2012 Draft Recap

Season starts TOMORROW! Craziness. So naturally its time to start insulting each other for the next couple of months. The first shot is fired by Mr. Adam Hittner. Please enjoy his Draft review which allows me to sandbag not doing any work for another week. Ladies and gentleman, Hittners Recap:

OK.  So year 3 of IDP is upon us.  I felt compelled to write a little IDP season preview as we approach the first week of REAL football games.  You might recall I did something like this a year ago.  I will save you the suspense, I was right about EVERYTHING (except of course, for my own team).  So lets see if I can bat 1.000 two years in a row!

First and foremost.  After the draft (and after an ABUNDANCE of preseason moves by some owners  ::cough:: Jason Pack:: cough) I can look at the rosters of every one of the IDP teams and see how they can be dangerous on any given week.  I will not make it a habit to say nice things about Jason’s team or his management style.  But he has Vick, Shady and Vincent Jackson.  Those are 3 solid players.  

Team Previews:

Jason Pack- Now to my more traditional approach with Jason.  We had a 12 round draft (plus 3 keepers).  Since the conclusion of the draft Jason has made 8 moves (editors note: he's up to fucking 9 now...at one point he dropped Evan Royster to pick up Mike Tolbert.  Today he dropped Mike Tolbert to pick up Evan Royster...Deck chairs on the titanic Jason, Deck chairs on the Titanic...).  Basically 2/3rds of his draft, he has changed...What this says to me is why in the world is Jason so adamant about “not trading away draft picks ever again”.  He clearly doesn't need draft picks.  His plan is to take whatever players the rest of us leftover after the draft, and try to beat us with them.  If this works for the 2^nd year in a row, fuck, I might have to quit fantasy football altogether.

Will Ray-  Everyone has heard of Aaron Rodgers right?  Will owns that guy for one more year, and when you own Rodgers, anythings possible.  Additionally A.J. Green and Jimmy Graham are huge assets that make a very potentially dangerous team.  Will does likely need some RB help.  Roy Helu plays for Mike Shanahan, so who the fuck knows what will happen there.  The Law-Firm was a great pickup and will be the strength of Will's running game.  If Knowshon of Legarrette overachieve a playoff run is likely.

Ryan Kirby-  In a year with tremendous WR depth, Kirby seems to have the market cornered.  He has last years breakout star Victor Cruz, paired with the very consistent Roddy White, add Marques Colston as a flex option and Stevie Johnson on the fucking bench!  Oh! Robert Meachem too!  His Quarterback is a rapist, so that's certainly a negative.  BUT Kirby makes outstanding fucking beer so there is always that.  If Frank Gore has anything left in the tank for this year Kirby's team could do big things.  OH.  Crazy WR depth...he TRADED AWAY Julio Jones just before keepers were declared.  Ridiculous!

Peach-  He gets one name and one name only.  I am a little biased, I did vote for Peach for best draft on draft night at Alec's.  MJD has finally reported, even if he isn't up to full speed for a couple of weeks, he will be great.  Keep in mind that he also drafted him for up to 3 years.  He will be happy with the selection (way more than his FIRST #1 overall selection).  If Demarco Murray is what he showed in about 6 quarters of action last year Peach will be a factor.  Will Desean Jackson give a shit this year is a HUGE question.  This hurts Peach doubly because, ya know, he's an Eagles fan.  So Desean's douchiness last year really double fucked poor Peach...And the Peyton Manning debacle was just a complete an utter lack of lubrication or foreplay all-around.  It CANNOT be worse for Peach this year.  No fucking way.

Michael Larsen-  Matthew Stafford if he stays healthy will lead this team.  Larry Fitzgerald is as talented as any WR in the NFL...But John Skelton is not good (but Kevin Kolb is full-on shitty, so it's an upgrade!)  Michael Turner, muck like MJD is hated in IDP.  Nobody ever thinks he's any good.  We will see how that turns out.  I love his backup, mostly for his name.  Trent Richardson has more knee surgeries than NFL carries.  But I did secretly hope he would fall to me in the draft (though I fell off the bandwagon the week of the draft, after the 2^nd surgery).  Brandon Pettigrew at TE is a good value selection, and the double-dip with Stafford is nice there.  Megatron will not score 16 times again this year, but Detroit could and should still be prolific on offense.  Demaryius Thomas could get PeytoManning effect and become a huge factor in driving this team to IDP glory.

Ryan Stiltner-  I don't even want to talk about Stilt's team, or his draft.  I don't even want to do my Dan impression and talk about his majestic locks.  I wont even touch on his INCREDIBLE performance during a full-fledged pissed off fiancé phone call 4^th of July weekend (absolutely AMAZING!)  I want to talk about his icing of Jason.  That was so perfectly played it was incredible.  He just casually left his backpack in the corner.  WAITING for somebody to need, well, anything.  What did Jason need? Was it a pencil?  A piece of paper?  A beach towel?  A 3^rd string kicker?  Whatever it was Stilt claimed he had one “in the front pocket of my backpack over there”  BOOM! Ice!   My personal nominee for bamboozling of the season (until we get to Deaths recap)

Alec Eschbach-  Alright, so my New Years Resolution (in IDP) is to be less of an ass to Alec...Only to Alec though, so fuck the rest of you guys.  He's got a great QB (tho he's a little...uhh...fucking gay).  Bradshaw and Beast Mode, if they repeat last years successes will make four outstanding RB options.  After Death and I finished drafting in round 7, we had a lot of time to talk at the draft.  I REALLY hoped to come out of the draft with Percy.  Alec's man crush on Percy is much greater than mine and so he came up with him again.  (He has drafted him 3 straight years...ok fine he draft day traded for him this year...but that shit counts).  While the whole world will likely focus on Gronk! this year, Hernandez could be huge for Alec (and as a side bonus, it will piss off Dan).  On the downside, Alec's roster currently has 3 players on it that were cut by their REAL teams...

Marc Pitonzo-  I personally liked this team better with Mike Wallace than with Brandon Lloyd.  But that is the type of move that could potentially lead Pitz to the IDP promised land  Additionally he gets rid of one of his 2 keepers in the final year of a contract...Good long term planning...Went for Matt Ryan at QB over Tony Romo, everybody hates Romo too but he puts up fantasy points.  Although I see his logic, Roddy, Julio, Gonzalez, a solid running game.  He could be this years version of Matthew Stafford.  Pitz does have Rashad Jennings (who will be useful for much of the season, and will be a lead RB for at least a couple weeks).  Pitz starts Kyle Rudolph at TE.  Who the fuck is that?  I was sure Pitz would keep Fred Jackson, as he ended up on my team I am thrilled that he did not however.  Thanks buddy!

Adam Hittner-  I debuted the team name for the 2012-2013 season.  Ya'll Must of Forgot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWIqZKhNY90 

Potentially the greatest pound for pound fighter ever.  Creates potentially the WORST hip-hop/r&b hybrid song ever.  But he makes a great point.  He was down for a time, but he came back (look this was created many years ago...)  I tanked last year, decided to build up my draft for this season and I am happy with the end result.  I am even pleased with what I ended up with at TE.  The biggest downside of my team, lack of TD's at the RB position.  I've got JC and Sproles, yardage guys who come out of the game in goalline areas.  I'm not super excited about this weakness, but I think Hakeem/Jordy/Dez make a great trifecta of WR options.  Eli and Cutler will handle QB duties competently.  I am confident on a return to respectability, the playoffs, and hopefully a possible championship run!

Matt Death-  I love what Death did.  He has so many players that are high-upside potential big-time breakout players.  Those are the players that win you championships.  Julio Jones, Ryan Mathews (I'm including him) Ingram (of course) RGIII, Torrey Smith, Darrius Heyward-Bey...Any of these guys could have HUGE years.  Oh and he has MILES AUSTIN buried on that bench too.  AND if Michael Turner dies (sorry Larsen) he has Jacquizz Rodgers who can can catch out of the backfield, and could be very valuable.  I think Death is one of the favorites for the title this year.  Can you IMAGINE how good his team would be if he didn't just DONATE a 3^rd round draft pick to Jason in a display of complete and utter brain fart like none of us have ever seen.  Add EITHER Percy Harvin, or Doug Martin to his roster...just think about that for a second.

Dan Clemson-  Dan came into the draft with outstanding keepers.  Probably the #1 RB and #1 TE and Drew fucking Brees as QB.  Drafted Brandon Lloyd, but moved him for Mike Wallace (candidate to do a Desean Jackson impression this year...)  Ben Tate could be the X-factor here.  Dan could legitimately start two RBs from the same damn team and get serious points from them both consistently.  2 IDP years, 2 trips to the championship game, and 1 title.  Dan will be a factor as always, but I would rank him outside of the top 2 going into this season.

