got 22 from the guy we all knew was a terrible keeper, and 17 from a back up running back. I hate fantasy football. Next thing you're going to tell me is the guy who didn't bring anything paperwork or research to the draft is in first place. Wait.....
Rodgers Rejects - Will - 0-2 since his win against me and my kiss of death (no pun intended, but it does kinda work well) of me saying I'm rooting for him. At this rate he'll be right back in the top of the draft. Sorry buddy, but you shouldn't have beaten me. Of course he is playing Adam "I'm the guy who created the Titanic and put the iceberg in front of it because it wasn't the greatest ship ever made" Hittner. Of course when I get to AD I will continue to beat him down for his tankfest '11, but right now I wanna contemplate curses and karma. Will Hittner's revamped team since tanking started pull out another strong performance, or will my kiss of death to will be the stronger negative in the matchup? If Dan still wrote predictions I would like to think he'd take Hittner here.
corn on the kolb - Kirby - The enigma. His 8 scores; 76.86, 126.52, 66.8, 62.78, 105.58, 76.42, 66.66, 72.12, 110.34. Can you guess when Kirby got his 3 wins? Do you know who his 3 wins were agaisnt? Alec, Stilt and Pitz. Know who the 66.66 was against? Jason, who scored 69. Jason is due for some bad karma. He just is. Back to Kirby. He is the ONLY player in this league that I would expect to score 110, start his number one overall pick who is hurt and get a 0. He scored 110 with Peyton Hillis starting even though Hills has all but admitted he is done playing football this year. If you are in a must win at some point this season I suggest you stay clear of Kirby. Dude is like a landmine. I think one more team is being taken down by him before the season ends...but the rest of you will get to play a team that can't break 70. Good luck.
Do You Like Apples? - Hittner - So this is how I picture this and you can't convince me other wise. Hittner is in his basement, all lights are out except for the glow that comes from the laptop which he is staring at intently. His hands are holding each other with the two pointers pressed against his chin. He hasn't moved for 15 minutes. He knows there is something there, he just needs to find it. The riddle tugs at him like an abandoned child. Finally the hands move from the rested position on his chin. They open up to now cover his whole jaw and in a slow, relaxed motion he presses them upward attempting to release the tension that has taken over his exhausted face. A 10 page paper about physical mechanics of the human body he could do during half time of a game of Fifa. Analyzing his monthly budget never presented its self a challenge either. But this. This has become the Ali to his Frasier. Then it happens. The glow of the computer has changed. A repetitive flash has caught his eye. It's a message. "I need a WR. Interested?" YES! The opening he needed was there. Now it happens. Hittner figured it out. There is another way to make his team even worse this season. The deal gets made and the content gm gives himself 5 minutes and a glass of Crown Royal before he thinks to himself....can I sell high on Reggie Bush? He folds his hands and returns them to their rightful resting spot back on his chin.
Tebowing a Miracle - Death - I hate Lars. I hate that Rivers threw 2 TAINTS to his defense. I hate that Kevin Walter had one catch for 5 yards. I hate that Matt Cassel forgot John Baldwin was on his team. I hate that Daniel Thomas is the "power back" for Miami and yet hes more fragile then Jahvid. I hate that Jahvid may never play football again. I hate that I'm hearing Chris Ivory will get more touches. I hate Lars. I hate the Oakland defense who got me -2 points in a match up I lost by 5. I hate that I'm not wearing an awesome suit while I write this.
The Tolbert Report - Peach - Yup. This win makes me very uneasy. 90 plus points and he got a .6 from DJax. Crazy. 18.6 points from DeMarco Murray would normally make him the pick for best pick up this season, but outside of me and whoever is playing him nobody really cares about Peach. Cheers.
Big ups to Vets who got me off work today and to quote the Rock "Put boots to asses" over all the years making us the most bad ass country in the world. Fuck Yea indeed.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Week 8 Recap
According to Wikipedia a ghoul is "a folkloric monster associated with graveyards and consuming human flesh". I don't have a follow up to that. Just one of those things I was thinking about since yesterday was Halloween and of course its a like of Charlie's, and Sunny clips has become a reoccurring thing here lately. I also brought it up because its a great intro to some ramblings about potential Halloween ideas for this blog that I've decided would be stupid and am not going to dive into.
