Intro to Seaon 4

Well I'm obviously not going to be able to keep up with my once impressive blog a week. Too many factors. The biggest one (other than my laziness) is of course the addition of Thursday Night Football. Holy crap. I used to love working on this thing for 2-3 nights and posting on Friday. NOT ANYMORE! Having to crush this thing in too night has just become so intimidating that I've gotten scared and chosen not to start it. Now it is a goal of mine to provide a little nourishment to my baby birds out there (those of you who read this), but still not sure that I'm going to be able to make it as long as past blogs, and they probably won't be weekly. Now that we are all in agreement that this wont be as good as it has been in the past whose ready to dive into the IDP blog 4.0?????

Ya'll Must of Forgot - Hittner - Felt that going into the season with a Bills running back, a Saints running back, and a Chiefs wide receiver would be a strong starting point to build a team. Nails the Drew Brees pick in the first round of the draft then takes Lamar Miller and Tavon Austin to build around. When you spell it out that way, does it surprise anyone that this is the worst team in the league? It's week 3 and Hittner is already focused on not being beer bitch. High expectations for camp Hittner. All I can guarantee is by week 7 Hittner will have his first win. He play me in week 6 and I have never won the Fifa bet....

Cactus Wranglers - Larsen - I actually sympathize with Lars here. If I had the number one overall pick I would have taken Ray Rice. Lars gets Rice #2 overall and was happy at the time. Now we are going into week 3 where Rice has an injury that could prevent him from playing, will definitely lead to more of a shared role with Bernard Pierce, and so far less than 16 points to show for his efforts. Being 0-2 already and second only to Hittner in least amount of points for the season, I feel its going to be a long season for Mikey. Fun fact, Sam Bradford has more fantasy points to date than Matt Ryan (48.64 to 43.32), who Lars traded a third rounder for!

Salisbury Seducers - Dan - Dan starts this season 0-2 and according to my nonexistent stat-checkers, this is an IDP history first!  Dan can be forgiven for this feat since he mortgaged his future to try and win a second title. This dude had a first, second............then a 7th. Vick Ballard was his 3rd draft selection. Thats like creating a stable of Hollywood actresses for your fantasy pimp squad, and taking the fat chick from Bridesmaids. And while you might feel a bit sorry for him, this guy has finished first, second, and third the last 3 years. Pile it on the bastard this year. Pile it on him good!

There's a Keap 4 that - Peach - Was done drafting in the 8th round, so why are we talking about him already? Lowest scoring team with atleast one win for the season. Seriously how does this guy work for ESPN? Oh...right...

Grundy Grabbers - Alec - This guy is surging up my list of most hateable people in the league. He doesnt watch the Sunday Night game when the players going determined if he was going to win the league. Doesn't come to the draft. He leaves all a voicemail which was more a waste of time than anything of substance. Then lastly ends up beating me in the most annoying ways possible last week. Of course there is a monsoon in Seattle on Sunday Night and of course San  Fran forgets how to score, so beast mode goes crazy and scores 31 points. Now combine that with the fact that in a "getting their ass kicked" mode, Redskins safety Branden Marriweather head-hunts Eddie Lacey and takes him outta the game. Lacey scored me one point, the backup that came in, James Starks, he scored 22.8. Think I might have made up that 2 point differential?

Herpa Derpas - Kirby - Only Kirby has the ability to score 125 week 1 then follow up that performance with a meager 77 in week 2. I have no idea what to make of this team. On paper he looks solid (Larry Fitzgerald, Reggie Bush, Steven Ridley), but then again you just dont know if these guys are really going to produce or not (Larry Fitzgerald, Reggie Bush, Steven Ridley). Early season prediction for Kirby, gets the #5 seed in the playoffs, loses first round. Just a hunch. Second Kirby prediction, he's going to drunkingly mix up his beer/cider/moonshine in a crazy brew session and create the next crystal meth. 

Tit Whiskey - Titus - I never understand his names!!! I also don't understand Tony Romo as a keeper this year, but to each their own. The big story here is that Titus was able to grab Shady McCoy #3 overall and might be well on his way of just riding this guy to the playoffs. Fun part about McCoy this year is hes always listed as a top scorer on the tv stations, but they only show his rushing stats. So you will see #1 running back - LeSean McCoy - 43 yards rushing. OH! Thanks CBS. That makes sense. For a second there I thought the 117 Alfred Morris had might be better. Silly me. Obviously they leave out the receiving yards he gets in each game, but its like the yellow "final" scrolling on the bottom of the screen that makes you think there is a flag. Just takes a second to figure it out.

Regester Regulators - Death - I touched most of my feelings earlier when I mentioned Alec, but I should probably clarify why I was so upset. Kirby, yea Kirby can be the #3 highest scorer in a given week and lose. He is prepared for these things, just like Titus has become immune to Liverpool not making Champions League Football. You just get numb to old sensations. Me? ME? I dont know if I have EVER been the #3 scorer in the league. I had never won my opening day game until year 4, and here I was knocking on the door of a 2-0 season and putting up scores that people could actually be envious of. What happens? A rookie running back I start gets concussed or scores less than 5 for the 1,892,045 time. It's.....it's just perfect for me to over react to. I'm not used to good things happening, and yet I still wasnt ready for it. Need to get numb fast.

Just The Tip Drill - Pitz - I don't know if it is on purpose or not, but shouldn't our resident grammar nazi know that in a proper title the "T" in "the" should be lower case? Or did he look this up and there is a rule that its optional in proper nouns? I really don't know the answer and I'm not going to look it up. Don't need to. Pitz will correct me first chance he gets. Our 3x GM of the year, all time leader in titles, and other self proclaimed crap is actually off to a good start. Taking the loss to Kirby week 1 when Peyton scored 7td's and made it seem impossible for anyone playing him in fantasy to get the win while still scoring over 120 and following up that performance with the top scorer of the league honors. I'm going to have to get alot of these out this year because it's the last season I can do this, buuuut Greg Jennings (Will) is on his second team since being taken #1 overall in year 2, Vincent Jackson has been kept by Jason for the full duration of his contract (but no way Jason wouldn't make this trade straight up...oh wait Jason doesn't bet or trade) and Miles Austin (Larsen) has been dumped into the draft year after year. Pitz meanwhile still gets to hang on and enjoy Matt Forte. I hate this memory.

FreshPrincesofFootball - Stilt - This league has seemed to find a way to start rotating the people at the top (well dive into that in a minute), except for Stilt. How is he always here? One of the nicest guys in this league is going to start getting alot of villian* heat here. Like John Cena or from what I hear the dude from Breaking Bad. I am all in on rooting agaisnt Stilt this year, unless he plays Alec....or Titus....

*I misspelled villian. I spelt it villan....shows you how much more I talk about EPL then most other topics.

Rodgers Rejects - Will -
Wu Rule #1 - Jason -

Couldn't separate these two. Raise your hand if after the draft you thought these two are going to take the league by storm. Anyone? Annnnnnnyone? Bueller? Course we didnt. Will was forced to keep the Law-Frim, and showed up to the draft with a dirty napkin that said "Get Drunk" for his notes. So he went by the book, got drunk, made a few comments like "jsut take him, I don't care" and is averging 114 points per game. And you know what? Not to jinx him...but I've said on a few occasions "Will is going to win the league". I'm not even joking. There is just something strange and hypnotic about this team that leads me to it. I'm all in on Will Ray 3.0. Now to Will's positive get behind and support team, there is Jason and his erratic illogical refusal to trade, bet, or listen to what people are saying. It used to be cute, but if he is on his way to a second consecutive playoff birth and potentially a title? I couldn't take it. He was happy about taking the guy from hard knocks, almost screwed up his third round pick because he was indecisive. THIRD ROUNDER! Aren't you still kinda excited about drafting then? What will be interesting to watch is that Jason just lost his number 1 pick, Steven Jackson, and will now rely on his depth. Is it Daily Show time yet? Anyway it is crazy to see these two at the top, but it does prove how competitive this league can be moving forward. Only two weeks in and week 3 starts tonight (yes I know you are all getting this Friday morning). I look forward to the rest of the season, and hopefully I'm able to write up a few more of these for everyone.