Fuck Titus-  That's his name right?  Like his full government name?  I don't believe this Adrian bullshit, all I ever hear is “fuck Titus”  so I assume we are all just showing him due respect as the champ by using his full-name.  Whatever.  His team is so fucking good he DROPPED MJD.  He didn't even try to trade him?  Why??? Because fuck Titus, that's why!  Ray Rice and Run-DMC as starting RBs.  Romo as his leader at QB, and potential comeback years from Randy Moss and Mike Williams are what fuck Titus is relying on this year.  OH! And fuck Titus has VD on his Tight End...some jokes are too easy, but need to be made anyways.

Power Rankings:

My completely biased, personal opinions on where each of the 12 teams in our league rank:

1. Death
2. Fuck Titus
3. Dan
4. Hittner
5. Alec
6. Pitz
7. Stilt
8. Peach
9. Larsen
10. Kirby
11. Will
12. Jason
    

I spent VERY little time calculating the above rankings.  Just my gut feelings.  I think fuck Titus is going to be hurt by lack of depth (as he traded away a lot of draft picks to get last year's title).  Similar issue for Dan.  Death has so much fucking upside it's ridiculous, if some of those guys hit it big, he will be laughing all the way to the bank...I just hope Jason doesn't embarrass himself anymore (though I would rather he embarrass himself than the rest of us by beating us...fuck Wu Rule #1)

Projected Champ!

Our commissioner, Matthew Philip Death is my preseason projected champion.

Projected Beerbitch!

Jason Pack.  Prepare to be VERY thirsty at next year's draft fellas.  Peach did not live up to Will's performance from the year before.  But based on how Jason has performed in the draft by itself, add beerbitch duties to his day.  May God have mercy on our souls.

Thanks to Dan Clemson for his help in coming up with some outstanding visual aides to assist in gettign across some o fth emore important points.

Alright gentlemen!  That's about it from me.  Gave me a little something to do before heading to bed...Good luck (but not too much luck) and don't forget,Fuck Titus!

Week 13 recap

Well now all the questions are answered. Jason is the number one seed. GOOD NIGHT!!! Tip your waitress I'm out.

Sadly I'm not going to get off that easy am I? Well tell ya what, the playoffs are set, the top six draft order is set...and I'm pretty sure I wrote about how terrible everyone's team would be right after the draft happened. Let's see how poorly I did.

Wu Rule #1 - Jason - I did like Jason snatching up Matt Schaub in the 3rd to solidify the quarterback spot, but selecting Eli Manning two rounds later well, that's the Jason Pack we all know. So lets all raise a Smirnoff Ice or 7 and toast to Jason once again being a bottom feeder in the league. Cheers.

Hmmmm. Schaub really solidified the QB spot didn't he? In a bit of an ironic twist the 3rd round pick Schaub made 3 starts for Jason. Eli turned out to be the guy for the Wu and of course we know that this team could not have been farther from the bottom. Oh and while that all sets in remember that the Smirnoff Ice comment in there was because he was "iced" more then anyone else at the draft (the exact numbers are a bit fuzzy to me) thanks to him not paying attention to what he was doing. I know Jason thinks that because he is the number one seed and has a first round bye that I was going to let him off the hook. Can't do it. Not after the hostility you promised to pass my way had I earned the Will Ray of Hope award and beer bitch duties. Jason wanted to point out to me about how important McCoy was to him (seriously by the way? you have the #1 seed locked up you forget to start McCoy and then you go off on a 3 day hissy fit about how he should be starting and then you send a trash talking text to the guy who finished in the a race to avoid worst record in the league?). He even went so far as to pride himself in drafting him. Nope! You think that guy was staying on the board that long? Scott Polyniak, the guy you have cursed for your terrible team, the guy who gave you Flacco and Grant also gave you LeSean McCoy. I say you call and apologize. Maybe even thank him.

Black Rice Act II - Dan - After the risky Maclin move Dan didn't exactly make another splash instead going with solid players like The Law-Firm, and aging receivers Donald Driver and Deion Branch. There really isn't much else to break down with this team, if Arian and CJ2K do what they are suppose to do the rest of the team could consist of Scott Polyniak and Eddie Baum and Dan will be headed to the playoffs...

Option # 3: if Dan trades CJ2K for Drew Brees he will surge into the playoffs and finish the season with the most points. I don't care how many predictions we all made preseason (and we made quite a few), none of us would have predicted those two players would have been on different teams come this week 13 recap. I also question how many of us were thinking that Rob Gronkowski would be tying the NFL record for touchdowns in a season from a tight end? One thing I feel like we could have predicted was that Dan would get into trash talking matches with more then one other member from the league. Just when I am ready to annoint Jason/Dan as THE rivalry in the IDP, he goes off and totally rekindles the Pitz/Dan hatred. Oh man. Do you know how much fun it would be if Dan's gauntlet  was Pitz then Jason? Well I guess it would be fun for us...but then that would mean Dan would be winning. I feel like this is a weird superlative for Dan. He has gotten "Most Likely To Be Hated By Everyone In The League", two years running. Congrats?

Just the Tip Drill - Pitz - Pitz definitely improved his team and with the strength of his keepers this could be a playoff bound team this year, but lets be honest this team is going as far as Vick takes them.Also can I be the first to point out that Pitz's team is the most gangsta of all of us? I mean he's got Blounts and Fortes!!! Boomslang!

 I went back and forth about which quote to use. On one hand I could have talked about Matt Forte...AGAIN. Look that guy was a stud all year long and for Pitz to lose him at this moment along with Fred Jackson just seems wrong. Almost as wrong...well let's say twisted...that Pitz has now lost 3 bets in a row to Dan. Two versions of Fifa, and now he is destined to be named by Dan for all of next season. I almost wonder if it will be something simple yet effective. Let's not be too sympathetic for Pitz however, this is the same guy who gave himself "GM of the Year Award" two years running. It is incredibly easy to root against him so I don't want any of you to feel any differently towards him now!!! Back to the quote at hand, other then avoiding talking about Forte, whose name has to be mentioned more then any other player in all 2011 blogs, I wanted to point out how Vick and Blount are no longer even on his team. This team wasn't going as far as Vick could carry him, but how far his running backs would carry him. Just have to wonder if they didn't quite get far enough.

FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - The next four players selected all have had some sort of major surgery in the last 2 years (Welker, Finley, Rice, Hardesty). They might all bounce back and have great years, or ya know, not. I do actually really like the Tim Hightower pick, but lets talk more about the picks I don't like. Braylon Edwards, failed a drug test, David Garrard, cut, Tony Moeaki, out for the season

Ya...ok...NONE OF US KNEW CAM NEWTON WOULD BE AMAZING!!! I could not have been more wrong about Stilt, but had any of us known Newton would be that good I doubt he would have gotten in in free agency. Not only that, but Stilt makes a great little deal for Reggie Bush who apparently remembered how to play football. Not that Peach isn't bitter about that now. In Stilt's ultimate destruction of us all last week he got 54 points from just those two players. That was two points off Peach's total. Again, not that Peach is bitter. Where as the top 3 teams so far have all some sort of trash talking they have brought upon everyone Stilt has kept his mouth shut and fallen into some stars. Here is my reward for Stilt's good behavior, "Bro, you gotta try the Theron". 


Grundle Stains - Titus - The James Starks pick could comeback to be a gem in this draft, same with handcuffing Micheal Bush...but this still seems like a potentially great draft came up a little short.

I really could not resist bringing up the Micheal Bush handcuff. In the 8 weeks that Titus held onto Micheal Bush he scored 0.9 points for Titus. Dan has him for 5 weeks and the guy puts up 85.8 points...7th most of any player this year for him...and that's behind two quarterbacks. That guy was good. Now I feel kind of bad for that dig so lets talk about the other guy in the quote, James Starks. Titus was able to trade away Starks for Jordy Nelson who has been a godsend to this team averaging over 10 points a game from the wide receiver spot. No surprise though, again, this team has Ray Rice and MEGATRON. Along the way they will get RunDMC and just for good measure a traded for MJD. Lets make fun of him for Micheal Bush again!!!

Grundy Grabbers - Alec -  Marshawn Lynch, Steve Smith, and CJ Spiller seem like they could be solid for Alec this year, I mean we all know their names and they have been associated with fantasy football in the past, but that was the past. All three of the players play on what the French call "God Awful Teams" (I won't even mention the uncalled for Redskin love), but again he was cooking us food all night so I think I'm going go easy on him and just say all three guys could be the lone shinning spot for their struggling teams.

