So here I being called out for not doing a blog last week. I'M SORRY!!! How will I ever make amends? Well I can tell you it wont be by writing one this week. I'm giving that responsibility to Dan and Hittner again. Please read and enjoy, TAKE IT AWAY DAN!!!
Where was the week 2 recap? "Oh sorry I was just busy trying to
lock up the first Orioles post season since 1997 (according to what I
Googled)" - Matt Death. That's right! We were 14 years old (Titus and
Will were 18)! I don't know where I was going with this other than to
point out the fact that the O's are doing awesome and Titus and Will are
old. Fun FIFA week this most recent week. Hittner and Pitz earned
themselves a free copy of this years cocaine placed in a plastic DVD
case stamped with Messi's head and Dan/Death have to pay $120 for their
fix. Now, on to the league! Starting at the top of the standings
Hittner and I (Dan) will try to keep you amused while we eagerly await
the return of the commish.
Y'all Must of Forgot - Hittner - 3-0
Dan's descriptive gif - "Hey everyone, come see how good I look!"
H
- Alright, so I'll be honest here. I specifically requested this as my
photo caption. If you think I'm not basking in my week at the top of the
standings after suffering through misery in year 2, you are mistaken. I
have been very fortunate with some draft choices (C.J. Spiller and Tony
Gonzalez especially). I think I have a good team, I don't think I have
the best team in IDP, and I don't think I will defeat Pitz this week.
But I have had a RB go out in the first half with injury EVERY game this
season so far, and 2 of my 3 first round draft picks have been close to
useless thus far. I didn't break 100 all of last year, so I'm enjoying
the streak while I can. Just hoping to be a factor long-term. Oh, and
Yahoo! HATES my team, they still have me projected to finish 7-6...C'mon
Man!
D
- I'm sure we'll touch on this subject multiple times, but Yahoo's
predictions and power rankings, although awesome, are freaking crazy!
I'm #1 in the power rankings.... Pitz is dead last. Let's think about
this. He just beat me by 35ish? He's 3-0. He's projected to go 8-5.
But he's dead last in power rankings? But I digress. This is a review
of Hittner, not Yahoo. What's to say about Hittner? He's living up to
his rosterbating hype and I'm terrified of our match-up week 5. That
is all.
H
- Pitz...Oh Pitz...he actually told me pre-draft he intended to go for
Matt Ryan (after I told him I was gonna take Eli). After I thought about
it I completely agreed with his rationale and he's been a huge part of
this team. The Brandon's are solid receivers who have not been
spectacular to this point. Pitz is even using a bench spot to hold onto a
guy who might not play for several more weeks (Mendenhall) while also
having Forte who went out with an injury for several weeks. He scored
120+ last week with a patched together group. Pitz could and should be
it for the long haul. But for now, the little baby girl flexing her
muscles, doesn't she bear a striking resemblance to our fuzzy Italian
friend?
D - Can
I honestly say anything bad about a team that just shellacked me? Best
I could do was say he is strong but link a picture of Michelle Tanner
flexing. I honestly thought I had this game and a free copy of FIFA for
a third consecutive year. After Andre Brown dropped 25 on me Thursday
night, I knew I was screwed. Pitz may have an ACTUAL (not self
proclaimed) viable chance for manager of the year this season. It takes
a lot for me to say that....WAIT, I take it back!
Grundy Grabbers - Alec - 3-0
Dan's descriptive gif - Always at the top of the standings, I'm impressed
H
- New Years Resolution...Be nicer to Alec...I can do this...I swear.
Beast Mode has been all of it...Eric Decker has definitely been Peyton
Manninged, Percy is as Percy does, and his quarterback is STILL gay!
Ahmad Bradhsaw and Aaron Hernandez are dinged up. All around Alec has a
good looking team. Really does make you say wow! He spends 10x as much
time preparing to HOST the draft than he does preparing for the actual
draft. He went into the draft with “I want Aaron Hernandez and Percy
Harvin” as his strategy. And it WORKS! You know he started Kellen
Winslow at TE this weekend? You know, a guy who had just been cut, and
signed by a completely new team? He just wishes he had a few more
Redskins on his team. Though, if he had RGIII, he would be insufferable,
if of course, he bothered to send out as many e-mails as the rest of
us.
D
- I'm taking this one back to Year 1 when Alec was atop the leader
board and I said he was "good but not great" and he got all offended and
then I won the championship. I think that's the case this year too.