Reminder I dont grammar or spell check. Takes enough time to come up with quasiclever shit to talk about in a fake sport league. Just try to enjoy it....like the Matrix sequals.

Season 3

Company party last night. My options at work: do something; nope lack the ability, read the internet; done, talk to people on gchat; hate you guys, actually do a fucking blog......hmmm....hmmm....but I don't  wanna....well then today will be the longest day of your life. Hmm good point me. Of course it is. Now go hit repeat on Bruno Mars' "Locked Outta Heaven" cause the song is perfect and lets insult some people!

So here we go. I hate this season. Season 2 was bad luck, season 3 was just me being dumb and hating life. Good laugh all of you I DONT CARE. I actually do. This is miserable. Why am I going into this sob mode? Easy, I'm not going to be happy go lucky. I hate all of you. ALL OF YOU. So this recap will be how I feel about each and everyone of you as our season (read mine) has ended. Also a reminder....I HATE ALL OF YOU!!!

Angry Blackmon - Peach - Only other player to EVER start Mark Ingram. Naturally he preforms better for Peach. I drafted Ingram in the 3rd round. Just wanted to remind everyone. What pisses me off even more, is that Peach traded away everything for 4th rounders. His team is so bad he is starting David Wilson for his return touchdowns....SO OF COURSE HE HAS A TOP 4 PICK. The gods are cruel. Not because of me drafting after Peach, but because he will be our beer bitch again, and what does that mean? It means Kirby constantly getting up to hand us some of his beer while Peach contemplates taking Peyton Manning forth overall, assuming he doesn't get the number 1 pick overall for a third time in 4 drafts.

Mt Airy Moonshiners - Titus - Not doing the stupid caps thing. Honestly this is the best team name hes ever had and he still finds a way to fuck it up. So here is my Titus story. Trade deadline I send Titus a few trade offers for Ray Rice. Basically prepared to offer him Torrey/Mathews and a third for Ray Rice and a late kick back (back in the long long ago I actually had a shot at the playoffs, yea I don't believe me either). Titus tells me he has an offer for a running back already and isn't interested in anything I have to offer. Well we all know what happens next. Dan gets Ray Rice for a 4th and Felix Jones. Everytime you guys curse about how good Dan's team is, remember this paragraph. Then remember how much we hate Titus, BEFORE he giftwrapped the championship for Dan.

Regester Regulators - Death - I had Adrian Peterson, took Ryan Mathews. Traded Doug Martin for Miles Austin. If anyone of you walks up and slaps me in the face just make sure you bring one of these moments up before I can react. It's basically a get outta jail free card. Oh right. To sum up my season. I would have beat Titus this week, except for the fact that Haloti injured RG3 in the 4th quarter. Which as a  Ravens fan I loved. Then Kirk Cousins dominates us the rest of the game. Of course the Ravens lose and another Redskin qb racks up points. Offuckingcourse.

Rodgers Rejects - Will - Who? I don't know this guy. How did he get in our league? I'm not even angry at him. I'm apathetic towards whoever this person is.

Cactus Wranglers - Larsen - The fantasy moment for me before this weekend. The matchup that knocked me out of playoff contention (and after the trade deadline). Falcons are playing on Sunday night football. Matt Ryan drops back and throws a slant/post whatever to Julio Jones. Julio is GONE. Leaving the defense in his dust. Then he trips. On what? Nothing. Just trips and gets tackled. 2 plays later Micheal Turner scores a touchdown. Offuckingcourse. I lose to Lars. He kept Larry Fitzgerald and Micheal Turner. Why do the gods hate me?

Whatever Dan wants - Pitz - I have to say I'm impressed. This is the third time Pitz wins General Manager of the year. What is strange about that though is he finds himself in the consolation bracket for the second time in three years.

FreshPrincesOfBelAir - Stilt - I don't know if my hangover is subsiding, or I just lack the ability to hate Stilt. Even my loss to him prior to Larsen was due to Andre Johnson catching a 50 yard td in overtime (last play of the game, behind the line of scrimmage bubble screen, seriously my season has been fucked from day one) I kind of just accepted it. What power does he have over us all? He ices you (yes best way possible, but still) hes made the playoffs every year, misses drafts, disappears for months on end, and yet....we love him? I'm struggling to be surly. Fuck I'm rooting for Stilt to win it all.....

Wu Rule #1 - Jason - Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Martin. Doug Marin.



(If you notice I misspelled Martin in once and copy and pasted that over and over again bravo.)

Ok actual Jason rant. We can all agree that fantasy football is pure luck right? Hittner put it best. "Just look at Jason. He's in the playoffs, and his first selection in our draft was the 4th round. And he took Brian Quick."

I hate this game.

Kirby's FF Team - Kirby - So were hanging out at Stilts parking spot before the Ravens/Steelers game and Kirbys dad made a joke about banging a chick. I don't even think I laughed. I just looked at the two of them and said "OOOOOOOOOOOOOH". He is his fathers son. They are the same person. Except Kirby's dad has hair. HA! Burn. I actually am happy for Kirby to be in the playoffs though. I'm sure Dan has stats to back this up, but I feel like he's been the best team to watch the post season for the last 3 years. Kudos my friend. Kudos.

Y'all Musta Forgot - Hittner - Eli Manning, Jordy Nelson, Fred Jackson. Think about this for a second. If Hittner doesn't draft CJ Spiller (handcuff to Fjax) or the Bears Defense (homer pick) this team is probably awful. I'm taking alot of heat for having a stacked draft gone wrong, but going into it Pitz, Hittner, and I were the three looking the best in terms of draft picks. Two of us are out of the playoffs, and the other lost in the first round. This game is bullshit.

BlackRice-Chapter3 - Dan - I speak for everyone when I say. Fuck you Dan. If he wins this year I think we disband this league and start all over. I'm only half kidding. Also just remember what I wrote about in Titus's section, this is all his fault.

Grundy Grabbers - Alec - My most hatefelt rant. In Alec's car post dutchies one day. Alec is talking me off the cliff because I'm so distraught about losing in fantasy. He tells me "Just look at what I do. Draft the same guys every year. Bank on Tom Brady and Peyton Manning and that's it." I dont know if I should be thanking him and moving forward with that strategy, or just bitchslapping him for not caring. His concerns before every draft are as follows and in order: 1) dont mess up the house to where Lisa will get upset 2) meet up with Lisa after the draft 3) don't over cook the chili 4) make fun of Peach 5) watch "goddamnitdonald" no less then 17 times 6) draft Percy Harvin 7)  trade to get Percy Harvin 8) have fun 9) whatever 10) select a team. I hate caring. I hate loving. I hate Alec. I hate Dan. I hate the playoffs. I hate fantasy football. I hate, I hate I hate.

Ugh. Atleast I'll always have this.

Sorry this is quick, lazy and rather angry. I've done an awful job of doing recaps this season and you all have let me know how I let you down. Let's just chalk up season 3 as an off year for the ole commish and hope I'll be back and better then ever in 2013. Lets go Ravens. Lets go Villa. Lets go O's. Lets go America.