Two outta three aint bad is it? In my defense all three of the teams these guys are playing on are terrible, but these guys have been doing their part. Beast Mode has come on strong here at the end to be a strong RB2, maybe even RB1 dare I say, and Steve Smith (thanks to Cam I Am) is leading the NFL in receiving yards.  Now as for the CJ Spiller thing, who knew that at this point he would actually be the starting running back? Alec no longer has him, so we can't give him too much credit for that pick and Stilt is excited about it and Pitz is still cringing about. Well enough about a missed opportunity for Alec, lets talk about how this poor guy drowned away his sorrows last Monday as he assumed his team (which was deserving of a playoff spot all year) was about to get the booby schmoo and get eliminated after a few games of bad luck (see Kirby week 2 and Will week 12). But the cute little bastard prevailed and will get to strike fear in the hearts of everyone that has to play the 6th seed. Good show ole chap!

Ok, so I intended to do this for all 12 teams, but I've been battling a mini-flu thing and even just got sent home from work. Half a bottle of nyquil later and I don't see me staying coherent long enough to finish the non playoff teams. Considering nobody cares about the second tier bracket I will probably do it next week...or if these drugs work well enough this could be the greatest post I've ever posted!!!

Week 12 Recap

At 6-7 last year Peach finished in the dreaded 7th spot with Stilt slipping into the 6th seed at 7-6. This year our 7th and 8th seeds could both be 7-6. Basically the playoffs have started already. Half the playoff field has yet to be determined!!! Of course the Commissioner's Hand, Marc Pitonzo, will cover all of the playoff implications in his weekly playoff predictor page later this week and I see no reason to steal any of his thunder just now (especially after stealing a victory from him this week). Pitz will do the predicting, I will do some recapping since we had some pretty important matchups this week that set the stage for the most exciting week 13 in the history of fantasy football. NO HYPERBOLE! Ok maybe a little.

There was a massacre where Titus beat Kirby by more then 70 points to put himself atop the 7-5 teams. Larsen and Stilt pulled the ole "getting the job done" and got to the coveted 7-5 level. There was also THE upset of the week when the Mark Ingram show dealt Pitz his second loss in so many weeks. There was the clash of the titans between Dan and Jason! Dan looked came across as a resident on Mount Olympus...and Jason was very mortal. A goat, even, if you will. Finally there was the epic desire of two teams battling it out tooth and nail, with Will coming across victorious and making next week very exciting!

Wu Rule #1 - Jason - REALLY? REALLY? REALLY? All of that and then nothing? If you didn't know, Jason doesn't make bets. He however is not against talking about bets, proposing bets, and backing away from them. Look, if you haven't been reading my blog (well then I'm sure you aren't right now) I am a huge believer in Fantasy Karma. Jason just had to face Karma face to face (FACE!)....and this is how it ended. Add a McCoy toe injury in there as well and wow, that is some awful karma. It is a good thing he has that first round bye locked up, so that McCoy has plenty of time to heal. I have a feeling we won't be hearing much from the league leader in the near future.

Just The Tip Drill - Pitz - Speaking of karma. With the Saints running the ball (FINALLY!!! I don't see good Karma in Sean Payton's playoffs) I get a text from Pitz. "It's a good thing this game [the IDP matchup] isn't close or I'd be having a heart attack. A yard here yard here, no biggie." I cannot make this stuff up, but at that exact moment Mark "The Great" Ingram dashed 38 yards past a number of New York Football Giants defenders who had come up with numerous places they would rather be then chasing after the fleet footed rookie. The effort was terrible and just that quickly the NFL and IDP games were both over. It is at this moment that I would like to give the Ma-Ti award for worthlessness this week to Mr. Mike Wallace. 2 catches, 17 yards, 1.7 points. Bravo, Mikey. Bravo.

Black Rice Act II - Dan - Damn. Do you know how much fun it was just dogging the top teams? Two terrible losses from our 1 and 2 seed and this blog was starting to get fun for me. Sadly I can't rip Dan's team. I can't figure out if it's because I have his second round pick, or because I just can't say no to that dashing quarterback on his team, but I don't hate Dan as much as I normally do. Don't worry. It will come. Just not there yet. Outside of Fantasy Karma the other theme for this week is that, was this not the definition of fortune favoring the bold? Dan takes an idea from Jason and basically lays it all out there, loser loses their best running back. We aren't talking about Jackie Battle and Montario Hardesty here folks. This bet would have had one team lose Arian Foster or LeSean McCoy. High stakes. That's why everyone was all in. This was the most intense bet anyone has ever presented in our short leagues history. The Gods don't like when things are taken away from their followers. Wait...Dan used to do predictions...those are gone...AHHHH...my head hurts now. Calm down, calm down, just listen to Wayne. I need to end this and what better way then to talk about Burritos. Did I hear somewhere that Chipotle now has brown/black rice? Did I make this up? Did Dan make this happen? Do I really want a burrito? Yes....to the last question. I don't know to the rest.

Grundle Stains - Titus - Ok. Hypotetically speaking. You're about to play Titus and the fantasy God of Predictions says to you "Ray Rice  will score single digit points, Megatron won't break 11, and RunDMC wont play" don't you take that every damn time, and twice on Sunday??? Sorry, but how often do you really get to use the saying "twice on Sunday"? I enjoyed saying it. Anyway, all of those things happened to Titus this weekend, and yet he scored 103 points. Help me Norm. Well it all makes sense when you realize that Jordy Nelson scored 2.7, and Kevin Smith left his game in the first half on a stretcher. WAIT. No it doesn't. It makes sense when you realize that he got 45 points from a kicker and a defense. Yup. And Pitz wrote last week that you cant win with kicking and defense. We all feel a bit upset right?

FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - What a unified victory for team Stiltner. All team members came together as one on this day. Wes Welker (22.6) was the center of attention, and had all the right moves in his white jersey. He was making it look so good that no one could take their eyes off him. Cam'Ron (19.62) kept the party going, and the Ravens defense (18.00) came through during a happy family occasion. Great victory Stilt. You should be very proud and happy of what you accomplished this week. I know we are all thrilled for you and wish you the best of luck as you continue to move one step closer to getting that ring. AHHHH HA!!!

ZUnstoppableForce - Lars - YES! Get to be Debbie downer again. Yes, Lars did get the win. You are correct, but shouldn't there be just a little bit of concern going against Titus next week in a win and you're in game right after scoring the 3rd fewest points this week? The only two people who had worse weeks were 4-8 Kirby, and Lar's 3-8 opponent Hittner. Ok the downer lasted long enough. Strong possibility we may see from Mr. Beanie "26 points on the bench" Wells again soon. Also I'm sure he will have Miles Austin and the bum hamstring at some point, right? No #3 pick could be that big of a bust. Ok I meant to stop with the downer stuff. Look a win is a win is a win. Lars had a crap week, but he gets to fight another day, and really that's all we try to do in this league. Not like winning ugly has stopped Jason, and all that did was get him first place for the regular season.

Rodgers rejects - Will - Well that was rather impressive. At 5-6 Will's back was against the wall, and a loss to Alec would have all but sure that Will would have his second consecutive season watching the playoffs from home. Or ya know somewhere that you can watch fantasy football playoffs. I'm sure there is such a place. The rejects were anything but this week as they demolished the field pumping out 140 points, which Dan will tell us just how good of a score that is (I don't feel like looking it up). Just one week after I insulted Will for giving up a 3rd rounder for Cedric Benson, the Bengals running back scored 19 points. No surprise here but Aaron Rodgers put up over 20 points for the rejects, but the surprise is that he did not lead the team in scoring (20.4). No sir, that distinction goes to the epic performance of one Jimmy Graham. Remember how we all thought Will was reaching for Graham in the fourth round? Sheesh. Though there is someone who wasn't that thrilled with Grahams performance however.