First I was contemplating making it based on how scary the upsets were this week, only problems was there wasn't any. Kinda hard to talk about how abnormal, spooky happenings take place the week of Halloween when everything worked as if there was no Mike Myers (the guy from Halloween, not the guy from the Love Guru...although the latter might be more terrifying). After that idea failed (and I'm kinda glad since I'm not sure how I was going to be able to drag that out) I started thinking about what are characteristics of Halloween that we could use for comparison purposes. For example Pitz could be a king sized candy bar that you get from the rich house that you had to go to when you went trick or treating, and Peach would be the rock that Charlie Brown got at every house when he went out trick or treating.
Ok side bar before I get back to the lecture at hand, why do all those kids treat Chuck Brown like shit every holiday? He gets rocks at Halloween, called a block head every time he sees a classmate, and doesn't even get respect from his dog. For fucksake at Christmas time they called him a failure because he bought a small tree because he saw character in it. What was the rest the cast doing while he was gone? Singing and dancing!!! This "blockhead" wrote a whole script, designed the sets, and was directing the worst collection of egos since the 2003 Lakers. Oh yea, hes in elementary school. So yea he came back with a tiny tree, maybe it was for artistic direction, but did any of those bitches think about that? Nope fucking sluts were too worried about their naturally curly red hair. And finally that bitch Lucy. What a sick whore. First she charges him a dime (which apparently used to be a lot of money) for psychiatric help, but she jingles the money right in front of him and then offers no assistance other then crushing his self esteem. Then as we all know she promises to let him kick the football but always pulls it away at the last second. Really? Really? What you cant let the guy kick the ball once? What did he ever do to you? I'd bet shes amongst the kids who wouldn't let the Trix Rabbit or Lucky the Leprechaun have their cereal that they are the damn spokes person for. Kids are mean man.
Ok main bar. I nixed that idea because I feel like I do that all the time, and I'll probably rehash that idea for Thanksgiving again. I decided to go with talking about random Halloween things that I find interesting and see how much space I can fill. Of course my fourth idea was to go back and see what I wrote about this time last year, but I had already finished 3 paragraphs and decided that that idea wasn't going to work. Anyway a point for Halloween definitely goes to the slutty outfits girls wear. Yes I know exactly how cliche that sounds right about now but hear me out. I never fully appreciated it until this Sunday at the Ravens game when I could not stop staring at the cheerleaders in the second half. I mean I see these girls all the time when I'm there, and it's not like they have to wait till October 31 to wear little to no clothing. The epiphany I reached was that themed slutty is the best slutty ever. One chick was a slutty Ninja Turtle, and you know what? It worked. That makes no sense. Was it her purple mask that only covers her eyes, or the shell she was wearing on her back? I also know that I'm describing the possibility of there being a slutty hunchback, and on the right girl...it will be hot! Now lets be sure to cover the yin and the yang of this Holiday, and that's for every theme slutty there is a sloppy slutty. The sloppy slutty is not awesome, and usually is in form of a cat, or witch, or something else that's just as dumb (anyone see a hot Black Swan this year? Me either). Such a shame a few bad eggs go and have to ruin such a wonderful thing. Finally how did Halloween really come together? Did some guy want to see women scantly dressed, or was it all about the kids first? Which makes it really interesting when you think about how one developed into the other. Did some guy really want a holiday for kids to have fun and eat candy, but his bro just wanted chicks to just wear something other then those damn pilgrim outfits. I'm starting to go crossed now thinking which came first the pervert or the stranger with candy. Ok lets talk about football because this nonsense has gone on way too long.