Week 4 Recap

WHEW! I'M BACK BABY!. What a draft, am I right? Time to look and see how everyone is going to fare going into week 1.......huh....its week 5! Well atleast my team should be better then last year.....I' 1-3???? I HATE FANTASY FOOTBALL! Ok, calm down, calm down. You had an amazing draft with  picks in the first 3 rounds, I'm sure your team is fine (if you're wondering, the answer is yes I am talking to myself through the medium of this blog, you already knew I was crazy so this should come as no surprise right? I already told them! God why do you ALWAYS interrupt? Cause you take to long with this shit, I mean case in point right here! Oh right the blog! Duh! Shut up.) We drafted Ryan Mathews and we know hes going to be a lead back for the Chargers, lets just get through the week 1 injury and well be fine. (editors note: Ryan Mathews is now #2 on the depth chart and sat out for two weeks). Next, real good, safe pick with Greg Jennings. Solid numbers a sure cant miss to go with the gambles you make later (Greg Jennings hasn't played in one healthy game yet). Ok second round, lets take Doug Martin. (And then lets have Jason punch us in the nuts and take the pick). Boom. We are looking good, so lets take young upstart wide receiver Torrey Smith (hmmmm, survey says you didn't screw this up. Good job). Last pick in the second round RG3!!! (Survey says, NAILED IT! YES!) Ok, third round, MARK INGRAM! Break out year and I get him for the next 2! Brilliant! (DAMNIT!!!) Oh, look at that, another third round pick (cause youre stupid!) MILES AUSTIN! (OVER A TIGHT END? WHY DONT YOU JUST TRADE AWAY A 4TH ROUNDER NEXT YEAR! Wait....this actually worked out for us? Well ok).

Are you all happy you laughed at my expense? Good. Jerks. Let me now tell you why I recapped that; other then the Ravens being 3-1 that is honestly ALL  I know about the NFL this year. Haven't been watching, haven't been paying attention to waiver wires (kinda was hoping I'd get a lucky Jason thing going, NOPE), nothing. I'm kinda clueless right now (no jokes assholes, this is my blog!). With that being said I'm going to go ahead and do my typical blog things while making assumptions on the season based on the little things I may or may not actually know. You should all be well aware that these facts are 100% accurate.

YA'LL MUSTA FORGOT - Hittner - FACT: The Bills are the best team in the NFL. Playoff football in 2012 is all about two things, running the ball and stopping the run. Well apparently the Bills do the first thing ALOT. CJ Spiller is well on his way to 5,000 rushing yards, and I don't see anything being able to stop him. If you have money, any money at all, take it and bet it on CJ Spiller leading the NFL in yards from scrimmage. This guy is a durable tank, only thing stopping him is a healthy Fred Jackson, certainly wont be a collar bone. Side bar. I love Hittner's name. LOVE IT!!!. It reminds me of good times at Towson, where we used to rush back from practice to my dorm room and watch that show with the too guys who argue about sports back and forth (this was before PTI had a name), then we ran to the dining hall and I was able to eat 4 plates of pasta and gain 6 more pounds of muscle mass. If I could do it again I would just walk around with my shirt off reminding myself that I will never look this good again. It will also go well with the ego I had back then to. Side bar to the side bar, I have no idea where this recap is going to go, so god speed children.

Grundy Grabbers - Alec - FACT: RG3sus has lead the Redskins to a perfect 4-0 season and lead the NFC. 2012 is the year of Alec. He's getting married this November, came to 18 O's games and only saw them lose once, AND his Redskins look unbeatable. Look It's no secret that I have an RG3sus obsession, and it should be no secret that I called this from the offseason. It's he cool calm demeanor in the huddle that through osmosis will go to all the other players and allow them to rise to levels they never thought they would achieve and be truly focused on the task at hand. Back to the Alec wedding. Has anyone ever gotten away with just not sending a wedding gift? I normally take them to the actual wedding, but from what I understand I have a full calender year to send them something. Does the bride take notes? I mean I have already gotten to eat and drink for free at this point, and for the first few months you will be too busy or tired from the whole party that you won't be thinking about the ONE gift from me. By the time you have that one moment where it dawns on you that I may not have gotten you something I would definitely be able to get away with it. If you were to confront me I could just get away with a lie. "Did I get you a wedding gift?" "Wow, thanks for not using the solid silver gravy boat." I know these things, I'm married. Alec, see you on December 4!

Earn'n and Burn'n - Dan - FACT: Saints aren't missing a beat this year. Dan is emerging as a hot team again this year and I think all credit has to be given to Drew Brees (Mark Ingram is a close second I can only assume). Know what really sucks about the whole Saints thing? It's like when the Dutchmasters are playing a game and the ref is calling nothing the whole first half. The other team is pushing, kicking, cheapshotting when the play is away from the refs vision. Then in one moment when the game is getting intense and heated and the official now knows he needs to do something he reacts to slight foul from Alec and gives him a card. Alec then loses his mind and starts screaming "Bullshit" because, well it is. Now while we all love a great frustrated Alec rant on the pitch nobody likes whats going on with the Saints right now. Unless you're in the NFC, then its kinda fun. Stupid Goodell.

The Praying Mantises - Pitz - FACT: The Bears are really good this year. Looking at Pitz's team I immediately notice that two of his top performers are skill players from the Chicago Bears. Shame Jay Cutler isn't on Pitz's team because he has been able to take advantage of his playmakers, and honestly would be a huge upgrade over the disappointing Matt Ryan (just see the lack of success Julio Jones had last week, Ryan is struggling). In fact I'm proud of Jay Cutler. Being able to focus on football, and improving his image this season has been tremendous. Why I've heard hes even gotten involved in teaching kids the harm of cigarette smoke. That Jay Cutler, what a guy.

4U70B07$ - Titus - FACT: This is the best name we've ever had (quite a feat when you think of all the names Lars has had over the years). Yes I get it, it says autobots. WHY? Who are the autobots, your team of football players? What do they transform into, underachievers? I wish Titus didn't have Ray Rice. All I want to do is run down a list of why each player on his team sucks, but I couldn't do it as soon as I saw Ray. He's like an adorable puppy with an abusive owner. That's right Titus beats puppies. Thats another fact. Autobots....oh right, sorry, it's cool cause you used numbers as letters. Who does that? There is ONE case, and ONE case alone when that's allowed, and that's when you take your calculator and you spell boobs! That's the America I remember, and that's why I beat you this week!

Wu Rule #1 - Jason - FACT: Danny Amendola leads the NFL in receiving, and the Eagles are finding success this season by running the ball. Of course he gets a win because Danny Amendola goes off for 48 points. How does he win? I don't get it. I drafted solid guys in the first 3 rounds. Other then giving him Doug Martin, Jason's first pick was Jacoby Quick. This angers me. To no end. Jason has two wins this season, and he doesn't even know how to read. Seriously. We talk about comics and I ask him "who wrote it?" his first reaction is to tell me an artist name, because looking at the pretty pictures from a Jim Lee comic is almost as much fun as reading popup books. Just know he is going to score 240 points this week....because I'm his opponent.