Grundy Grabbers - Alec - Yea. Alec was that guy if you didn't pick up on that. I had the good fortune to be with Alec on Monday night as we rooted against Jimmy Graham, Brandon Jacobs and of course neither one of us wanted to see Pierre Thomas to ever be on the field. Alec was tending bar at his work of course and was only able to take in so much of the game at certain times. Which made it all that more depressing watching his reactions to Mike Tirico yelling "Touchdown, New Orleans". There would always be a deep breath then a slow turn towards the television, then what felt like an eternity was actually just a second long process of Alec attempting to piece together what number the receiver is wearing and all coming together as Alec's head would drop back and he would stare at the ceiling in an odd combination of rage and apathy. It was almost as if he was fully aware that he was on the path to another high scoring defeat, similar to the one he had against Kirby in week 2, and it burned him up inside that there was nothing he could do to stop it. There were a few moments of joy for the barkeep though, like every time the Giants offense was on the field. Upon Jimmy Graham's last touchdown which put Will ahead permanently there was no slow process for Alec. No, this time was just a quick immediate screaming of  "FUUUUUUUUUCK". Then a slew of other obscenities. We sat at his bar doing side work and closing down shop while throwing back a few end of the night brews. The two of us could not have been feeling more different (get to that later). Alec just kept driving home the point though the entire time we talked "My team is too good to be in this position". It would appear as if he is right, but he still is. The good news for Alec is that Tommy Touchdown plays the Colts this week, that should help as he attempts to control his own fate.

corn on the kolb - Kirby - How long can you go with a team named after Kevin Kolb? Nobody who ever had Kolb on their team, neither fantasy nor forreal football would keep kolb in their name. Is that the reason that Kirby only has 4 victories this year? No, but it still is fun to discuss. The kolbs (lower cased and all) were responsible for the second lowest score of the week of the week, but still find themselves in solid position to avoid being the dreaded last place team. The only exciting part of this team is Victor Cruz and the 27.7 points the nondrafted player scored this week.Kirby  can say that he is right now one of two players to have yet to make the playoffs. Last year he ended up with the number 5 overall pick, and this year he appears to be on his way to moving up one more spot to get the 4th overall. That is no guarantee of course. This team could still climb up that draft board. Yea...I really had nothing here... I would like to point out one gianantic flaw of Kirby's team this week. Sitting on his bench was Pittsburgh's defense (13.00) facing Kansas City and Tyler Palco. He started the Giants (-4.00) against Drew Brees. And I thought Hittner was tanking.

Do You Like Apples? - Hittner - As you can see by his point total this week Hittner has stopped paying attention to the league entirely now as there is no point since the trade deadline is over. There are two things about this team that do not surprise me though. First of all the highest scoring player this week for Hittner was Tim Tebow (16.42). Of course he was the highest!!! The only surprise to me is that Tebow wasn't the highest scoring overall player. He's TEBOW!!! The other thing that about this team that failed to surprise me was that Hittner's bench was 12 points away from tying his starters. How many weeks has this guy been tanking it? Oh right he "HAS" to start James Starks. I think he wants to. He is eying up the #2 overall pick. OOOOH my spiky haired friend, be careful with this game you're playing. It could backfire on you quickly.

Marchioness Disaster - Death - It's story time again. Week one on Thursday night after a pass interference call the Saints were on the 1 yard line against the Green Bay Packers, with 0 seconds left in the game. In an interesting move Sean Payton hands the ball off to a rookie running running back who gets stopped and the Packers start their march to perfection. Death started Ingram against Pitz that week and was rewarded with 4 points for the decision. If Ingram gets in I still do not beat Pitz, but I do think it changes the dynamic of the rest of the season. Since then you could see Sean Payton's hesitancy to give Ingram the ball in those situations. He feels more confident in having Drew throw (can only argue so much there). I also have to question if the number of carries would have increased throughout the season if Ingram punches that in and wins such a high profile game. Unfortunately none of these things happened and Ingram and I have both felt the sting of that outcome. Mark gets about 9 carries a game, and I have been battered all season about drafting the rookie so high (when that wasn't even my worst pick). So when Ingram took the toss and sprinted 30 yards past the entire Giants defense to win me the third game of my season, yes I did embrace it a little more then I should have. A piece of my heart grew 22 sizes that day. My prophecy hasn't come true yet, but Mark Ingram won me a game. Assuming Jahvid's head hadn't stopped working this season, and I had one or two more Ingram moments like this year may have been alot more fun for me. Ah well. I'll just embrace an angry Ingram centered email from Pitz as the highlight of the year.      

The Tolbert Report - Peach - This has not been a good run for Peach. While he seemed to be turning a corner at the end of last season, he appeared to get lost Mr. Magoo style and keep stumbling towards the bottom of our standings. He is already one of two teams that has failed to make it to the playoffs in either of the two seasons and soon enough could be the first person to have the number 1 overall pick twice! We've only had 3 drafts!!! Not the best showing for a guy who works for ESPN. Hey! Atleast he has his Eagles!!!

Whelp, that's all I got for this edition of as the IDP powers. I am going to leave you all with this little nugget. EVERY MATCH UP HAS SOME IMPLICATION THIS WEEK!!! (And we all know about implications) We may be figthing for a playoff spot, we may be fighting for a first round bye, we may be fighting to not be beer bitch, we may even be fighting the urge to bench LeSean McCoy, but ethier way we are all fighting. And thanks to a reminder from Hittner and Coach V, WE WON'T GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE UP!!!

Week 11 Recap

This started out as being just another recap for week 10 along with breaking down all the trades we made. Well holy crap we made alot of trades. The time basically got away from me so here's my week 10 recap: Dan was really good, Jason continues to be really lucky, and I have no idea what Kirby and Titus are going to do week to week. Also, Tebow is awesome. Any questions? No? Good.

9/10/11

Pitz gets: Kellen Winslow, Peach's 6th round pick
Peach gets: Matt Cassel, Jared Cook, Pitz's 7th round pick

Fast forward to right now and the rights to Pitz's 7th round pick is the only thing still in possession of either of these two teams. With that being said, Pitz still wins. Week 1; Cassel and Cook combined for 8 points, week 2; Cassel was on the bench and Cook was dropped, and on week 3; both were dropped. Pitz atleast used Winslow and the draft pick in packages to help him get Tony Gonzalez and Steven Jackson. Not. Even. Close.

Winner: Pitz

9/19/11

Pitz gets: Nate Burleson, Hittners 9th round pick
Hittner gets: Dexter McCluster, Pitz 10th round pick

Ah memories. No, no, seriously guys Nate is gonna break out, look at the preseason rankings!!! Yea, and McCluster is going to have his chance to breakout in his new starting role (aka Pitz's two year prophecy). At the time, yes this made sense...but now I just don't care. I'll give it to Hittner because I can't give Pitz another win this soon (since I know another is coming).  Plus AD did lose Jamaal Charles so I think he was in step 3 of grief, bargaining. "It's ok, Dexter will just fill the same role. He can be Jamaal. I know he can!"

Winner: Hittner

9/20/2011

Hittner gets: James Starks
Titus gets: Jordy Nelson

I'm not gonna lie. At the time I thought this was a no brainier for Hittner. Down the road Starks was gonna start getting more touches and Jordy was a #4 receiver. Now here we are two months later and its a no brainier. Jordy, Jordy, Jordy, Jordy.

Winner: Titus

9/27/2011

Peach gets: LeGarrette Blount
Pitz gets: Hakeem Nicks

Another at the time was a good move, but in the end...clear winner. LeGarrette struggled to get time with Tampa due to them constantly playing from behind and then had injury problems later (we'll get to that later). Nicks has had some injury problems as well, but overall has been a good complement for Pitz.

Winner: Pitz

9/28/2011

Larsen gets: Marques Colston, Hittner's 8th round pick
Hittner gets: Tony Romo, Larsen's 10th round pick

Lars and Tony never hit it off. He was mad at me for the trade that we made in the offseason (Romo for a 3rd rounder which became Santonio Holmes, which I can still surprisingly call a win), and had now fallen into a very comfortable relationship with Matthew Stafford. And yet I still look at this like it was just a terrible break up and Larsen jumped into bed with the first competent receiver he could find(yup, let your mind go there). Meanwhile Hittner has the best quarterback on his roster since he borrowed Aaron Rodgers for the playoffs last season and he got that by trading a waiver wire pick up. Hmmm, I don't think about this often, butmaybe that loan trade is the negative karma that killed his season, still don't know mine. 

Winner: Hittner

10/10/2011

Jason gets: LeGarrette Blount, Peach's 4th rounder
Peach gets: Ryan Grant, Jason's 2nd round pick

WOW. I was originally just going to talk about how amazing it was that Jason even made a trade but I did not remember there being a second round pick involved in this. Fortunetly he only loses two rounds to Peach's 4th (actually much more if Jason stays in the #1 position that is a very early 2nd and Peach's would be a very late 4th). Add that to the reaction Jason made after Blount went down to injury when he yelled "I never needed to trade Ryan Grant". Yea, the same Ryan Grant who he cursed about having since day one. I never do these things fair, so when you say dumb things like that you don't win. And I'm still bitter about James Jones getting ONE reception for 9 yards to beat me and then going without a catch a week later.