Just The Tip Drill - Pitz - Annnnnd at the end of week 8 Pitz has become that guy. If you don't know what I'm talking about its because you haven't had a conversation with the guy about this league lately. He's becoming the guy that who was really poor, hit the lottery and is now just blowing all of his cash...while acting like he actually earned it. I mean of course he knew Fred Jackson was going to be in the discussing of MVP of the NFL this year. Of course none of us should be surprised that he has become this guy because lets be honest he always has been, its just his team is finally good enough for the ego to show through. This is the same guy who gave himself the gm of the year award last year. History lesson, he ended up with the #4 overall pick in the draft. In his defense he did make some good trades down the stretch to improve his team...but he was the same gm who drafted the shitty team in the first place. You don't get a plaque for tanking the draft. The one awesome thing this week was that this team has Steven Jackson, and I love a good Steven Jackson story. SJax basically put the Rams on his back, gave a whole speech to the team about no letting the game slip away and helped the Rams upset the New Orleans Saints. I love SJax and the 31 points he scored. Alec, wouldn't you have rather have gotten this guy for a first rounder??? I really hope St. Louis has a winning team in the near future.
Wu Rule #1 - Jason - Another week another win, but unlike our leader he has actually been quiet it about it...which is good cause he was surging up the list of "Guy We All Want To See Lose". Gotta give the guy credit (I mean as much credit as any manager in fantasy football deserves) this was a big win this week. Jason is currently tied for the #1 overall record in the league and just picked up a win on the #3 team, and both teams scored more then 70 points!!! Seriously! I looked it up and everything. Leading the way in the 95 point barrage was Shady McCoy who scored 32 points. Did you realize that McCoy is second in the NFL in rushing? I didn't even know he got any of these points from rushes. He is an Eagle right? They can't possibly run the ball. I'm so confused this year. Just make me go a little more cross-eyed lets talk about a pick up Jason made earlier this year that's paying dividends, Nate Washington. 15 points came from the wide receiver spot that Washington filled this week. Again, the Eagles are running the ball, the Ravens refuse to, Jason is paying attention, and cats are getting along with dogs.
Grundle Stains - Titus - Here is just a fantastic strategy when picking bye week defenses, pick the team playing John Beck or Rex Grossman. Titus went ahead and got 25 points from the Buffalo Bills which was just a little icing on the giant cake which was ass whopping on Ryan Stiltner. Ray Rice (27.9) finally did some poaching of tds as oppose to having them vultured from him, Megatron was Megatron (18.5), and new toy MJD was good for 13.4. I think its fair to say everyone is hoping RunDMC is still hurt, because as annoying as Pitz is getting this guy will be 890,348 times worse.
ZUnstoppableForce - Lars - First 4 games of the season this team was 4-0, the last 4 games 1-3. I'm not really sure where to go with this next, I want to make fun of him and bring up how his season could be disappearing yada yada...but he plays me next. I'm fairly confident since I have the power of Tebow, but you know I can't run my mouth too much right now and not expect some negative karma. Hypothetically speaking though this team does not have an easy run down the stretch, even if they beat the Flying Tebows this weekend. His upcoming games are as follows; Death, Pitz, Dan, AD and Titus. If he goes 3-2 in that stretch he finishes 8-5 and should be safe...if he finishes 2-3 then hes in the abyss of 7-6 teams and who knows who comes out of that!!!
Grundy Grabbers - Alec - Fun fact from one half of our league statistician team; Alec's fantasy defense allows an average of over 100 points per match up. Fun fact #2 Alec is one of six teams who have more points against then scored. Of those six teams two have .500 record (Dan is the other), the other four all have losing records. Basically he is the anti-Jason. Just marinate on this for a second, he played the jv team that Hittner has decided to run out there now in his quest to finish just out of Beer Bitch range and had to deal with Reggie Bush putting up double digits as he ran for over100 yards. Yea Reggie Bush. Speaking of which how funny are those Pizza Hut commercials with Reggie Bush? The guys are bragging about drafting him in their fantasy league, but they never mention when they get him. Are they all excited because they got him in the 8th round? Is Reggie happy cause he even got drafted? Why can't those commercials feature another back like Fred Jackson, or Ryan Torain? Where is Lendale White when you need him?
FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - What can I say here? His team has a decent week other then a few let downs, most noticeably Wes Welker, but he played a team that scored 134 points. I could go and breakdown this team but whats the point? 85 points didn't win, wasn't close, and no real good stories. So what I'm going to do instead is bring up a topic that I like to explore in this blog and talk about something that happened on Monday Night Raw. I have been watching wrestling for as long as I can remember, taking off for a year or two here and there, but like a battered wife with no self-respect I always come back more in love then before. Well Monday I saw something I had never seen before. On Monday the Muppets were the guest hosts and during a match between Jack Swagger and Santino Marella the loveable lab assistant Beaker INTERFERED IN A MATCH!!! It was awesome. I need more Muppets in my life. How can you go another day without wanting to see more of this guy?
Rodgers Rejects - Will - Last week I said I was rooting for Will, so of course he lost. Not only did he lose but he had a pretty lackluster performance from the majority of his team. Colt McCoy (13.64) was his leading scorer for crying out loud!!! I should rephrase that, Colt McCoy was the leading scorer of individual players, the majority of Will's points came from the upstart Cincinnati Bengal's defense, who benefited from the fact that Charlie Whitehurst has no idea how to play in the National Football League. I will once again come to defend Will though, since it's utterly unfair to assume that this team would be able to win when Aaron Rodgers was on a bye. I'm also not surprised he had to play Pitz this week, and me the week prior (remember, 80 yard bomb to Jennings who was WIDE OPEN!!!).
Black Rice Act II - Dan - I would be lying if I didn't get some satisfaction in Drew (12.66) having his worst game in 2 years while he played for a different team. It won't keep up, hes too damn good, but it was fun. What was interesting was that by Drew not being Drew we had a little bit of a game going into Sunday night between Dan and last place Chucky Peach. Fortunately for Dan Jeremy Maclin stepped up and put away a nice 11.4 day (I'll cover the rest of the match up at the bottom, unless I get tired of doing this and just quickly wrap it up). It is also kinda upsetting that Arian isn't a fluke. The guy put up 18.4 this year and has basically cemented himself as a top 5 pick in non keeper leagues for the next 3-5 years or so. Bastard.
Do You Like Apples? - AD - Damn! What amazing justice it would have been for Hittner to keep winning and then either just miss the playoffs or get smashed in round 1? He still loses by 6 if he replaces Delone Carter with MJD, but I'm going to pretend the math doesn't add up and that this was a win he should have had. Which brings me to an interesting point. Peach loved calling me out for selling my team, and I was winless at the time!!! Where is the AD hate Chuck? The only person that seems to be steaming about this is Pitz since he now is genuinely scared of Titus. Me? My feelings about it? Just one more team for me to leapfrog in my end of the season surge to running off 5 straight victories to make the playoffs (I actually have no idea if that gets me in or not, its just fun to have something to root for...AND I get to yell Tebow a lot), speaking of which...
Tebowing a Miracle - Death - Didn't forget about Kirby this week!!! So was this the week of the defense or what? I have already talked about Buffalo and Cincy for their 24 point effort, but that comes up right behind my boys from Detroit who gave me a hard 29 spot and basically lead me to victory this week. It was tough to enjoy my first week of CJ0k when I hear he started the game with 5 carries for 1 yard. I mean seriously there is no way hes this bad again, right? Right? RIIIIIGHT???? I miss Drew. Speaking of bad, have you seen any of the Tebow highlights? I think at one point he fumbles the ball in a throwing type motion and heaves the damn thing 30 yards backwards. Not good. Not good at all. Despite all that, he still outscored Drew Brees and Philip Rivers. Love me some Tebow. Lastly incase anyone looked at my team I want to talk about Montario Hardesty for a second. I picked this guy up a few weeks ago and stashed him on my roster waiting for him to breakout and start to get carries. Well thanks to injuries on my roster I start him on a week where Peyton Hillis (who Kirby/my opponent is starting) might not play. Boom! Hillis is wearing sweat pants on Sunday and Hardesty gets the start. That means Kirby will get a 0 and I get whatever Montario can do for me. What Montario does is carry the ball twice for 6 yards and tears his calf. ARE YOU SERIOUS BRO??? Now I won't complain too much because I got the win. But congrats Montario you have joined Eric Decker and Chad Ochocinco on my LIST!!!