Rodgers Rejects - Will - FACT: Green Bay Packers haven't won a game all season, and Aaron Rodgers lost his throwing arm in a car accident and to make matters worse he was NOT insured by State Farm. So awkward when he could only half discount double check. It was a discount single check. How do I know things are going back for the Pack? Well Will send us an email trying to trade Rodgers. This guy was supposed to be the best player in the league this year, now Will would trade him for half a season of Reggie Bush? Incredible. With all seriousness to Will though, it is impressive how he is able to field a line up regularly. Have you tried to call him lately? Yea, HIS PHONE IS OFF. This guy some how is making moves, writing emails, and watching porn without a phone or computer. Is he just breaking into houses and using their laptops? Better yet, did he buy the most up to date beeper? I think that's the case. Didn't even know they had apps. Savvy move from that Will Ray, savvy.

roddy so hotty - Kirby -FACT: Kirby knows what time the O's game is tonight. As I'm writing this Dan is yelling at me to hurry up and finish so I can get it out. Sorry. Damn mind is preoccupied, what with all the booze and everything that has been seeping out of my system lately. I think I went all of August (minus our draft) without drinking. Now WOW. There goes that streak. Speaking of streaks Cal Ripken is calling the O's game last night, that has to be a good luck charm for the O's. Speaking of luck Julio Jones hurt his hand and has been a decoy lately meaning Roddy White and Tony Gonzalez have been reaping the benefits. Speaking of benefits, Kirby has not been reaping them since he sits atop the teams with a 1-3 record, like Charlie Kelly "King of the Rats". Speaking of Rat Kings, I never really liked the ballet and definitely not the Nutcracker, but The Book of Mormon is coming to the Hippodrome! Speaking of hippos remember when my name was the Heaphopopotamus? Man I was better then, even finished third. Speaking of third, Manny Machado has been huge to the O's starting line up. Speaking of O's Cal Ripken is calling the O's game to night, that has to be a good luck charm for the O's.....

Angry Blackmon - Peach - FACT: Peach is racist and that's why he works at ESPN.

Cactus Wranglers - Larsen -  FACT: Matt Stafford looks like he is going to stay healthy. Look if you were banking on Matthew Stafford continuing what he did last year, staying healthy and riding a strong defense to another playoff berth, well that was dumb ("I'll take the Detroit defense, they served me well last year" - Some Jackass at our draft).  I refuse to look up this team. I know 4 players Lars has and that's enough. There is the aforementioned quarterback, a running back that broke down two years ago (Turner), a wide receiver with no QB (Fitzgerald), and a Browns running back with two knee surgeries (Richardson). How am I behind this team? Furious. And what the hell is the Cactus Wranglers thing? Did he just find a picture and think it was funny? Am I writing about Lars, or Kirby? So confused right now.

Regester Regulators - Death - FACT: I havent run out of things to bitch about this week! Umm....well...uhhh...

FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - FACT: RG3 > Cam Newton. Wow. That one was actually true...

2012 Week 3 Recap

So here I being called out for not doing a blog last week. I'M SORRY!!! How will I ever make amends? Well I can tell you it wont be by writing one this week. I'm giving that responsibility to Dan and Hittner again. Please read and enjoy, TAKE IT AWAY DAN!!!

 

 

Where was the week 2 recap?  "Oh sorry I was just busy trying to lock up the first Orioles post season since 1997 (according to what I Googled)" - Matt Death.  That's right!  We were 14 years old (Titus and Will were 18)!  I don't know where I was going with this other than to point out the fact that the O's are doing awesome and Titus and Will are old.  Fun FIFA week this most recent week.  Hittner and Pitz earned themselves a free copy of this years cocaine placed in a plastic DVD case stamped with Messi's head and Dan/Death have to pay $120 for their fix.  Now, on to the league!  Starting at the top of the standings Hittner and I (Dan) will try to keep you amused while we eagerly await the return of the commish.

Y'all Must of Forgot - Hittner - 3-0

Dan's descriptive gif -  "Hey everyone, come see how good I look!"

H - Alright, so I'll be honest here. I specifically requested this as my photo caption. If you think I'm not basking in my week at the top of the standings after suffering through misery in year 2, you are mistaken. I have been very fortunate with some draft choices (C.J. Spiller and Tony Gonzalez especially). I think I have a good team, I don't think I have the best team in IDP, and I don't think I will defeat Pitz this week. But I have had a RB go out in the first half with injury EVERY game this season so far, and 2 of my 3 first round draft picks have been close to useless thus far. I didn't break 100 all of last year, so I'm enjoying the streak while I can. Just hoping to be a factor long-term. Oh, and Yahoo! HATES my team, they still have me projected to finish 7-6...C'mon Man!

D - I'm sure we'll touch on this subject multiple times, but Yahoo's predictions and power rankings, although awesome, are freaking crazy!  I'm #1 in the power rankings.... Pitz is dead last.  Let's think about this.  He just beat me by 35ish?  He's 3-0.  He's projected to go 8-5.  But he's dead last in power rankings?  But I digress.  This is a review of Hittner, not Yahoo.  What's to say about Hittner?  He's living up to his rosterbating hype and I'm terrified of our match-up week 5.  That is all.

Sneaky Fuzzy Italian - Pitz - 3-0

Dan's descriptive gif - Looking strong.... for a little guy

H - Pitz...Oh Pitz...he actually told me pre-draft he intended to go for Matt Ryan (after I told him I was gonna take Eli). After I thought about it I completely agreed with his rationale and he's been a huge part of this team. The Brandon's are solid receivers who have not been spectacular to this point. Pitz is even using a bench spot to hold onto a guy who might not play for several more weeks (Mendenhall) while also having Forte who went out with an injury for several weeks. He scored 120+ last week with a patched together group. Pitz could and should be it for the long haul. But for now, the little baby girl flexing her muscles, doesn't she bear a striking resemblance to our fuzzy Italian friend?

D - Can I honestly say anything bad about a team that just shellacked me?  Best I could do was say he is strong but link a picture of Michelle Tanner flexing.  I honestly thought I had this game and a free copy of FIFA for a third consecutive year. After Andre Brown dropped 25 on me Thursday night, I knew I was screwed.  Pitz may have an ACTUAL (not self proclaimed) viable chance for manager of the year this season.  It takes a lot for me to say that....WAIT, I take it back!

Grundy Grabbers - Alec - 3-0

Dan's descriptive gif - Always at the top of the standings, I'm impressed

H - New Years Resolution...Be nicer to Alec...I can do this...I swear. Beast Mode has been all of it...Eric Decker has definitely been Peyton Manninged, Percy is as Percy does, and his quarterback is STILL gay! Ahmad Bradhsaw and Aaron Hernandez are dinged up. All around Alec has a good looking team. Really does make you say wow! He spends 10x as much time preparing to HOST the draft than he does preparing for the actual draft. He went into the draft with “I want Aaron Hernandez and Percy Harvin” as his strategy. And it WORKS! You know he started Kellen Winslow at TE this weekend? You know, a guy who had just been cut, and signed by a completely new team? He just wishes he had a few more Redskins on his team. Though, if he had RGIII, he would be insufferable, if of course, he bothered to send out as many e-mails as the rest of us.

D - I'm taking this one back to Year 1 when Alec was atop the leader board and I said he was "good but not great" and he got all offended and then I won the championship.  I think that's the case this year too.  Don't get me wrong, he's good, but to win this league you have to be great and/or lucky.  Alec lives in the shadow as the all-time #3 in this league, it's just never discussed, probably because the #1 and #2 (Titus and myself) are so widely hated and so open to being hated.  But lets look at some numbers:  All time points - 3rd behind Titus and myself (6 points ahead of Hittner).  All time wins - 3rd behind Titus and myself.  Average league finish - tied with Stilt for 3rd (Really, Stilt?).  The list goes on and on.  The one thing Alec has that none of us do?  And I find this quite impressive.   In the 29 weeks of regular season play, Alec has NEVER had the weeks lowest score.  So all in all will Alec make the playoff's?  Most likely yes.  Is he a legit contender?  Most likely.... no, but he throws a damn good draft party!

4U70B07$ - Titus - 2-1

Dan's descriptive gif - He's just toying with us by losing this week, I hate Titus.