Winner: Peach

10/11/2011

Death gets: Pitz's 2nd round pick, Peach's 6th round pick
Pitz gets: Steven Jackson, Death's 7th round pick

Steven has more then produced for Pitz, meaning that 2nd round pick stays higher. I will give Pitz the credit of picking up SJax at his lowest value, and making the trade before the running back craze happened. I also remember the story of how this trade happened. Me and Pitz were negotiating back and forth where I first asked for a 2nd rounder for SJax straight up. Pitz would counter offer and I would decline. Eventually Pitz offered the 2nd and 6th that were in the deal for my 7th and 10th along with SJax. I stared at the offer for awhile before I asked him to drop the 10th. Pitz agreed and next thing I know I got the 2nd rounder and jumped up a few spots from the 7th into the 6th. I can see this going either way, but due to the fact that I totally Bugs Bunny'd Pitz I'm giving myself the win.

Winner: Death

10/18/2011

Alec gets: Ahmad Bradshaw
Pitz gets: Alec's 1st round pick

So 7 days after Pitz and I have a pretty even trade for a stud running back for a second round pick, Alec loses his mind and gives up his 1st for a lesser running back. ALEC, COME ON MAN!!! Yes I'm more upset because I have a 2nd and not a 1st, but come on! Since the trade these numbers are; week 7 - Sjax (13.3), AB (bye); week 8 Sjax (31.1), AB (8.8), week 9 Sjax (14.2), AB (0), week 10 Sjax (13.1), AB (0 and on Alec's bench). Yea. Alec lost. Alec lost bad.

Winner: Pitz, because of how bad Alec lost

10/26/2011

Death gets: Chris Johnson, Philip Rivers, 2nd round pick (2012), 5th round pick (2013)

Dan gets: Drew Brees

That is quite the haul. Buying low on two players who in previous years have been top 5 at their position, along with two draft picks, one of which is a 2nd rounder, and its hard to argue against the bounty Death came away with.  Then again when the other side of the deal is a player who is number 3 overall in scoring this season, who averages around 20 points a week, and has another full year left on his contract, well then maybe its not that hard to debate the two sides to the deal. The true winner will be decided over time, obviously waiting to see if CJ?K and Philip Rivers can return to form and if I don't completely botch the second round next year (totally possible), but with that being said I think the guy who puts himself in position to win now usually comes out ahead. God I love Drew.

Winner: Dan

10/26/2011

Titus gets: Maurice Jones-Drew, Hittners 12 round pick

Hittner gets: Joseph Addai, Titus 1st round pick, Titus 6th round pick

I don't know, I think I would rather have MJD over Addai. Oh! Draft picks. Good thing that 12 rounder came into play because I don't think this deal gets done without it. I'm picturing this deal going down with the parameters already set, AD gets the first rounder and Titus gets MJD. Then all of a sudden Titus asks Hittner to throw in the 12 rounder for good measure. This does not go over well with Hittner. He starts throwing things, he's yelling at his dog, he threatens to end the deal!!! Savvy Titus offers Hittner Joseph Addai, but all this does is anger the Hittner more!!! The Hittner doesn't care about players!!! More draft picks!!! Only then did the 6th rounder get involved in the deal, and that's the true story about how this deal came to be. Or Titus was just gonna drop Addai, I'm not sure. Ethier way I think Titus put himself in a good position to win now (always the idea), but a 1st and a 6th may stink a bit of concern for RunDMC. Good work selling high AD...and throwing tantrums. (Side bar, I completely see the hypocracy of me constantly ripping on Hittner for selling off his team, when I have been selling of my team just as long. I just stand by that I was NEVER 3-4 and in the hunt this season. Also would you really want me to use logic and deny you guys the character of obsessed with draft picks Hittner? NO! That would be like Eddie Murphy killing off Buckwheat. Nevermind.)

Winner: Hittner

10/28/2011

Will gets: Cedric Benson

Death gets: 3rd rounder

The 10/28 trades were not as fun as the 10/26. I remember going back and forth over the Brees deal, agreeing to it and then feeling sick to my stomach. It was nerve racking, and Dan felt the exact same way. Just as soon as I thought Dan and I had set a blockbuster that would send tremors throughout the league for years to come, AD and Titus complete a deal that makes my jaw drop. Then the trades of 10/28 happen. I'm not even gonna talk about this deal and I think the winner/loser makes perfect sense.

Winner: Death

10/28/2011

Dan gets: 4th round pick

Titus gets: Owen Daniels

Forgot all about this trade. Forgot all about Dan trying to trade Owen Daniels since week 3. Forgot all about how much of his draft Titus has already traded away. Forgot that Titus had been using Dustin Keller all year long. Forgot that Titus used one of his two first round picks on Dallas Clark. Forgot Dan had Rob Gronkowski....wait nobody forgot about that. Dan has the best tight end in the game (fantasy speaking). Traded a back up. Winner.

Winner: Dan

11/9/2011

Dan gets: Roddy White, Hittners 2nd rounder, Pitz's 10th round pick

Hittner gets: Eric Decker, 1st rounder, 7th rounder

I have no idea here.When the trade first happened Hittner asked me what I thought of the trade and my answer was, "I don't know". I still don't. At first I figured this was a steal for Dan. Trading back less then a full round to get a guy who is an elite wide receiver. Well then I learn that Decker has actually been better then Roddy White this year, but he is easily the most infuriating wide receiver in the game (trust me check out weeks I started him as oppose to weeks he was on the bench. If I start him he was negative, on my bench he puts up 20, I don't get it.). So, Hittner trades up and gets into the first round...again. I, just don't know. Guess that means that when you can't find a winner, you can't find a loser. Good trade boys, good trade.

Winner: Even

11/16/2011

Pitz gets: Tony Gonzalez, 10th round pick

Kirby gets: Kellen Winslow, 6th round pick

Isn't it funny how some players biggest role in our season is how they are involved in trades and not starting lineups? Kellen Winslow was a mainstay on the Tip Drill for most of the year but  now turns into a far more consistent and reliable Tony G. In exchange Kirby gave up a back up tight end to move up 4 rounds in the draft. This is honestly one of the most even trades. I really don't have much else to go over with this one, but I can't do back to back evens can I? Screw it, I can.

Winner: Even

11/17/2011

Pitz gets: Tony Romo, Eric Decker, Death's 4th round pick

Death gets: Micheal Vick, Death's 7th round pick (from Pitz)

Hittner gets: Tim Tebow, Hakeem Nicks, Death's 5th round pick

Oh yea! This happened! Going over this deal all day more or less drained me from a mental stand point. Trying to find a deal to make two people happy is difficult enough, but three stubborn bastards? Well that just seems impossible. The funnies part about this deal to me is that it marks the 3rd time Tony Romo was traded, the second time Eric Decker, Micheal Vick and Hakeem Nicks have all been traded. We even had a twice traded draft pick in this deal. Guess it's fair to say nobody was overly committed to anyone in this deal. I love some key points of the trade for some of us. Pitz getting Romo for the rest of his playoff run (Vick had hurt ribs and nobody can win with Matt Hasselback) and Hittner getting a keeper and an extra draft pick. Fortunately I am in the head of Death so I understand what the end game of this trade was, but at first glance I'm going to say that for a team that already has Philip Rivers, trading that much for Vick doesn't make sense. All in all I think everyone did well but I'm getting tired of picking even.

So, who expected a lame three way joke in there? Happy to disappoint.

Winner: Hittner

11/17/2011

Death gets: 1st round pick
Jason gets: Micheal Vick, 11th round pick, 12th round pick

Endgame! Another deal I actually love (outside of my inclusion). In the end I traded a waiver wire pick up, a 4th and 5th round pick to get into t he first round again. Jason meanwhile gets a player whom he has coveted as much as he has hated Ryan Grant. It does put him at a bit of a predicament that he will not have a 1st or 2nd round pick, but he will have Vick for the rest of this season when Eli Manning has to start facing the tough part of his schedule. I wanna give myself the win, but I'll say the 11th and 12th rounders make it a push. (Yup! There is sarcasm!!!) Although this deal did finish up my trade deadline moves with two 1st rounders, three  2nd rounders, and two 3rd rounders. So many rookie running backs to waste them on! Jason, I'm just doing this because I feel i need to win something this year, since it sure hasn't been fantasy football matchups (and if there had been actual scoring we both would have gotten failing grades, but yours would have been just a fraction better then mine. NOT BITTER AT ALL!!!)

Winner: Death

11/18/2011

Stilt gets: Reggie Bush
Hittner gets: 6th round pick

Bravo to Stilt here. This would have been a perfect opportunity for Hittner to jack up the asking price for a red hot Reggie Bush to a desperate team trying to make the playoffs who couldn't field a starting running back for his match-up. Which I honestly believe he did. I have no idea how the bargaining went, but this deal comes across as even or maybe even a bit towards Stilt. So, when the hell did Stilt talk to anyone? How did he make this trade happen? Did Hittner contact him? Is Stilt much savvier then we/I give him credit for? There were a lot of trades that surprised me this season, and yet somehow this one manages to be towards the top of my list. The top of my list was the Bradshaw deal. I hate Alec.