Don't get me wrong, he's good, but to win this league you have to be
great and/or lucky. Alec lives in the shadow as the all-time #3 in this
league, it's just never discussed, probably because the #1 and #2
(Titus and myself) are so widely hated and so open to being hated. But
lets look at some numbers: All time points - 3rd behind Titus and
myself (6 points ahead of Hittner). All time wins - 3rd behind Titus
and myself. Average league finish - tied with Stilt for 3rd (Really,
Stilt?). The list goes on and on. The one thing Alec has that none of
us do? And I find this quite impressive. In the 29 weeks of regular
season play, Alec has NEVER had the weeks lowest score. So all in all
will Alec make the playoff's? Most likely yes. Is he a legit
contender? Most likely.... no, but he throws a damn good draft party!
4U70B07$ - Titus - 2-1
H
- Fucking Titus! Seriously, What the fuck is this team name? He really
does just toy with the emotions of the rest of us. Shaving points and
losing to our reigning beer bitch was all a part of his master plan. He
has 3 players on his bench who I wouldn't even be able to tell you what
team they played for. I would honestly question is Shaun Draughn was the
name of a REAL football player, or just something Titus snuck onto his
roster because he cracked Yahoo's programming codes. He is very
Gladiator-esque. In that I think every person in our league looks at a
victory over Titus as the biggest trophy on their wall. Peach claimed
that this past weekend, ending Titus' winning streak (he tied
Jason...FUCKING JASON...for longest winning streak...maybe we wanted
Titus to win that, it's embarrassing for Jason to have a record like
that in our league). On the bright side, Titus struggles to filed a
competent flex player, if someone gets hurt, or you face him on the
right bye week, W's can be had. But at full strength, now were all in
big trouble. Oh, and fuck Titus!
D
- I honestly thought Shaun Draughn was another pseudo name for P.
Diddy. It's not a clothing line? My complete and utter hatred for
Titus is not something that I hide. Respect the guy? No, not so much, I
just don't like him. I feel as though the world would be a better
place if Titus lost in everything he attempted. But then when you think
about it, when he does lose, he's even more of a dick then when he
wins! He starts hitting you below the belt with personal stuff. Like
"Oh you beat me in putt-putt? Well at least I'm not retarded!". Ouch
Titus, ouch. So I guess we have the better of the 2 when he's winning?
Wait... Titus... what's that on your foot? ......
PRAYING MANTIS!!!
We now know his weakness!!! By the way, his team name says "Autobots".
Earn'n and Burn'n - Dan - 2-1
Dan's descriptive gif - You're supposed to win by 30 Yahoo said, you'll do great Yahoo said.... BAM out of nowhere Pitz hits me with 122!
H
- Possibly my favorite GIF of the set. WHAM! Truck tire! Dan might have
the best team in the league right now, just happened to throw up a
ho-hum week when Pitz went OFF! Sitting at 2-1 but a clear contender, as
always. Dan has more overall success than anyone in IDP, more wins,
more points, more Finals appearances, and a Championship. Yet we all
hate Titus. Not Dan. So were all biased in our own ways I suppose. On a
random long-term note, Dan doesn't look to be I great position for
keepers this offseason ( a problem facing MANY of us). He'll have Gronk!
But after that, Dwayne Bowe? Titus Young? Randall Cobb? I am nitpicking
here, but I have to reach sometimes to criticize the teams I like the
most. So I found something.
D
- Thanks. I'm very well aware of my predicament for keepers. You're
saying that Joique Bell isn't a quality keeper? I may just pull a Jason
and keep my defense!
It's been nice being on top. But I fear after this season my time may
be coming to an end. Why? Just the fact that 60% of my points are
coming from my keepers (insert Pitz comment where he corrects me and
gives actual percentage). As for this season I just hope to take it
week by week, not lose to Jason, and make the playoffs again. Next
up... Stilt.
Rodgers rejects - Will - 2-1
Dan's descriptive gif - Solid start, looks like he's staring at the playoffs this year!
H
- With absolutely NO help from the running backs on his roster, Will is
in good damn shape. Great QB, Great TE, GREAT WR. Good future keepers.
Yahoo is a big fan of him if you check out their projections. Life is
good for Will Ray. Only one thing is missing, he hasn't talked any shit
via e-mail. Which is basically a requirement around here. He DID inquire
about making a trade. But nothing has come from that thus far. I want
to write more, but im 90% sure he doesn't even know these words exist.