H - Fucking Titus! Seriously, What the fuck is this team name? He really does just toy with the emotions of the rest of us. Shaving points and losing to our reigning beer bitch was all a part of his master plan. He has 3 players on his bench who I wouldn't even be able to tell you what team they played for. I would honestly question is Shaun Draughn was the name of a REAL football player, or just something Titus snuck onto his roster because he cracked Yahoo's programming codes. He is very Gladiator-esque. In that I think every person in our league looks at a victory over Titus as the biggest trophy on their wall. Peach claimed that this past weekend, ending Titus' winning streak (he tied Jason...FUCKING JASON...for longest winning streak...maybe we wanted Titus to win that, it's embarrassing for Jason to have a record like that in our league). On the bright side, Titus struggles to filed a competent flex player, if someone gets hurt, or you face him on the right bye week, W's can be had. But at full strength, now were all in big trouble. Oh, and fuck Titus!

D - I honestly thought Shaun Draughn was another pseudo name for P. Diddy.  It's not a clothing line?  My complete and utter hatred for Titus is not something that I hide.  Respect the guy?  No, not so much, I just don't like him.  I feel as though the world would be a better place if Titus lost in everything he attempted.  But then when you think about it, when he does lose, he's even more of a dick then when he wins!  He starts hitting you below the belt with personal stuff.  Like "Oh you beat me in putt-putt? Well at least I'm not retarded!".  Ouch Titus, ouch.  So I guess we have the better of the 2 when he's winning?  Wait... Titus... what's that on your foot? ......

PRAYING MANTIS!!!

We now know his weakness!!!  By the way, his team name says "Autobots".

Earn'n and Burn'n - Dan - 2-1

Dan's descriptive gif - You're supposed to win by 30 Yahoo said, you'll do great Yahoo said.... BAM out of nowhere Pitz hits me with 122!

H - Possibly my favorite GIF of the set. WHAM! Truck tire! Dan might have the best team in the league right now, just happened to throw up a ho-hum week when Pitz went OFF! Sitting at 2-1 but a clear contender, as always. Dan has more overall success than anyone in IDP, more wins, more points, more Finals appearances, and a Championship. Yet we all hate Titus. Not Dan. So were all biased in our own ways I suppose. On a random long-term note, Dan doesn't look to be I great position for keepers this offseason ( a problem facing MANY of us). He'll have Gronk! But after that, Dwayne Bowe? Titus Young? Randall Cobb? I am nitpicking here, but I have to reach sometimes to criticize the teams I like the most. So I found something.

D - Thanks.  I'm very well aware of my predicament for keepers.  You're saying that Joique Bell isn't a quality keeper?  I may just pull a Jason and keep my defense!  It's been nice being on top.  But I fear after this season my time may be coming to an end.  Why?  Just the fact that 60% of my points are coming from my keepers (insert Pitz comment where he corrects me and gives actual percentage).  As for this season I just hope to take it week by week, not lose to Jason, and make the playoffs again.  Next up... Stilt.

Rodgers rejects - Will - 2-1

Dan's descriptive gif - Solid start, looks like he's staring at the playoffs this year!

H - With absolutely NO help from the running backs on his roster, Will is in good damn shape. Great QB, Great TE, GREAT WR. Good future keepers. Yahoo is a big fan of him if you check out their projections. Life is good for Will Ray. Only one thing is missing, he hasn't talked any shit via e-mail. Which is basically a requirement around here. He DID inquire about making a trade. But nothing has come from that thus far. I want to write more, but im 90% sure he doesn't even know these words exist.

D - Will - I'll trade you Joique Bell for Aaron Rodgers.  Yes, he's a running back.  No, I don't know what team he's on.  Deal?  I think Will is going to be a bubble team this year despite what Yahoo says.  In that 7-6 or 6-7 range, either just making the playoffs or just missing them.  This makes me happy and sad.  I'm happy to see Will move up the standings and become a better team (he will definitely finish better than anybody else that drafted with a hand written top 100).  I'm sad that our beer bitch will never be as good.  Charles Peach should be ashamed to have even called himself a bartender.  I went into this draft expecting to see him on roller skates, my drink to never be fully empty, shit to be on fire, and not knowing whether to applaud him or to weep because I just witnessed a beautiful performance.  Oh I wept alright, when I had to fill my CHAMPIONS mug on my own!  Twice!

Angry Blackmon - Peach - 1-2

Dan's descriptive gif - PEACH BEAT TITUS!

H - Peach...he sits at 1-2. I dropped 130+ on him a week ago. And yet, he took a W off of Titus this past weekend. His decision to go with MJD at #1 overall looks like a brilliant decision (I agreed with it even back then with him holding out). Demarco Murray has been solid as well. Suddenly Peach, who had nothing in Rbs for the last 2 years, is making it happen with the running game. The namesake of his team (Justin Blackmon) has yet to do anything noteworthy. He owns a Green Bay Running Back, which is basically a wasted roster spot. He currently rosters 3 QB's as well. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but he took a big W, and is obviously capable of big weeks, and wins over anybody. But the season-long projection doesn't look good with the roster composed this way. But I am no expert, so who the fuck knows. I DO know, that I pretty much re-enacted that Anchorman scene when Peach beat Titus last weekend (let's see how many times I can mention that this weekend...I'll probably get handed my ass by 60+ when I face Titus later this season...)

D - Okay, I was mean to Peach before because of his absolutely awful beer bitching abilities (honestly though... it was SOOOO bad).  I think we missed the most important thing here.  HE BEAT TITUS!  Suck it Titus!.  I do however see Peach battling with Will for that final playoff spot.  Solely happy with that outcome.  Happy again to see people climb the league ladder and ECSTATIC that I will not have to endure such a poor beer bitch performance in my life again!

Wu Rule #1 - Jason - 1-2

Dan's descriptive gif - 119 points week 2, 56 points week 3, there's no telling what his team will do next

H - Point output cut in half in one week. Michael Vick got the dreaded “vote of confidence” this week. What kind of long-term prospects exist here? I projected Jason to be the beerbitch at next years draft, and I still think that he is a strong candidate for that (although NOT the only candidate). When I look at Jason's team, I see strong potential players, maybe they just don't like playing for Jason?

D - I have to disagree with Hittner here.  No I don't see Jason making the playoffs,but I don't see him being beer bitch,  I see more like 4-9.  The reason being exactly the gif I gave him.  You have no idea what he's going to do next.  After he put up 82 in week 1 I said "I don't see him scoring much more than that this season".  Then he drops 119 on  Kirby (seriously, will he catch a break ever?).  Week 3 is more of what I expected out of him for the season.  But as we've all learned with Jason, you just never know what he's going to say or do next.  I think I speak for all of us when I say I love that about him.

Cactus Wranglers - Lars - 1-2

Dan's descriptive gif - "I have a losing record?" - Lars

H - PERFECT gif for Lars. Does he even know he's playing fantasy football anymore? Is Stafford's injury serious? Does Lars know this happened? Is he aware that Leshoure went OFF in his first NFL action? How many of his own players do you think Lars could name off the top of his head? 5? 6? 8? Trent Richardson looks like he might be all of it. But two games against the Ravens and Steelers will be a challenge for him...I had the Shonn Greene experience last year, that was not pleasant for me at all, I am sure Lars is not enjoying it either. Demaryius Thomas was he #1 receiver in Fantasy through 2 weeks, Peyton likes him quite a bit so far it seems. That could be an excellent potential longterm star in IDP...Hopefully Lars pays attention and manages his team well, it is an absolute playoff contender.

D - I feel like we have these same questions every year, mostly from the guys that don't play soccer with Lars.  Is Lars alive?  Should we include him in league emails?  Does Lars even know how to read or is all of this time I take out of doing my job a waste?  All jokes aside it is a nice added personality (or lack there of) to have in the league.  We all fit into our own niche and it wouldn't be the greatest league in the world if we didn't.  Oh... um... Lars' team is okay but he won't win the title this year.  He did change his name though.

corn on the kolb - Kirby - 0-3

Dan's descriptive gif - EVERY FREAKING YEAR! CAN HE CATCH A BREAK!?