Winner: Stiltner

WOW! Ok that was alot. Atleast it felt like it to me, hopefully it didn't for you, the reader, because that would mean I'm doing a terrible job...at more then just fielding a competitive team. I don't know what stage it is when you start using humor to cope with your loss (the entire season in my case) but I'm there now (I'm calling it acceptance. HOORAY ACCEPTANCE!!!). Anyway there is no shot in hell that I am going to do the whole trade breakdown and then do team by team recaps. I don't get paid enough for that kind of madness, and besides it will basically be week 14 by the time I finish. So here's a few one hitter quitters before I wrap this up.

Jason - Call him lucky and he goes and bitch-slaps the whole league. Guy makes trades and wins now. There you go Jason, I complemented you, now expect your whole season to fall apart.

Pitz - As pointed out to me today, Pitz has not clenched a playoff spot yet. Could Pitz actually not make the playoffs? Do you still get GM of the year award if that happens?

Dan - Ok, we would all feel alot better if Micheal Bush would come back to reality. This is just uncalled for.

Titus - Titus would feel alot better then all of us if Micheal Bush would come back to reality, and RunDMC would start playing again.

Alec - No AllDay, and a must win game against Will. SO EXCITING!!! Atleast he has Bradshaw for these type of situations (I fully plan on wearing out Alec the way I tried to wear out Jason and Lars about not taking Forte. Seriously you assholes, why would you not have drafted Forte???)


Stilt - I just played the guy and I have no idea who is on his team. Seriously. Middle of the pack is perfect for him. Ahhhhh. Right. He has Cam Newton. Now he's screaming out, OH BOY!!!


Lars - Wasn't he just 3rd? This playoff race is awesome (other then my absence of course, ACCEPTANCE). I like to think that he would still be in 3rd if not higher if he had Forte. How's Miles Austin's hammy working out?


Will - Yup, I like to think the plummet of this team is directly related to my endorsement. Ah well, considering he still hasn't paid his dues for this season I'd say its karma.


Kirby - He plays Titus this week. If both teams break 200 or neither breaks 10 I wouldn't be surprised. I'm most excited for this matchup.


Hittner - Fact. I like Tebow more then Hittner does. Fact. It is really fun rooting for Tebow when you have 0 invested in him.


Peach - Never would have expected this pesky sonofabitch to put up such a fight to avoid last place. It's become rather frustrating at this point. (Fun fact. When I just typed in sonofabitch as one word spell check had nothing to say about it. Basically, jumbotron is considered an incorrect word, but sonofabitch is perfectly normal word. Hmmm is Sawyer in charge of spell check?)


Death - My team is in last. I haven't talked about wrestling yet. Here, enjoy this nugget since I ABSOLUTELY SUCK!!!


Now I head to bed, remembering the terrifying words that were spoken over and over again in Ottawa Canada when Pitz and I went up there for the NHL draft; "WE HAVE ANOTHER TRADE!!!"

Week 9 Recap

Busy week this week, so now I'm finally awake after my first post-surgery night of boozing and happy to report that the only thing that hurts is my head. I can't stress how amazing that feels. So as I rush to wrap this up so I can pound out TWO episodes of the league, don't think I'm not thinking of the poor folks who are sitting at their desk looking up reports of their fantasy team.

Let me help out some of you who were thinking to themselves "that Jacoby Ford was looking really good, what happened to him?" Well yes, he was looking amazing that's why I picked him up, so naturally I got his medical report...and yes its confirmed, hes dead. He got gangrene in his ankle and he will never play football again. Really? That's all for the intro, we are going for the record for shortest recap ever!!!

Wu Rule #1 - Jason - Sigh. This is what we've come to? Jason is in first? WHAT THE H? Atleast he dropped a 129 on Stilt this week for the win. We almost have to give him credit for that one. Of course it does help when Vincent Jackson goes for his second 30 point week of the season (guess whose pumped he only put up a 2 spot last night??? Pipe down Daniel Thomas and his hamstring are going to give you less. Damn. This season sucks. Wait is this talking in the 3rd and 4th person? Maybe, why don't you get back to talking about fantasy football. Ah, yea good point.) No surprise here, but LeSean McCoy had solid production (17.7), Witten took advantage of injured Miles Austin (13.1), and Eli had an amazing week as far as actual quarterbacking goes when he Tom Brady'd Tom Brady but you know what, his fantasy week was pretty good too (18.1). THe impressive move of the week though was Jason selecting the Arizona defense. Patrick Peterson had an amazing walk off 99 yard punt return, happens all the time no big deal, and Jason stashed away 18 points from a waiver wire d. That shit cray.

Just the Tip Drill - Pitz - So he gets cocky. Runs his mouth. Turns league against him. Loses to a 2-6 team. Sometimes these things just find a way to work themselves out. Also pointed out to me last week was that I mentioned Pitz in close to 50% of the team recaps, and he loved it!!! So in my effort to fully half ass this recap, were done here.

ZUnstoppableForce - Lars - I hate Lars after this week. I'll do most of my venting under my section, but I still  have a few nuggets for him here. First something good finally happens to me this year because my quarterback committed the most turnovers, so I get to pick the weekly prize and of course the guy I'm playing gets it. That feels so much worse then a double whammy. It's like a, I don't know what it's like but it sucks. I mean the dude gets a touchdown against me and $10 at the same time. I stare to the gods and wonder why have thou forsaken me? I was in a good mood this morning so I'm just going to go to the next one. I really hate the people at the top this season.

Grundy Grabbers - Alec - A few weeks ago after I did the level of hotness blog Alec told me I wasn't giving him enough credit. I looked at him and said "I wrote that your team is so good that it's underrated and you will be in the playoffs" he told me that wasn't enough. I don't know if that is just good confidence, or a 5-4 team's own delusion. The realism is that this team controls its own destiny. Two more wins should lock up his place in the post season festivities, and they shouldn't have my team to worry about knocking them out again (I'm just taking it when I can get it at this point, don't judge). Little foreshadowing, I am very excited to talk about Alec next week in my trade deadline recap special.

Grundle Stains - Titus - The loser of the Grundle bowl. This team without RunDMC and Megatron reminds me of what Will's team is like without Aaron Rodgers. Remember how Titus had all those early picks and he seemed like a lock to be the best team this year? I kinda do, its just tough to sort through all the memories of his "Big Keeper Three". If you see Titus in the playoffs go find a way to take out RunDMC and/or Megatron (leave Ray Rice alone!!!) and I'd say you have a 89.65% chance of winning comfortably. Pan to Dan nodding sadistically.

Black Rice Act II - Dan - And the winner of RunDMC is on crutches award goes to.....DAN CLEMSON and his pick up of Micheal Bush. That really should be in next week's recap after his 30 point showcase last night, but he scored 18.9 points last week as well!!! If RunDMC is out for a long period of time this is easily the best pick up of the season. Easily. FACT IT IS 11:11 ON 11/11/11 AS I'M WRITING THIS RIGHT NOW. Does that mean Dan wins something? YES HE WON THE RUNDMC IS ON CRUTCHES AWARD!!! Add that to winning the league last year and I'm getting really sick of Dan. I planned on actually talking about his team but I just made myself jealous and I'm kinda ready to move on to teams outside of the playoff picture.

FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - Now I don't know if this is true because I don't do any research before or during the creation of this blog, but I feel like Stilt is all over the standings whenever I write this. One week I think he was 3rd, one week he was 9th, this week 7th, next week he'll be 4th. Anyway his top scorers this week were Matt Ryan (22.00) and Ben Tate (17.5). Are you thinking what I'm thinking yet? Yea he got 22 from the guy we all knew was a terrible keeper, and 17 from a back up running back. I hate fantasy football. Next thing you're going to tell me is the guy who didn't bring anything paperwork or research to the draft is in first place. Wait.....