corn on the kolb - Kirby - So, Victor Cruz...you're umm...hmmm...legit? Since getting regular playing time in week 3, Cruz has scored 23, 9.8, 20.4, 1.2, and 15.9. I think every team here would take that kind of production out of our wr2. The problem is here that other then Frank Gore (19.4) nobody else broke double digits (and he played a team that got 30 points out of a defense), and that formula usually results in a L for the week. I am wondering how Kirby plays out the rest of the season. With a match up with league leading Pitz on the horizon does he hold all his pieces or does Kirby become a seller before the Nov 18 trade deadline. So exciting, or not all...TBD.
The Tolbert Report - Peach - If I'm going into a Sunday Night game down 24 points with DeMarco Murray Dez Bryant, DeSean Jackson, and Philly's D, I'm feeling ok. I'm feeling really good when Philly's D is playing really well. I'm feeling less ok that Dallas is behind so much so they won't run the ball and can't get the ball to Dez. I'm feeling much worse when the lead is so big that Philly's big play receiver doesn't need to make big plays...and Romo still has no idea where Dez is lined up. I have Romo and Witten in another league and was down by about the same amount (with Bowe going on Monday Night...yes...I lost) and was so disgusted in the play of Dallas that I turned on the Walking Dead. No that was not a play on words to describe the Dallas team Sunday night, but I like where you were going with that. Anyway the Walking Dead was great, the game was awful, and I'm 3 weeks behind on Boardwalk Empire. Man...TV is really good now. Who needs the NBA?
That was me attempting to see how bitter I could make Peach while being subtle. Well its time to wrap this up just like Week 8, but before I go I was wondering if I could get some feedback. I mean yea you guys read it all the time, but you're kinda my friends so you might not always be open and honest about if this writing is good or not. So I'm going to turn this over to two guys who I know will give me what I'm looking for.
Waldorf, Statler...what did you think of the blog?
First I was contemplating making it based on how scary the upsets were this week, only problems was there wasn't any. Kinda hard to talk about how abnormal, spooky happenings take place the week of Halloween when everything worked as if there was no Mike Myers (the guy from Halloween, not the guy from the Love Guru...although the latter might be more terrifying). After that idea failed (and I'm kinda glad since I'm not sure how I was going to be able to drag that out) I started thinking about what are characteristics of Halloween that we could use for comparison purposes. For example Pitz could be a king sized candy bar that you get from the rich house that you had to go to when you went trick or treating, and Peach would be the rock that Charlie Brown got at every house when he went out trick or treating.
Ok side bar before I get back to the lecture at hand, why do all those kids treat Chuck Brown like shit every holiday? He gets rocks at Halloween, called a block head every time he sees a classmate, and doesn't even get respect from his dog. For fucksake at Christmas time they called him a failure because he bought a small tree because he saw character in it. What was the rest the cast doing while he was gone? Singing and dancing!!! This "blockhead" wrote a whole script, designed the sets, and was directing the worst collection of egos since the 2003 Lakers. Oh yea, hes in elementary school. So yea he came back with a tiny tree, maybe it was for artistic direction, but did any of those bitches think about that? Nope fucking sluts were too worried about their naturally curly red hair. And finally that bitch Lucy. What a sick whore. First she charges him a dime (which apparently used to be a lot of money) for psychiatric help, but she jingles the money right in front of him and then offers no assistance other then crushing his self esteem. Then as we all know she promises to let him kick the football but always pulls it away at the last second. Really? Really? What you cant let the guy kick the ball once? What did he ever do to you? I'd bet shes amongst the kids who wouldn't let the Trix Rabbit or Lucky the Leprechaun have their cereal that they are the damn spokes person for. Kids are mean man.