H - This is getting a little ridiculous. He is in a near dead heat with our commissioner for most points scored against. 3 consecutive years Kirby puts out teams with lots of good players, and consistently scores points. Yet, he loses matchups. His collection of Wide Receivers is tremendous, his Running Backs are good, when Antonio Gates actually plays he has a good Tight End. It just doesn't make sense that this roster is 0-3. By all rights Kirby should be a playoff contender. Yet who knows if he will ever appease the fantasy gods, and start to get a few more W's. One bright spot for Kirby, he always plays well against Hittner, undefeated against Hittner in IDP so far. Just sayin...

D - He plays well against Hittner AND brews delicious beer.  Did you guys see on Facebook last night he was kegging a vanilla bean porter?  I fucking love vanilla bean porters!  I wish I could soak in a bath of vanilla bean porter if it weren't such a waste of amazing beer!  Of course there's no reason for him to be 0-3.  He gets us drunk every year at the draft with out us giving him a cent.  Is that not a good enough sacrifice to the gods!?  I suppose we'll never know.  Just like Kirby's fantasy results, what goes on inside his head is a conundrum.  I don't know what that's supposed to mean, I just wanted to use the word conundrum.  For those curious, Conundrum is also a winery that makes a delicious white.  Don't try the red though, it's as gross as Kirby's 0-3 record.

Regester Regulators - Death - 0-3

Dan's descriptive gif - One word

H - I feel really bad about this one. Did I jinx the fuck out of this team or what? The amazing thing is, LOOK at that roster and tell me it's not full of outstanding players. RGIII, Julio Jones, Miles Austin, Ryan Mathews, Martellus Bennett, Greg Jennings, Torrey Smith...How do you go 0-3 to start the season with that group? Oh right, through 3 weeks Death has had 351 points scored against him! Nearly 120 per week average...OUCH! Maybe my preseason projections and predictions put a HUGE target on his back. Regardless, you don't want to face this team, there is talent everywhere. Eventually they might get their shit together. If not Death might do his Warren G impression and start “regulating” some of his IDP opponents.

D - "Talent on his roster Death does have." - Yoda.  He owns 3 of the top 6 WR's in the league, the top QB, and a top 5 TE.  How that correlates into and 0-3 record... I have no idea.  "One thing that doesn't lie is numbers" - Marc Pitonzo (same height as Yoda).  In the first 3 weeks of the league Matt "Death" Death is a combined  4-29 against the league.  Lets take a look at previous years through week 3.  Year 1 - Will Ray: 7-26 against the league.  Ended up: Beer Bitch.  Year 2 - Charles Peach: 4-29 against the league.  Ended up: Beer Bitch.  The numbers speak the truth and his future looks inevitable.... beer bitch.

FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - 0-3

Dan's descriptive gif - I'm not gonna beat you while your down.... wait, yes I am

H - Stilt is a really nice guy...I could just stop there...I'll try a little harder. His team, not doing so hot. Cam Newton is not dropping huge weeks like last year. Andre Johnson has mostly been cold (except for week 3). Wes Welker struggled against everyone but the Ravens so far. Isaac Redman sucks (theres a reason he went to Bowie State). He even drafted the WRONG NYG backup running back.. Oh and his snipe of Ogletree during the opening game of the season has done nothing for him. Pole position for beerbitch right now. Barring some significant improvements by his key players and returning keepers, he might maintain a stranglehold on that position all season. 3 weeks is too early to write off a season, but he may already be planning ahead to next season very shortly.

D - Talk shit about the guy I'm playing this week?  Yeah right.  Oh he's dead last?  I don't care, I'm still going to sing him praises.  Right now Stilt is just in this lull because he took advantage of that whole Ogletree situation.  After this week it will all pan out and he'll be fine.  Don't worry about Stilt (who should change his name to " The Ice King" or simply "Ice King" or maybe "Ice Ice BITCH!" or even "Yeah I have a pen you can borrow") he'll be fine.  Let's hope he doesn't finish last though because I don't want to drink Smirnoff Ice all day long at the draft next year.  That job is reserved for Jason.... and Kirby.

Week 1 recap

Death is extremely busy with the playoff bound O's so he asked for substitutes.  What he got was Dan and Hittner giving their extremely biased and often insulting points of view for the public to see.

Match up of the week - The Hand - 110.16 def. The Commish - 80.34

Dan on Death - After being caught multiple times roster-bating at the draft, Death went into this opening weekend with high hopes. His starters did little to get excited about, but I'm sure he has a rager from the thoughts of Julio and Robert leading his team, while Rivers' future as a starter is left in question.

Dan on Pitz - That sneaky fuzzy Italian... Wins the weekly incentive, has over 30 points in WR's riding the pine, his defense scores -2 points (seriously, Buffalo?), and he puts up 110 points.  Watch out for Pitz if you have him coming up soon, he looks scary good.  (leaked photo of Pitz after the 1:00pm games Sunday)

 

Hittner Recap- So did I jinx the commish or what? Declared hm my preseason favorite to win it all, and placed him atop my power rankings...My bad...I still love what he did in the draft, but potential “breakout” players don't necessarily breakout immediately, so we will see how things progress for the commish. Now Mr. Pitonzo, his decision to go for Matt Ryan looks potentially great. His man-crush on Brandon Marshall is off to a great start and overall, looked like one of the best teams in the league in week 1. And as Dan pointed out, VERY deep at WR. Is 110 the most points scored in IDP history with 1 started contributing a negative number? Can we get the Elias Sports Bureau on that?

Dan - 95.06 def. Peach - 86.12

Dan on Dan - The keepers came to play, that's all I can say.  23 from Drew, 19 from Arian, and 12 from Rob accounting for almost 60% of Dan's total points.  Mike and Mike (Wallace and Bush) offered some solid support for the opening weekend with 9.7 and 16.2.  Dan has Peach's number that's for sure.  4-0 all time after this weekend, they'll meet again week 12 as Dan attempts to continually knock down Peach and get win #5

Dan on Peach - Gotta be excited about the return of Peyton and for Demarco's performance.  MJD will come around, WR's are solid, but this week 1 loss had to leave Peach with his head shaking.  It doesn't get much easier in the next few weeks for Peach with games against Hittner and Titus, it could be a slow start to the season for our reigning cellar dweller.

Hittner Recap- Well...Peach outscored me...Peyton played very well as Dan said, but will never live up to his lofty status as the first ever draft pick in IDP history...And Peach will never stop hearing about this...Although wasnt the RB formerly known as CJ2K the other highly coveted option there? For the record I was in the “If I draft #1 overall I'm taking Adrian Peterson” boat that year. So I feel good about that. As for Dan. His on again off again relationship with Mike Wallace returned. Very respectable numbers for a guy who only practiced 2-3 times prior to the game. Dan's beloved backups RB's Michael Bush and Ben Tate...well...they are backups...

Titus - 138.58 def. Kirby - 80.90

Dan on Titus - I hate Titus so much.  Not even a little bit, it's complete and utter hatred.  He just sits there all pompous and puts up 138 points.  His only player not in double digits?  His kicker with 7.  Romo 24.48, fuck you, Megatron 11.1, fuck you, Reggie Wayne 13.5 (SERIOUSLY REGGIE WAYNE!?), fuck you, Ray Rice 21.3, okay that was cool, Run DMC 11.8, fuck you, Vernon Davis 10.3, fuck you, Kevin Smith 21.1, fuck you, and the Baltimore defense with 18!!  I can only imagine what Titus looked like watching his team dominate...... yeah, that seems accurate.

Dan on Kirby - If I were Kirby I would have been terrified to look at the final score of this one.  I mean Kirby's team had a decent day.  17 from Gore, 11.5 from Reggie Bush, good numbers from his bench... Kirby will be alright in the future, I truly believe that, he just tried to approach the beast calmly this week and Titus let him have it.