D -
Will - I'll trade you Joique Bell for Aaron Rodgers. Yes, he's a
running back. No, I don't know what team he's on. Deal? I think Will
is going to be a bubble team this year despite what Yahoo says. In that
7-6 or 6-7 range, either just making the playoffs or just missing them.
This makes me happy and sad. I'm happy to see Will move up the
standings and become a better team (he will definitely finish better
than anybody else that drafted with a hand written top 100). I'm sad
that our beer bitch will never be as good. Charles Peach should be
ashamed to have even called himself a bartender. I went into this draft
expecting to see him on roller skates, my drink to never be fully
empty, shit to be on fire, and not knowing whether to applaud him or to
weep because I just witnessed a beautiful performance. Oh I wept
alright, when I had to fill my CHAMPIONS mug on my own! Twice!
Angry Blackmon - Peach - 1-2
Dan's descriptive gif - PEACH BEAT TITUS!
H
- Peach...he sits at 1-2. I dropped 130+ on him a week ago. And yet, he
took a W off of Titus this past weekend. His decision to go with MJD at
#1 overall looks like a brilliant decision (I agreed with it even back
then with him holding out). Demarco Murray has been solid as well.
Suddenly Peach, who had nothing in Rbs for the last 2 years, is making
it happen with the running game. The namesake of his team (Justin
Blackmon) has yet to do anything noteworthy. He owns a Green Bay Running
Back, which is basically a wasted roster spot. He currently rosters 3
QB's as well. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but he took a big W,
and is obviously capable of big weeks, and wins over anybody. But the
season-long projection doesn't look good with the roster composed this
way. But I am no expert, so who the fuck knows. I DO know, that I pretty
much re-enacted that Anchorman scene when Peach beat Titus last weekend
(let's see how many times I can mention that this weekend...I'll
probably get handed my ass by 60+ when I face Titus later this
season...)
D
- Okay, I was mean to Peach before because of his absolutely awful beer
bitching abilities (honestly though... it was SOOOO bad). I think we
missed the most important thing here. HE BEAT TITUS! Suck it Titus!.
I do however see Peach battling with Will for that final playoff spot.
Solely happy with that outcome. Happy again to see people climb the
league ladder and ECSTATIC that I will not have to endure such a poor
beer bitch performance in my life again!
Wu Rule #1 - Jason - 1-2
Dan's descriptive gif - 119 points week 2, 56 points week 3, there's no telling what his team will do next
H
- Point output cut in half in one week. Michael Vick got the dreaded
“vote of confidence” this week. What kind of long-term prospects exist
here? I projected Jason to be the beerbitch at next years draft, and I
still think that he is a strong candidate for that (although NOT the
only candidate). When I look at Jason's team, I see strong potential
players, maybe they just don't like playing for Jason?
D
- I have to disagree with Hittner here. No I don't see Jason making
the playoffs,but I don't see him being beer bitch, I see more like 4-9.
The reason being exactly the gif I gave him. You have no idea what
he's going to do next. After he put up 82 in week 1 I said "I don't see
him scoring much more than that this season". Then he drops 119 on
Kirby (seriously, will he catch a break ever?). Week 3 is more of what
I expected out of him for the season. But as we've all learned with
Jason, you just never know what he's going to say or do next. I think I
speak for all of us when I say I love that about him.
H
- PERFECT gif for Lars. Does he even know he's playing fantasy football
anymore? Is Stafford's injury serious? Does Lars know this happened? Is
he aware that Leshoure went OFF in his first NFL action? How many of
his own players do you think Lars could name off the top of his head? 5?
6? 8? Trent Richardson looks like he might be all of it. But two games
against the Ravens and Steelers will be a challenge for him...I had the
Shonn Greene experience last year, that was not pleasant for me at all, I
am sure Lars is not enjoying it either. Demaryius Thomas was he #1
receiver in Fantasy through 2 weeks, Peyton likes him quite a bit so far
it seems. That could be an excellent potential longterm star in
IDP...Hopefully Lars pays attention and manages his team well, it is an
absolute playoff contender.
D
- I feel like we have these same questions every year, mostly from the
guys that don't play soccer with Lars. Is Lars alive? Should we
include him in league emails? Does Lars even know how to read or is all
of this time I take out of doing my job a waste? All jokes aside it is
a nice added personality (or lack there of) to have in the league. We
all fit into our own niche and it wouldn't be the greatest league in the
world if we didn't. Oh... um... Lars' team is okay but he won't win
the title this year. He did change his name though.
