Week 6 Recap

Whatta week! Baltimore Marathon relay was this weekend and team Half-Fast kicked ass, (I forgot the stats exactly but Dan or AD can share) and we celebrated the was a kick ass relay team should. I got to watch Alec and Peach have deep meaningful conversations about the Redskins and Eagles (where we set a new record for amount of swear words used in a 3 hour period, seriously I think we made the Osbournes blush). I celebrate my birthday on Monday with 12 point from Santonio Holmes leading to my first victory. I get a birthday lunch at Abbey Burger where I had Kangaroo with mushroom and provolone, and finally I had surgery for the removal of my Gall Bladder. Ok maybe the last one isn't quite as good, but I got my first win!!! Coming in last place is bad enough, being beer bitch is far worse, getting the number one overall pick is great (Will and Greg Jennings nod approvingly), but to be 0-13 is that not the most embarrassing possible in this league? We are ruthless as it is (see exhibit A: Alec and Ahmad) but the possibility to have to hear about being the one team to NEVER record a win, unbearable. Can't you picture 15 years from now after I win my first league (thanks to an incredible run from Jahvid best in his last season in the NFL playing for the Ravens, it actually clenched us the #1 seed in the AFC!!!) I try to celebrate and talk some trash only to get 11 emails from 11 angry fantasy players reminding me about how in 2011 I wasn't able to win one game? I just felt sick in my stomach...even with my gall bladder in a trash can somewhere in Saint Agnes Hospital. Anyway I'm about to pop some more pills which make the world spin like my ceiling used to Freshman year at Towson, so lets just make this a character piece this week and break down the teams.

Just the Tip Drill - Peach - To score 132 points you need a great effort from your defense. Pitz got a goose egg. So much for winning with defense. Fred Jackson continues to be the best thing to happen to fantasy owners this year as he put up another 20 plus point day. The highlight for the Tip Drill had to be Ahmad Bradshaw's 31 point performance which lead to Alec offering his first round pick for next year. Talk about selling high! With Alec currently at 2-4 if his luck doesn't turn around Pitz will go into the off-season with 4 (atleast) potential keepers, a top 6 pick and another first rounder to boot. Will this become a dynasty? Or will Pitz fall back to his terrible drafting? Wait am I really fast forwarding to the end of next season? Slow it down kid, slow it down.

ZUnstoppableForce - Lars - Well that's how you bounce back after a loss. Lars only scored 74 last week leading to his first defeat of the season and it would appear he decided that it taste like stale Twizzlers marinated in vinegar wrapped in aged cabbage. Lars came back and scored 117 points thanks to 12 from his defense (seriously Pitz, what the H???). "The Burner" is coming back to be the first round draft pick Lars invisioned last year as he has scored 11 points or more in all but one game this season (3 weeks has been over 20), and with 20 and 17 points respectfully Stafford and Colston are coming across as good moves on Lars' part. This win is even more impressive because it was legit, as in Beanie Wells didn't score 78 points, and Miles Austin was a modest 7.4 points. Lars may actually be good....

Wu Rule #1 - Jason - Back in week 3 Jason lost to an explosive Grundle Stained team (wordage appropriately chosen) and he knew he had to make a move. The time had come. Along came Peach who had a interest in getting the bane of Jason's fantasy existence, Ryan Grant. Jason upgraded at running back and got Lagarette Blount. Well Blount got passed and someone dropped it. Had to put it out. Jason makes one trade, his guy gets hurt, and he told me the other night this is why he doesn't trade. That's how gun shy he is now. He actually had the balls to say to me "I didn't have to trade Ryan Grant". Yup, the guy he has hated since he first saw his roster. Only thing Jason had going for him was that he immediately realized his mistake in rooting against me and has since tried to get the fantasy gods back on his side. I don't know what or who Jason has sacrificed, but the gods are thankful.

Grundle Stains - Titus - I just looked at Megatron and said to myself "wow, he only had 11.2 points". That's the level Megatron is. Only quarterbacks are at that level. Ethier way Titus isn't fun to write about. Ray Rice (16.10), RunDMC (15.3) and Megatron. Rinse wash and repeat. I don't know how else to write about this team, but you make a hell of a third leg.

FreshPrincesofBelAir - Stilt - 3-3 right now gets you in fifth place. I started out thinking "Wow, Stilt has been secretly good this season." Then you have to look at the 3-3 record and realize that nothing is settled this year. Other then the top 3 I think we could see 3 different teams end up in the playoffs. Gonna be a very interesting season. Oh crap ummm Stilt...hmmm...he lost....and Mendenhall scored 1/3 of his points.