Hittner Recap- 21.1 from Kevin Smith??? Seriously??? Titus has picked up right where he left off...And so have the rest of us...Does anyone even like Titus anymore? He is definitely the “heel” of the IDP (do we have a babyface anywhere???) Every player Titus starts turns to fantasy gold...Kirby...he has a good team. A playoff contender...But nobody is touching Titus right now...On the bright side, hopefully someone on Titus' team will get hurt (NOT RAY RICE) … That would be ideal

Hittner - 85.72 def. Lars - 83.70

Dan on Hittner - Got away with a close one!  Fred Jackson out for a month.  Don't worry too much for Hittner he has CJ Spiller on the bench that only put up 23.4 points, I think he'll be fine until Fred returns.  Hakeem was a little disappointing but the big conundrum is who does Hittner start at QB?  Eli is solid but suddenly Cutler with all his weapons looks a lot more dangerous then in years past.

Dan on Lars - Lars is all talk, no bite.  He had to be excited to see Demaryius put up big numbers in week 1.  Stafford will be better than what we saw this week, but in order for Lars to succeed something needs to happen in the RB position.  3.2 from Turner and 4.4 from Richardson definitely hurt.

Hittner Recap- I was thrilled to come away with a W here after grossly mismanaging my roster. Not neccesarily my fault, I mean you cant project a player getting knocked out early (Fjax), but we pulled out just enough to get the W over a feisty Larsen. I am excited about knowing Spiller will be the go-to guy in Buffalo for a few weeks. I am NOT excited that Sproles had 1 carry, on a 2-pt conversion attempt. I like having a QB controversy. I went with Cutler as my backup expecting Chicago to be greatly improved on offense, and in week 1 they certainly were. For Larsen, his RBs underachieved, and there was Beanie sitting on his bench, injured, as usual...That could come forth to be a serious problem. He needs Stafford to get back to playing like last years version, and he might be the zunstoppable force again?

Will - 101.02 def. Jason - 82.18

Dan on Will - Jason updated his slogan from "You Best Protect Ya Neck!!!" to "Protect Ya Neck kid!!!" before this match-up.... an obvious and necessary update if you were to ask me.  Regardless, Will took his advice and did just that watching Rodgers go for 23.82, 'quan 12.6, Jimmy 14.5, and the Law Firm 15.5.  The icing on the cake was Nate Kaeding throwing down a solid 18 points to finish off Jason and leave Will overcome with joy..

Dan on Jason - Honestly, I'm surprised.  I'm surprised and shocked that Jason's team scored over 80 points.  How'd he get there?  19.88 from Vick, 11.6 from LeSean, Houston put up 15, Gostkowski added 10, and 11.8 points from a Doug Martin player that I'm sure Jason is still ecstatic he out witted Death for.  All in all, I don't see Jason scoring much more than this in any given week the rest of the season.

Hittner Recap- Jason isn't necessarily a “heel”, he's just incompetent so we all want him to suffer for his stupidity. For public record I will say, Jason, I love you man! And I mean that. You make this league so entertaining. When he loses Shady and Vick after this season, there will be trouble afoot. His Doug Martin theft came in handy. But my favorite thing about this matchup? Who finished off Jason? Nate Kaeding...the kicker he had on his roster last preseason, when he decided to ADD a second kicker and drop Sproles, who led Dan to the Finals...Jason later dropped Kaeding before week 1. In my mind, Nate Kaeding knew this, and wanted to make sure he stuck it to Jason Pack this weekend...and stick it to him he did! BJGE's running performance bodes well for Will's potential this season, Boldin is an animal, my love for him is unrivaled, his TD “catch” was glorious. The funny thing, Rodgers didn't even play “that” well. Will's team may be capable of much more.

Alec - 90.34 def. Stilt - 62.22

Dan on Alec - Alec got lucky this week with poor roster setting from Stilt.  Don't get me wrong he still put up 90 points but sometimes you need luck to succeed.  Alec had all his old favorites show up for the week 1 party.  Brady, Percy, Ahmad, and Aaron Hernandez all in double digits.  Alec looks again to be a formidable opponent on any given weekend.  It should be noted that Alec is the first person to complete the league "Collect'em All".  He has successfully beaten every team at least once with his victory over Stilt this weekend.  Congrats Alec, we're proud of you!

Dan on Stilt - "Oh I'm sorry, I was too busy making sure a nuclear power plant didn't melt down so that you all had energy to watch your precious football games that I didn't even take this week seriously ." said Stilt, always.  Could Stilt have won this game? Yes.  But that's just his mentality.  He'd rather put more thought into how to ice you at the draft than his weekly roster.  Yeah, he had the lowest score this week, but do you honestly think that bothers him?  I think Stilt will make you pay if you take him lightly...

2012 Draft Recap

Season starts TOMORROW! Craziness. So naturally its time to start insulting each other for the next couple of months. The first shot is fired by Mr. Adam Hittner. Please enjoy his Draft review which allows me to sandbag not doing any work for another week. Ladies and gentleman, Hittners Recap:

OK.  So year 3 of IDP is upon us.  I felt compelled to write a little IDP season preview as we approach the first week of REAL football games.  You might recall I did something like this a year ago.  I will save you the suspense, I was right about EVERYTHING (except of course, for my own team).  So lets see if I can bat 1.000 two years in a row!

First and foremost.  After the draft (and after an ABUNDANCE of preseason moves by some owners  ::cough:: Jason Pack:: cough) I can look at the rosters of every one of the IDP teams and see how they can be dangerous on any given week.  I will not make it a habit to say nice things about Jason’s team or his management style.  But he has Vick, Shady and Vincent Jackson.  Those are 3 solid players.  

Team Previews:

Jason Pack- Now to my more traditional approach with Jason.  We had a 12 round draft (plus 3 keepers).  Since the conclusion of the draft Jason has made 8 moves (editors note: he's up to fucking 9 now...at one point he dropped Evan Royster to pick up Mike Tolbert.  Today he dropped Mike Tolbert to pick up Evan Royster...Deck chairs on the titanic Jason, Deck chairs on the Titanic...).  Basically 2/3rds of his draft, he has changed...What this says to me is why in the world is Jason so adamant about “not trading away draft picks ever again”.  He clearly doesn't need draft picks.  His plan is to take whatever players the rest of us leftover after the draft, and try to beat us with them.  If this works for the 2^nd year in a row, fuck, I might have to quit fantasy football altogether.

Will Ray-  Everyone has heard of Aaron Rodgers right?  Will owns that guy for one more year, and when you own Rodgers, anythings possible.  Additionally A.J. Green and Jimmy Graham are huge assets that make a very potentially dangerous team.  Will does likely need some RB help.  Roy Helu plays for Mike Shanahan, so who the fuck knows what will happen there.  The Law-Firm was a great pickup and will be the strength of Will's running game.  If Knowshon of Legarrette overachieve a playoff run is likely.

Ryan Kirby-  In a year with tremendous WR depth, Kirby seems to have the market cornered.  He has last years breakout star Victor Cruz, paired with the very consistent Roddy White, add Marques Colston as a flex option and Stevie Johnson on the fucking bench!  Oh! Robert Meachem too!  His Quarterback is a rapist, so that's certainly a negative.  BUT Kirby makes outstanding fucking beer so there is always that.  If Frank Gore has anything left in the tank for this year Kirby's team could do big things.  OH.  Crazy WR depth...he TRADED AWAY Julio Jones just before keepers were declared.  Ridiculous!