H
- This is getting a little ridiculous. He is in a near dead heat with
our commissioner for most points scored against. 3 consecutive years
Kirby puts out teams with lots of good players, and consistently scores
points. Yet, he loses matchups. His collection of Wide Receivers is
tremendous, his Running Backs are good, when Antonio Gates actually
plays he has a good Tight End. It just doesn't make sense that this
roster is 0-3. By all rights Kirby should be a playoff contender. Yet
who knows if he will ever appease the fantasy gods, and start to get a
few more W's. One bright spot for Kirby, he always plays well against
Hittner, undefeated against Hittner in IDP so far. Just sayin...
D
- He plays well against Hittner AND brews delicious beer. Did you guys
see on Facebook last night he was kegging a vanilla bean porter? I
fucking love vanilla bean porters! I wish I could soak in a bath of
vanilla bean porter if it weren't such a waste of amazing beer! Of
course there's no reason for him to be 0-3. He gets us drunk every year
at the draft with out us giving him a cent. Is that not a good enough
sacrifice to the gods!? I suppose we'll never know. Just like Kirby's
fantasy results, what goes on inside his head is a conundrum. I don't
know what that's supposed to mean, I just wanted to use the word
conundrum. For those curious, Conundrum is also a winery that makes a delicious white. Don't try the red though, it's as gross as Kirby's 0-3 record.
Regester Regulators - Death - 0-3
Dan's descriptive gif - One word
H - I
feel really bad about this one. Did I jinx the fuck out of this team or
what? The amazing thing is, LOOK at that roster and tell me it's not
full of outstanding players. RGIII, Julio Jones, Miles Austin, Ryan
Mathews, Martellus Bennett, Greg Jennings, Torrey Smith...How do you go
0-3 to start the season with that group? Oh right, through 3 weeks Death
has had 351 points scored against him! Nearly 120 per week
average...OUCH! Maybe my preseason projections and predictions put a
HUGE target on his back. Regardless, you don't want to face this team,
there is talent everywhere. Eventually they might get their shit
together. If not Death might do his Warren G impression and start
“regulating” some of his IDP opponents.
D
- "Talent on his roster Death does have." - Yoda. He owns 3 of the top
6 WR's in the league, the top QB, and a top 5 TE. How that correlates
into and 0-3 record... I have no idea. "One thing that doesn't lie is
numbers" - Marc Pitonzo (same height as Yoda). In the first 3 weeks of
the league Matt "Death" Death is a combined 4-29
against the league. Lets take a look at previous years through week 3.
Year 1 - Will Ray: 7-26 against the league. Ended up: Beer Bitch.
Year 2 - Charles Peach: 4-29 against the league. Ended up: Beer Bitch.
The numbers speak the truth and his future looks inevitable.... beer
bitch.
FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - 0-3
Dan's descriptive gif - I'm not gonna beat you while your down.... wait, yes I am
H
- Stilt is a really nice guy...I could just stop there...I'll try a
little harder. His team, not doing so hot. Cam Newton is not dropping
huge weeks like last year. Andre Johnson has mostly been cold (except
for week 3). Wes Welker struggled against everyone but the Ravens so
far. Isaac Redman sucks (theres a reason he went to Bowie State). He
even drafted the WRONG NYG backup running back.. Oh and his snipe of
Ogletree during the opening game of the season has done nothing for him.
Pole position for beerbitch right now. Barring some significant
improvements by his key players and returning keepers, he might maintain
a stranglehold on that position all season. 3 weeks is too early to
write off a season, but he may already be planning ahead to next season
very shortly.
D
- Talk shit about the guy I'm playing this week? Yeah right. Oh he's
dead last? I don't care, I'm still going to sing him praises. Right
now Stilt is just in this lull because he took advantage of that whole
Ogletree situation. After this week it will all pan out and he'll be
fine. Don't worry about Stilt (who should change his name to " The Ice
King" or simply "Ice King" or maybe "Ice Ice BITCH!" or even "Yeah I
have a pen you can borrow") he'll be fine. Let's hope he doesn't finish
last though because I don't want to drink Smirnoff Ice all day long at
the draft next year. That job is reserved for Jason.... and Kirby.