Ok main bar. I nixed that idea because I feel like I do that all the time, and I'll probably rehash that idea for Thanksgiving again. I decided to go with talking about random Halloween things that I find interesting and see how much space I can fill. Of course my fourth idea was to go back and see what I wrote about this time last year, but I had already finished 3 paragraphs and decided that that idea wasn't going to work. Anyway a point for Halloween definitely goes to the slutty outfits girls wear. Yes I know exactly how cliche that sounds right about now but hear me out. I never fully appreciated it until this Sunday at the Ravens game when I could not stop staring at the cheerleaders in the second half. I mean I see these girls all the time when I'm there, and it's not like they have to wait till October 31 to wear little to no clothing. The epiphany I reached was that themed slutty is the best slutty ever. One chick was a slutty Ninja Turtle, and you know what? It worked. That makes no sense. Was it her purple mask that only covers her eyes, or the shell she was wearing on her back? I also know that I'm describing the possibility of there being a slutty hunchback, and on the right girl...it will be hot! Now lets be sure to cover the yin and the yang of this Holiday, and that's for every theme slutty there is a sloppy slutty. The sloppy slutty is not awesome, and usually is in form of a cat, or witch, or something else that's just as dumb (anyone see a hot Black Swan this year? Me either). Such a shame a few bad eggs go and have to ruin such a wonderful thing. Finally how did Halloween really come together? Did some guy want to see women scantly dressed, or was it all about the kids first? Which makes it really interesting when you think about how one developed into the other. Did some guy really want a holiday for kids to have fun and eat candy, but his bro just wanted chicks to just wear something other then those damn pilgrim outfits. I'm starting to go crossed now thinking which came first the pervert or the stranger with candy. Ok lets talk about football because this nonsense has gone on way too long.
Just The Tip Drill - Pitz - Annnnnd at the end of week 8 Pitz has become that guy. If you don't know what I'm talking about its because you haven't had a conversation with the guy about this league lately. He's becoming the guy that who was really poor, hit the lottery and is now just blowing all of his cash...while acting like he actually earned it. I mean of course he knew Fred Jackson was going to be in the discussing of MVP of the NFL this year. Of course none of us should be surprised that he has become this guy because lets be honest he always has been, its just his team is finally good enough for the ego to show through. This is the same guy who gave himself the gm of the year award last year. History lesson, he ended up with the #4 overall pick in the draft. In his defense he did make some good trades down the stretch to improve his team...but he was the same gm who drafted the shitty team in the first place. You don't get a plaque for tanking the draft. The one awesome thing this week was that this team has Steven Jackson, and I love a good Steven Jackson story. SJax basically put the Rams on his back, gave a whole speech to the team about no letting the game slip away and helped the Rams upset the New Orleans Saints. I love SJax and the 31 points he scored. Alec, wouldn't you have rather have gotten this guy for a first rounder??? I really hope St. Louis has a winning team in the near future.
Wu Rule #1 - Jason - Another week another win, but unlike our leader he has actually been quiet it about it...which is good cause he was surging up the list of "Guy We All Want To See Lose". Gotta give the guy credit (I mean as much credit as any manager in fantasy football deserves) this was a big win this week. Jason is currently tied for the #1 overall record in the league and just picked up a win on the #3 team, and both teams scored more then 70 points!!! Seriously! I looked it up and everything. Leading the way in the 95 point barrage was Shady McCoy who scored 32 points. Did you realize that McCoy is second in the NFL in rushing? I didn't even know he got any of these points from rushes. He is an Eagle right? They can't possibly run the ball. I'm so confused this year. Just make me go a little more cross-eyed lets talk about a pick up Jason made earlier this year that's paying dividends, Nate Washington. 15 points came from the wide receiver spot that Washington filled this week. Again, the Eagles are running the ball, the Ravens refuse to, Jason is paying attention, and cats are getting along with dogs.