Peach-  He gets one name and one name only.  I am a little biased, I did vote for Peach for best draft on draft night at Alec's.  MJD has finally reported, even if he isn't up to full speed for a couple of weeks, he will be great.  Keep in mind that he also drafted him for up to 3 years.  He will be happy with the selection (way more than his FIRST #1 overall selection).  If Demarco Murray is what he showed in about 6 quarters of action last year Peach will be a factor.  Will Desean Jackson give a shit this year is a HUGE question.  This hurts Peach doubly because, ya know, he's an Eagles fan.  So Desean's douchiness last year really double fucked poor Peach...And the Peyton Manning debacle was just a complete an utter lack of lubrication or foreplay all-around.  It CANNOT be worse for Peach this year.  No fucking way.

Michael Larsen-  Matthew Stafford if he stays healthy will lead this team.  Larry Fitzgerald is as talented as any WR in the NFL...But John Skelton is not good (but Kevin Kolb is full-on shitty, so it's an upgrade!)  Michael Turner, muck like MJD is hated in IDP.  Nobody ever thinks he's any good.  We will see how that turns out.  I love his backup, mostly for his name.  Trent Richardson has more knee surgeries than NFL carries.  But I did secretly hope he would fall to me in the draft (though I fell off the bandwagon the week of the draft, after the 2^nd surgery).  Brandon Pettigrew at TE is a good value selection, and the double-dip with Stafford is nice there.  Megatron will not score 16 times again this year, but Detroit could and should still be prolific on offense.  Demaryius Thomas could get PeytoManning effect and become a huge factor in driving this team to IDP glory.

Ryan Stiltner-  I don't even want to talk about Stilt's team, or his draft.  I don't even want to do my Dan impression and talk about his majestic locks.  I wont even touch on his INCREDIBLE performance during a full-fledged pissed off fiancé phone call 4^th of July weekend (absolutely AMAZING!)  I want to talk about his icing of Jason.  That was so perfectly played it was incredible.  He just casually left his backpack in the corner.  WAITING for somebody to need, well, anything.  What did Jason need? Was it a pencil?  A piece of paper?  A beach towel?  A 3^rd string kicker?  Whatever it was Stilt claimed he had one “in the front pocket of my backpack over there”  BOOM! Ice!   My personal nominee for bamboozling of the season (until we get to Deaths recap)

Alec Eschbach-  Alright, so my New Years Resolution (in IDP) is to be less of an ass to Alec...Only to Alec though, so fuck the rest of you guys.  He's got a great QB (tho he's a little...uhh...fucking gay).  Bradshaw and Beast Mode, if they repeat last years successes will make four outstanding RB options.  After Death and I finished drafting in round 7, we had a lot of time to talk at the draft.  I REALLY hoped to come out of the draft with Percy.  Alec's man crush on Percy is much greater than mine and so he came up with him again.  (He has drafted him 3 straight years...ok fine he draft day traded for him this year...but that shit counts).  While the whole world will likely focus on Gronk! this year, Hernandez could be huge for Alec (and as a side bonus, it will piss off Dan).  On the downside, Alec's roster currently has 3 players on it that were cut by their REAL teams...

Marc Pitonzo-  I personally liked this team better with Mike Wallace than with Brandon Lloyd.  But that is the type of move that could potentially lead Pitz to the IDP promised land  Additionally he gets rid of one of his 2 keepers in the final year of a contract...Good long term planning...Went for Matt Ryan at QB over Tony Romo, everybody hates Romo too but he puts up fantasy points.  Although I see his logic, Roddy, Julio, Gonzalez, a solid running game.  He could be this years version of Matthew Stafford.  Pitz does have Rashad Jennings (who will be useful for much of the season, and will be a lead RB for at least a couple weeks).  Pitz starts Kyle Rudolph at TE.  Who the fuck is that?  I was sure Pitz would keep Fred Jackson, as he ended up on my team I am thrilled that he did not however.  Thanks buddy!

Adam Hittner-  I debuted the team name for the 2012-2013 season.  Ya'll Must of Forgot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWIqZKhNY90 

Potentially the greatest pound for pound fighter ever.  Creates potentially the WORST hip-hop/r&b hybrid song ever.  But he makes a great point.  He was down for a time, but he came back (look this was created many years ago...)  I tanked last year, decided to build up my draft for this season and I am happy with the end result.  I am even pleased with what I ended up with at TE.  The biggest downside of my team, lack of TD's at the RB position.  I've got JC and Sproles, yardage guys who come out of the game in goalline areas.  I'm not super excited about this weakness, but I think Hakeem/Jordy/Dez make a great trifecta of WR options.  Eli and Cutler will handle QB duties competently.  I am confident on a return to respectability, the playoffs, and hopefully a possible championship run!

Matt Death-  I love what Death did.  He has so many players that are high-upside potential big-time breakout players.  Those are the players that win you championships.  Julio Jones, Ryan Mathews (I'm including him) Ingram (of course) RGIII, Torrey Smith, Darrius Heyward-Bey...Any of these guys could have HUGE years.  Oh and he has MILES AUSTIN buried on that bench too.  AND if Michael Turner dies (sorry Larsen) he has Jacquizz Rodgers who can can catch out of the backfield, and could be very valuable.  I think Death is one of the favorites for the title this year.  Can you IMAGINE how good his team would be if he didn't just DONATE a 3^rd round draft pick to Jason in a display of complete and utter brain fart like none of us have ever seen.  Add EITHER Percy Harvin, or Doug Martin to his roster...just think about that for a second.

Dan Clemson-  Dan came into the draft with outstanding keepers.  Probably the #1 RB and #1 TE and Drew fucking Brees as QB.  Drafted Brandon Lloyd, but moved him for Mike Wallace (candidate to do a Desean Jackson impression this year...)  Ben Tate could be the X-factor here.  Dan could legitimately start two RBs from the same damn team and get serious points from them both consistently.  2 IDP years, 2 trips to the championship game, and 1 title.  Dan will be a factor as always, but I would rank him outside of the top 2 going into this season.

Fuck Titus-  That's his name right?  Like his full government name?  I don't believe this Adrian bullshit, all I ever hear is “fuck Titus”  so I assume we are all just showing him due respect as the champ by using his full-name.  Whatever.  His team is so fucking good he DROPPED MJD.  He didn't even try to trade him?  Why??? Because fuck Titus, that's why!  Ray Rice and Run-DMC as starting RBs.  Romo as his leader at QB, and potential comeback years from Randy Moss and Mike Williams are what fuck Titus is relying on this year.  OH! And fuck Titus has VD on his Tight End...some jokes are too easy, but need to be made anyways.

Power Rankings:

My completely biased, personal opinions on where each of the 12 teams in our league rank:

1. Death
2. Fuck Titus
3. Dan
4. Hittner
5. Alec
6. Pitz
7. Stilt
8. Peach
9. Larsen
10. Kirby
11. Will
12. Jason
    

I spent VERY little time calculating the above rankings.  Just my gut feelings.  I think fuck Titus is going to be hurt by lack of depth (as he traded away a lot of draft picks to get last year's title).  Similar issue for Dan.  Death has so much fucking upside it's ridiculous, if some of those guys hit it big, he will be laughing all the way to the bank...I just hope Jason doesn't embarrass himself anymore (though I would rather he embarrass himself than the rest of us by beating us...fuck Wu Rule #1)

Projected Champ!

Our commissioner, Matthew Philip Death is my preseason projected champion.

Projected Beerbitch!

Jason Pack.  Prepare to be VERY thirsty at next year's draft fellas.  Peach did not live up to Will's performance from the year before.  But based on how Jason has performed in the draft by itself, add beerbitch duties to his day.  May God have mercy on our souls.

Thanks to Dan Clemson for his help in coming up with some outstanding visual aides to assist in gettign across some o fth emore important points.

Alright gentlemen!  That's about it from me.  Gave me a little something to do before heading to bed...Good luck (but not too much luck) and don't forget,Fuck Titus!