Rodgers Rejects - Will - 0-2 since his win against me and my kiss of death (no pun intended, but it does kinda work well) of me saying I'm rooting for him. At this rate he'll be right back in the top of the draft. Sorry buddy, but you shouldn't have beaten me. Of course he is playing Adam "I'm the guy who created the Titanic and put the iceberg in front of it because it wasn't the greatest ship ever made" Hittner. Of course when I get to AD I will continue to beat him down for his tankfest '11, but right now I wanna contemplate curses and karma. Will Hittner's revamped team since tanking started pull out another strong performance, or will my kiss of death to will be the stronger negative in the matchup? If Dan still wrote predictions I would like to think he'd take Hittner here.

corn on the kolb - Kirby - The enigma. His 8 scores; 76.86, 126.52, 66.8, 62.78, 105.58, 76.42, 66.66, 72.12, 110.34. Can you guess when Kirby got his 3 wins? Do you know who his 3 wins were agaisnt? Alec, Stilt and Pitz. Know who the 66.66 was against? Jason, who scored 69. Jason is due for some bad karma. He just is. Back to Kirby. He is the ONLY player in this league that I would expect to score 110, start his number one overall pick who is hurt and get a 0. He scored 110 with Peyton Hillis starting even though Hills has all but admitted he is done playing football this year. If you are in a must win at some point this season I suggest you stay clear of Kirby. Dude is like a landmine. I think one more team is being taken down by him before the season ends...but the rest of you will get to play a team that can't break 70. Good luck.

Do You Like Apples? - Hittner - So this is how I picture this and you can't convince me other wise. Hittner is in his basement, all lights are out except for the glow that comes from the laptop which he is staring at intently. His hands are holding each other with the two pointers pressed against his chin. He hasn't moved for 15 minutes. He knows there is something there, he just needs to find it. The riddle tugs at him like an abandoned child. Finally the hands move from the rested position on his chin. They open up to now cover his whole jaw and in a slow, relaxed motion he presses them upward attempting to release the tension that has taken over his exhausted face. A 10 page paper about physical mechanics of the human body he could do during half time of a game of Fifa. Analyzing his monthly budget never presented its self a challenge either. But this. This has become the Ali to his Frasier. Then it happens. The glow of the computer has changed. A repetitive flash has caught his eye. It's a message. "I need a WR. Interested?" YES! The opening he needed was there. Now it happens. Hittner figured it out. There is another way to make his team even worse this season. The deal gets made and the content gm gives himself 5 minutes and a glass of Crown Royal before he thinks to himself....can I sell high on Reggie Bush? He folds his hands and returns them to their rightful resting spot back on his chin.

Tebowing a Miracle - Death - I hate Lars. I hate that Rivers threw 2 TAINTS to his defense. I hate that Kevin Walter had one catch for 5 yards. I hate that Matt Cassel forgot John Baldwin was on his team. I hate that Daniel Thomas is the "power back" for Miami and yet hes more fragile then Jahvid. I hate that Jahvid may never play football again. I hate that I'm hearing Chris Ivory will get more touches. I hate Lars. I hate the Oakland defense who got me -2 points in a match up I lost by 5. I hate that I'm not wearing an awesome suit while I write this.

The Tolbert Report - Peach - Yup. This win makes me very uneasy. 90 plus points and he got a .6 from DJax. Crazy. 18.6 points from DeMarco Murray would normally make him the pick for best pick up this season, but outside of me and whoever is playing him nobody really cares about Peach. Cheers.

Big ups to Vets who got me off work today and to quote the Rock "Put boots to asses" over all the years making us the most bad ass country in the world. Fuck Yea indeed.

Week 8 Recap

According to Wikipedia a ghoul is "a folkloric monster associated with graveyards and consuming human flesh". I don't have a follow up to that. Just one of those things I was thinking about since yesterday was Halloween and of course its a like of Charlie's, and Sunny clips has become a reoccurring thing here lately. I also brought it up because its a great intro to some ramblings about potential Halloween ideas for this blog that I've decided would be stupid and am not going to dive into.

First I was contemplating making it based on how scary the upsets were this week, only problems was there wasn't any. Kinda hard to talk about how abnormal, spooky happenings take place the week of Halloween when everything worked as if there was no Mike Myers (the guy from Halloween, not the guy from the Love Guru...although the latter might be more terrifying). After that idea failed (and I'm kinda glad since I'm not sure how I was going to be able to drag that out) I started thinking about what are characteristics of Halloween that we could use for comparison purposes. For example Pitz could be a king sized candy bar that you get from the rich house that you had to go to when you went trick or treating, and Peach would be the rock that Charlie Brown got at every house when he went out trick or treating.

Ok side bar before I get back to the lecture at hand, why do all those kids treat Chuck Brown like shit every holiday? He gets rocks at Halloween, called a block head every time he sees a classmate, and doesn't even get respect from his dog. For fucksake at Christmas time they called him a failure because he bought a small tree because he saw character in it. What was the rest the cast doing while he was gone? Singing and dancing!!! This "blockhead" wrote a whole script, designed the sets, and was directing the worst collection of egos since the 2003 Lakers. Oh yea, hes in elementary school. So yea he came back with a tiny tree, maybe it was for artistic direction, but did any of those bitches think about that? Nope fucking sluts were too worried about their naturally curly red hair.  And finally that bitch Lucy. What a sick whore. First she charges him a dime (which apparently used to be a lot of money) for psychiatric help, but she jingles the money right in front of him and then offers no assistance other then crushing his self esteem. Then as we all know she promises to let him kick the football but always pulls it away at the last second. Really? Really? What you cant let the guy kick the ball once? What did he ever do to you? I'd bet shes amongst the kids who wouldn't let the Trix Rabbit or Lucky the Leprechaun have their cereal that they are the damn spokes person for. Kids are mean man.

Ok main bar. I nixed that idea because I feel like I do that all the time, and I'll probably rehash that idea for Thanksgiving again. I decided to go with talking about random Halloween things that I find interesting and see how much space I can fill. Of course my fourth idea was to go back and see what I wrote about this time last year, but I had already finished 3 paragraphs and decided that that idea wasn't going to work. Anyway a point for Halloween definitely goes to the slutty outfits girls wear. Yes I know exactly how cliche that sounds right about now but hear me out. I never fully appreciated it until this Sunday at the Ravens game when I could not stop staring at the cheerleaders in the second half. I mean I see these girls all the time when I'm there, and it's not like they have to wait till October 31 to wear little to no clothing. The epiphany I reached was that themed slutty is the best slutty ever. One chick was a slutty Ninja Turtle, and you know what? It worked. That makes no sense. Was it her purple mask that only covers her eyes, or the shell she was wearing on her back? I also know that I'm describing the possibility of there being a slutty hunchback, and on the right girl...it will be hot! Now lets be sure to cover the yin and the yang of this Holiday, and that's for every theme slutty there is a sloppy slutty. The sloppy slutty is not awesome, and usually is in form of a cat, or witch, or something else that's just as dumb (anyone see a hot Black Swan this year? Me either). Such a shame a few bad eggs go and have to ruin such a wonderful thing. Finally how did Halloween really come together? Did some guy want to see women scantly dressed, or was it all about the kids first? Which makes it really interesting when you think about how one developed into the other. Did some guy really want a holiday for kids to have fun and eat candy, but his bro just wanted chicks to just wear something other then those damn pilgrim outfits. I'm starting to go crossed now thinking which came first the pervert or the stranger with candy. Ok lets talk about football because this nonsense has gone on way too long.

Just The Tip Drill - Pitz - Annnnnd at the end of week 8 Pitz has become that guy. If you don't know what I'm talking about its because you haven't had a conversation with the guy about this league lately. He's becoming the guy that who was really poor, hit the lottery and is now just blowing all of his cash...while acting like he actually earned it. I mean of course he knew Fred Jackson was going to be in the discussing of MVP of the NFL this year. Of course none of us should be surprised that he has become this guy because lets be honest he always has been, its just his team is finally good enough for the ego to show through. This is the same guy who gave himself the gm of the year award last year. History lesson, he ended up with the #4 overall pick in the draft. In his defense he did make some good trades down the stretch to improve his team...but he was the same gm who drafted the shitty team in the first place. You don't get a plaque for tanking the draft. The one awesome thing this week was that this team has Steven Jackson, and I love a good Steven Jackson story. SJax basically put the Rams on his back, gave a whole speech to the team about no letting the game slip away and helped the Rams upset the New Orleans Saints. I love SJax and the 31 points he scored. Alec, wouldn't you have rather have gotten this guy for a first rounder??? I really hope St. Louis has a winning team in the near future. 

Wu Rule #1 - Jason - Another week another win, but unlike our leader he has actually been quiet it about it...which is good cause he was surging up the list of "Guy We All Want To See Lose". Gotta give the guy credit  (I mean as much credit as any manager in fantasy football deserves) this was a big win this week. Jason is currently tied for the #1 overall record in the league and just picked up a win on the #3 team, and both teams scored more then 70 points!!! Seriously! I looked it up and everything. Leading the way in the 95 point barrage was Shady McCoy who scored 32 points. Did you realize that McCoy is second in the NFL in rushing? I didn't even know he got any of these points from rushes. He is an Eagle right? They can't possibly run the ball. I'm so confused this year. Just make me go a little more cross-eyed lets talk about a pick up Jason made earlier this year that's paying dividends, Nate Washington. 15 points came from the wide receiver spot that Washington filled this week. Again, the Eagles are running the ball, the Ravens refuse to, Jason is paying attention, and cats are getting along with dogs.