Rodgers Rejects- Will - I know he doesn't say much or ever as far as talking trash goes, but he wanted to win this week. A loss to Jason is arguably the hardest loss for Will to take. It was a clever idea for Will to pick "best wide receiver" this week, since he has Greg Jennings of course. Ironically Jennings only scored 8.2 points, his worst point total of the season. On the positive side two receivers were better then Jennings; one AJ Green (11.1) and the correctly drafted Jimmy Graham (12.4). But back to the negative side he still lost to Jason and is the second 3-3 team to be in the playoff hunt.

First or Last - Dan - So upon our arrival from St. Louis my plan was to write a blog 100% dedicated to a story about Dan in St. Louis, so I'll try to do it justice a few weeks later. We are leaving a Hooter's knock off called Show-Me's to head towards the stadium. The crew of the 6 of us (Jason was in the bathroom leaving us to pay for his food and consequently making us late to see the National Anthem, we still haven't forgiven him) start heading towards the Ed Rodgers Center and are walking through tailgates. Some are Rams some are Ravens, pretty sure everyone in STL was more worried about the Cardinals/Cubs then their young up and coming NFL team. One particular tailgate featured some a group of young male Rams fans who felt passionate about their team (probably the only 7 in the city who do). The Alpha of this group stepped forward wearing a backwards hat and a blue Chris Long #72 jersey (I'm kinda assuming, just run with it). This young man proved to be a knowledgeable fan of the NFL because he asked us all in a condescending fashion "Hey, remember when Kenny Britt went off for over 150 yards on you guys last week?". Fortunately we had a knowledgeable NFL fan with us. Dan hardly lets the young man finish before asking him in a similar manner "Hey, remember when you won a game?". Now I don't really know what happened next. The Rams fan may have been trying his best to actually remember  that glorious day when he last tasted victory, or he did have a comment but we were just too busy celebrating Dan's comment. Either way no words will ever do this exchange justice. It was the best comeback I have ever heard in my life, and I don't expect it to be over taken in a very very long time. Anyway he lost to Titus this week.

Grundy Grabbers - Alec - So 66 points is not good. In fact it may appear to drive people to desperate measures. Alec hit his panic switch (heh) and traded away his first rounder for Ahmad Bradshaw. I have 3 feelings about this move. First AD's analogy nailed it " Its like were all out at the bar, the pickings are slim, but were pretty good and drunk...suddenly we hear "last call!" And look around, and Alec decides to go all in on a wookie (bradshaw)...while some of us have just accepted going home alone this evening". Second I do respect the deal Alec made. He went all in on this season. He felt his team is good enough to contend so he made a move that should put him in position to do so. Third, I'm pretty pissed to know I could have gotten a first rounder for Steven Jackson. That was the most eventful thing Alec did this week. Other then half the conversations we had on Sunday that I just can't remember for the life of me.

corn on the kolb - Kirby - I don't like Kirby's new gig. He is becoming as boring as Lars is. He has the third least amount of points scored this year, nobody knows the last time he won a game, and he has to play Jason this week without Frank Gore. If I were a betting man, and I obviously am, I would bet against Kirby this week.

Do You Like Apples - Hittner - Love that this game was actually exciting. Two of the three lowest scores of the week came from this game...and it was intense!!! Going into the Monday Night Game Hittner needed 4 points from the under achieving Shonne Green against the terrible Miami Dolphins. Shonne took his sweet time dragging it out until late in the game before locking up the win with 7.7 points. Had AD lost this game he would be in a three way tie for worst record in the league, and Stilt would have a stronger lock on the playoffs. Just have to remember that in IDP...ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!

Naginatas Like These - Death - OOOOOOH snap! Guess whose not in last??? Me bitches! Peach also has to go against Pitz this weekend so I'm thinking I won't be in last for two straight weeks!!! Once again I have to stress the importance of winning this week for me. You have to avoid the implication of going 0-13. Ok I just wanted to link that one after seeing all of Dan's Sunny clips last week. The thing I have going this week is that I think I'm going to have a bet going with Will. If I win he has to start paying me rent again. What do you think?

The Tolbert Report - Peach - Well that was a bit of a dagger. Peach's team actually comes to play, second highest point total this season, and comes away with a last second loss at the hands of Santonio Holmes and the Naginatas Like These. Hey atleast the Iggles didn't lose to the Skins right???

Ok well on that note I'm gonna wrap this up. My quote of the week will come at the end of this clip from the league. I'ts an old Taco Japanese work of wisdom...