Grundle Stains - Titus - Here is just a fantastic strategy when picking bye week defenses, pick the team playing John Beck or Rex Grossman. Titus went ahead and got 25 points from the Buffalo Bills which was just a little icing on the giant cake which was ass whopping on Ryan Stiltner. Ray Rice (27.9) finally did some poaching of tds as oppose to having them vultured from him, Megatron was Megatron (18.5), and new toy MJD was good for 13.4. I think its fair to say everyone is hoping RunDMC is still hurt, because as annoying as Pitz is getting this guy will be 890,348 times worse.
ZUnstoppableForce - Lars - First 4 games of the season this team was 4-0, the last 4 games 1-3. I'm not really sure where to go with this next, I want to make fun of him and bring up how his season could be disappearing yada yada...but he plays me next. I'm fairly confident since I have the power of Tebow, but you know I can't run my mouth too much right now and not expect some negative karma. Hypothetically speaking though this team does not have an easy run down the stretch, even if they beat the Flying Tebows this weekend. His upcoming games are as follows; Death, Pitz, Dan, AD and Titus. If he goes 3-2 in that stretch he finishes 8-5 and should be safe...if he finishes 2-3 then hes in the abyss of 7-6 teams and who knows who comes out of that!!!
Grundy Grabbers - Alec - Fun fact from one half of our league statistician team; Alec's fantasy defense allows an average of over 100 points per match up. Fun fact #2 Alec is one of six teams who have more points against then scored. Of those six teams two have .500 record (Dan is the other), the other four all have losing records. Basically he is the anti-Jason. Just marinate on this for a second, he played the jv team that Hittner has decided to run out there now in his quest to finish just out of Beer Bitch range and had to deal with Reggie Bush putting up double digits as he ran for over100 yards. Yea Reggie Bush. Speaking of which how funny are those Pizza Hut commercials with Reggie Bush? The guys are bragging about drafting him in their fantasy league, but they never mention when they get him. Are they all excited because they got him in the 8th round? Is Reggie happy cause he even got drafted? Why can't those commercials feature another back like Fred Jackson, or Ryan Torain? Where is Lendale White when you need him?
FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - What can I say here? His team has a decent week other then a few let downs, most noticeably Wes Welker, but he played a team that scored 134 points. I could go and breakdown this team but whats the point? 85 points didn't win, wasn't close, and no real good stories. So what I'm going to do instead is bring up a topic that I like to explore in this blog and talk about something that happened on Monday Night Raw. I have been watching wrestling for as long as I can remember, taking off for a year or two here and there, but like a battered wife with no self-respect I always come back more in love then before. Well Monday I saw something I had never seen before. On Monday the Muppets were the guest hosts and during a match between Jack Swagger and Santino Marella the loveable lab assistant Beaker INTERFERED IN A MATCH!!! It was awesome. I need more Muppets in my life. How can you go another day without wanting to see more of this guy?
Rodgers Rejects - Will - Last week I said I was rooting for Will, so of course he lost. Not only did he lose but he had a pretty lackluster performance from the majority of his team. Colt McCoy (13.64) was his leading scorer for crying out loud!!! I should rephrase that, Colt McCoy was the leading scorer of individual players, the majority of Will's points came from the upstart Cincinnati Bengal's defense, who benefited from the fact that Charlie Whitehurst has no idea how to play in the National Football League. I will once again come to defend Will though, since it's utterly unfair to assume that this team would be able to win when Aaron Rodgers was on a bye. I'm also not surprised he had to play Pitz this week, and me the week prior (remember, 80 yard bomb to Jennings who was WIDE OPEN!!!).
Black Rice Act II - Dan - I would be lying if I didn't get some satisfaction in Drew (12.66) having his worst game in 2 years while he played for a different team. It won't keep up, hes too damn good, but it was fun. What was interesting was that by Drew not being Drew we had a little bit of a game going into Sunday night between Dan and last place Chucky Peach. Fortunately for Dan Jeremy Maclin stepped up and put away a nice 11.4 day (I'll cover the rest of the match up at the bottom, unless I get tired of doing this and just quickly wrap it up). It is also kinda upsetting that Arian isn't a fluke. The guy put up 18.4 this year and has basically cemented himself as a top 5 pick in non keeper leagues for the next 3-5 years or so. Bastard.