Grundle Stains - Titus - Here is just a fantastic strategy when picking bye week defenses, pick the team playing John Beck or Rex Grossman. Titus went ahead and got 25 points from the Buffalo Bills which was just a little icing on the giant cake which was ass whopping on Ryan Stiltner. Ray Rice (27.9) finally did some poaching of tds as oppose to having them vultured from him, Megatron was Megatron (18.5), and new toy MJD was good for 13.4. I think its fair to say everyone is hoping RunDMC is still hurt, because as annoying as Pitz is getting this guy will be 890,348 times worse.

ZUnstoppableForce - Lars - First 4 games of the season this team was 4-0, the last 4 games 1-3. I'm not really sure where to go with this next, I want to make fun of him and bring up how his season could be disappearing yada yada...but he plays me next. I'm fairly confident since I have the power of Tebow, but you know I can't run my mouth too much right now and not expect some negative karma. Hypothetically speaking though this team does not have an easy run down the stretch, even if they beat the Flying Tebows this weekend. His upcoming games are as follows; Death, Pitz, Dan, AD and Titus. If he goes 3-2 in that stretch he finishes 8-5 and should be safe...if he finishes 2-3 then hes in the abyss of 7-6 teams and who knows who comes out of that!!!

Grundy Grabbers - Alec - Fun fact from one half of our league statistician team; Alec's fantasy defense allows an average of over 100 points per match up. Fun fact #2 Alec is one of six teams who have more points against then scored. Of those six teams two have .500 record (Dan is the other), the other four all have losing records. Basically he is the anti-Jason. Just marinate on this for a second, he played the jv team that Hittner has decided to run out there now in his quest to finish just out of Beer Bitch range and had to deal with Reggie Bush putting up double digits as he ran for over100 yards. Yea Reggie Bush. Speaking of which how funny are those Pizza Hut commercials with Reggie Bush? The guys are bragging about drafting him in their fantasy league, but they never mention when they get him. Are they all excited because they got him in the 8th round? Is Reggie happy cause he even got drafted? Why can't those commercials feature another back like Fred Jackson, or Ryan Torain? Where is Lendale White when you need him?

FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - What can I say here? His team has a decent week other then a few let downs, most noticeably Wes Welker, but he played a team that scored 134 points. I could go and breakdown this team but whats the point? 85 points didn't win, wasn't close, and no real good stories. So what I'm going to do instead is bring up a topic that I like to explore in this blog and talk about something that happened on Monday Night Raw. I have been watching wrestling for as long as I can remember, taking off for a year or two here and there, but like a battered wife with no self-respect I always come back more in love then before. Well Monday I saw something I had never seen before. On Monday the Muppets were the guest hosts and during a match between Jack Swagger and Santino Marella the loveable lab assistant Beaker INTERFERED IN A MATCH!!! It was awesome. I need more Muppets in my life. How can you go another day without wanting to see more of this guy?

Rodgers Rejects - Will - Last week I said I was rooting for Will, so of course he lost. Not only did he lose but he had a pretty lackluster performance from the majority of his team. Colt McCoy (13.64) was his leading scorer for crying out loud!!! I should rephrase that, Colt McCoy was the leading scorer of individual players, the majority of Will's points came from the upstart Cincinnati Bengal's defense, who benefited from the fact that Charlie Whitehurst has no idea how to play in the National Football League. I will once again come to defend Will though, since it's utterly unfair to assume that this team would be able to win when Aaron Rodgers was on a bye. I'm also not surprised he had to play Pitz this week, and me the week prior (remember, 80 yard bomb to Jennings who was WIDE OPEN!!!).

Black Rice Act II - Dan - I would be lying if I didn't get some satisfaction in Drew (12.66) having his worst game in 2 years while he played for a different team. It won't keep up, hes too damn good, but it was fun. What was interesting was that by Drew not being Drew we had a little bit of a game going into Sunday night between Dan and last place Chucky Peach. Fortunately for Dan Jeremy Maclin stepped up and put away a nice 11.4 day (I'll cover the rest of the match up at the bottom, unless I get tired of doing this and just quickly wrap it up). It is also kinda upsetting that Arian isn't a fluke. The guy put up 18.4 this year and has basically cemented himself as a top 5 pick in non keeper leagues for the next 3-5 years or so. Bastard.

Do You Like Apples? - AD - Damn! What amazing justice it would have been for Hittner to keep winning and then either just miss the playoffs or get smashed in round 1? He still loses by 6 if he replaces Delone Carter with MJD, but I'm going to pretend the math doesn't add up and that this was a win he should have had. Which brings me to an interesting point. Peach loved calling me out for selling my team, and I was winless at the time!!! Where is the AD hate Chuck? The only person that seems to be steaming about this is Pitz since he now is genuinely scared of Titus. Me? My feelings about it? Just one more team for me to leapfrog in my end of the season surge to running off 5 straight victories to make the playoffs (I actually have no idea if that gets me in or not, its just fun to have something to root for...AND I get to yell Tebow a lot), speaking of which...

Tebowing a Miracle - Death - Didn't forget about Kirby this week!!! So was this the week of the defense or what? I have already talked about Buffalo and Cincy for their 24 point effort, but that comes up right behind my boys from Detroit who gave me a hard 29 spot and basically lead me to victory this week. It was tough to enjoy my first week of CJ0k when I hear he started the game with 5 carries for 1 yard. I mean seriously there is no way hes this bad again, right? Right? RIIIIIGHT???? I miss Drew. Speaking of bad, have you seen any of the Tebow highlights? I think at one point he fumbles the ball in a throwing type motion and heaves the damn thing 30 yards backwards. Not good. Not good at all. Despite all that, he still outscored Drew Brees and Philip Rivers. Love me some Tebow. Lastly incase anyone looked at my team I want to talk about Montario Hardesty for a second. I picked this guy up a few weeks ago and stashed him on my roster waiting for him to breakout and start to get carries. Well thanks to injuries on my roster I start him on a week where Peyton Hillis (who Kirby/my opponent is starting) might not play. Boom! Hillis is wearing sweat pants on Sunday and Hardesty gets the start. That means Kirby will get a 0 and I get whatever Montario can do for me. What Montario does is carry the ball twice for 6 yards and tears his calf. ARE YOU SERIOUS BRO??? Now I won't complain too much because I got the win. But congrats Montario you have joined Eric Decker and Chad Ochocinco on my LIST!!!

corn on the kolb - Kirby - So, Victor Cruz...you're umm...hmmm...legit? Since getting regular playing time in week 3, Cruz has scored 23, 9.8, 20.4, 1.2, and 15.9. I think every team here would take that kind of production out of our wr2. The problem is here that other then Frank Gore (19.4) nobody else broke double digits (and he played a team that got 30 points out of a defense), and that formula usually results in a L for the week. I am wondering how Kirby plays out the rest of the season. With a match up with league leading Pitz on the horizon does he hold all his pieces or does Kirby become a seller before the Nov 18 trade deadline. So exciting, or not all...TBD.

The Tolbert Report - Peach - If I'm going into a Sunday Night game down 24 points with DeMarco Murray Dez Bryant, DeSean Jackson, and Philly's D, I'm feeling ok. I'm feeling really good when Philly's D is playing really well. I'm feeling less ok that Dallas is behind so much so they won't run the ball and can't get the ball to Dez. I'm feeling much worse when the lead is so big that Philly's big play receiver doesn't need to make big plays...and Romo still has no idea where Dez is lined up. I have Romo and Witten in another league and was down by about the same amount (with Bowe going on Monday Night...yes...I lost) and was so disgusted in the play of Dallas that I turned on the Walking Dead. No that was not a play on words to describe the Dallas team Sunday night, but I like where you were going with that. Anyway the Walking Dead was great, the game was awful, and I'm 3 weeks behind on Boardwalk Empire. Man...TV is really good now. Who needs the NBA?

That was me attempting to see how bitter I could make Peach while being subtle. Well its time to wrap this up just like Week 8, but before I go I was wondering if I could get some feedback. I mean yea you guys read it all the time, but you're kinda my friends so you might not always be open and honest about if this writing is good or not. So I'm going to turn this over to two guys who I know will give me what I'm looking for.

Waldorf, Statler...what did you think of the blog?