Do You Like Apples? - AD - Damn! What amazing justice it would have been for Hittner to keep winning and then either just miss the playoffs or get smashed in round 1? He still loses by 6 if he replaces Delone Carter with MJD, but I'm going to pretend the math doesn't add up and that this was a win he should have had. Which brings me to an interesting point. Peach loved calling me out for selling my team, and I was winless at the time!!! Where is the AD hate Chuck? The only person that seems to be steaming about this is Pitz since he now is genuinely scared of Titus. Me? My feelings about it? Just one more team for me to leapfrog in my end of the season surge to running off 5 straight victories to make the playoffs (I actually have no idea if that gets me in or not, its just fun to have something to root for...AND I get to yell Tebow a lot), speaking of which...
Tebowing a Miracle - Death - Didn't forget about Kirby this week!!! So was this the week of the defense or what? I have already talked about Buffalo and Cincy for their 24 point effort, but that comes up right behind my boys from Detroit who gave me a hard 29 spot and basically lead me to victory this week. It was tough to enjoy my first week of CJ0k when I hear he started the game with 5 carries for 1 yard. I mean seriously there is no way hes this bad again, right? Right? RIIIIIGHT???? I miss Drew. Speaking of bad, have you seen any of the Tebow highlights? I think at one point he fumbles the ball in a throwing type motion and heaves the damn thing 30 yards backwards. Not good. Not good at all. Despite all that, he still outscored Drew Brees and Philip Rivers. Love me some Tebow. Lastly incase anyone looked at my team I want to talk about Montario Hardesty for a second. I picked this guy up a few weeks ago and stashed him on my roster waiting for him to breakout and start to get carries. Well thanks to injuries on my roster I start him on a week where Peyton Hillis (who Kirby/my opponent is starting) might not play. Boom! Hillis is wearing sweat pants on Sunday and Hardesty gets the start. That means Kirby will get a 0 and I get whatever Montario can do for me. What Montario does is carry the ball twice for 6 yards and tears his calf. ARE YOU SERIOUS BRO??? Now I won't complain too much because I got the win. But congrats Montario you have joined Eric Decker and Chad Ochocinco on my LIST!!!
corn on the kolb - Kirby - So, Victor Cruz...you're umm...hmmm...legit? Since getting regular playing time in week 3, Cruz has scored 23, 9.8, 20.4, 1.2, and 15.9. I think every team here would take that kind of production out of our wr2. The problem is here that other then Frank Gore (19.4) nobody else broke double digits (and he played a team that got 30 points out of a defense), and that formula usually results in a L for the week. I am wondering how Kirby plays out the rest of the season. With a match up with league leading Pitz on the horizon does he hold all his pieces or does Kirby become a seller before the Nov 18 trade deadline. So exciting, or not all...TBD.
The Tolbert Report - Peach - If I'm going into a Sunday Night game down 24 points with DeMarco Murray Dez Bryant, DeSean Jackson, and Philly's D, I'm feeling ok. I'm feeling really good when Philly's D is playing really well. I'm feeling less ok that Dallas is behind so much so they won't run the ball and can't get the ball to Dez. I'm feeling much worse when the lead is so big that Philly's big play receiver doesn't need to make big plays...and Romo still has no idea where Dez is lined up. I have Romo and Witten in another league and was down by about the same amount (with Bowe going on Monday Night...yes...I lost) and was so disgusted in the play of Dallas that I turned on the Walking Dead. No that was not a play on words to describe the Dallas team Sunday night, but I like where you were going with that. Anyway the Walking Dead was great, the game was awful, and I'm 3 weeks behind on Boardwalk Empire. Man...TV is really good now. Who needs the NBA?
That was me attempting to see how bitter I could make Peach while being subtle. Well its time to wrap this up just like Week 8, but before I go I was wondering if I could get some feedback. I mean yea you guys read it all the time, but you're kinda my friends so you might not always be open and honest about if this writing is good or not. So I'm going to turn this over to two guys who I know will give me what I'm looking for.
Waldorf, Statler...what did you think of the blog?
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