Season starts TOMORROW! Craziness. So naturally its time to start insulting each other for the next couple of months. The first shot is fired by Mr. Adam Hittner. Please enjoy his Draft review which allows me to sandbag not doing any work for another week. Ladies and gentleman, Hittners Recap:
OK.
So year 3 of IDP is upon us. I felt compelled to write a little IDP
season preview as we approach the first week of REAL football games.
You might recall I did something like this a year ago. I will save you
the suspense, I was right about EVERYTHING (except of course, for my own
team). So lets see if I can bat 1.000 two years in a row!
First
and foremost. After the draft (and after an ABUNDANCE of preseason
moves by some owners ::cough:: Jason Pack:: cough) I can look at the
rosters of every one of the IDP teams and see how they can be dangerous
on any given week. I will not make it a habit to say nice things about
Jason’s team or his management style. But he has Vick, Shady and
Vincent Jackson. Those are 3 solid players.
Team Previews:
Jason Pack- Now
to my more traditional approach with Jason. We had a 12 round draft
(plus 3 keepers). Since the conclusion of the draft Jason has made 8
moves (editors note: he's up to fucking 9 now...at one point he dropped
Evan Royster to pick up Mike Tolbert. Today he dropped Mike Tolbert to
pick up Evan Royster...Deck chairs on the titanic Jason, Deck chairs on
the Titanic...). Basically 2/3rds of his draft, he has changed...What
this says to me is why in the world is Jason so adamant about “not
trading away draft picks ever again”. He clearly doesn't need draft
picks. His plan is to take whatever players the rest of us leftover
after the draft, and try to beat us with them. If this works for the 2nd year in a row, fuck, I might have to quit fantasy football altogether.
Will Ray-
Everyone has heard of Aaron Rodgers right? Will owns that guy for one
more year, and when you own Rodgers, anythings possible. Additionally
A.J. Green and Jimmy Graham are huge assets that make a very potentially
dangerous team. Will does likely need some RB help. Roy Helu plays
for Mike Shanahan, so who the fuck knows what will happen there. The
Law-Firm was a great pickup and will be the strength of Will's running
game. If Knowshon of Legarrette overachieve a playoff run is likely.
Ryan Kirby-
In a year with tremendous WR depth, Kirby seems to have the market
cornered. He has last years breakout star Victor Cruz, paired with the
very consistent Roddy White, add Marques Colston as a flex option and
Stevie Johnson on the fucking bench! Oh!
Robert Meachem too! His Quarterback is a rapist, so that's certainly a
negative. BUT Kirby makes outstanding fucking beer so there is always
that. If Frank Gore has anything left in the tank for this year Kirby's
team could do big things. OH. Crazy WR depth...he TRADED AWAY Julio
Jones just before keepers were declared. Ridiculous!
Peach-
He gets one name and one name only. I am a little biased, I did vote
for Peach for best draft on draft night at Alec's. MJD has finally
reported, even if he isn't up to full speed for a couple of weeks, he
will be great. Keep in mind that he also drafted him for up to 3
years. He will be happy with the selection (way more than his FIRST #1
overall selection). If Demarco Murray is what he showed in about 6
quarters of action last year Peach will be a factor. Will Desean
Jackson give a shit this year is a HUGE question. This hurts Peach
doubly because, ya know, he's an Eagles fan. So Desean's douchiness
last year really double fucked poor
Peach...And the Peyton Manning debacle was just a complete an utter
lack of lubrication or foreplay all-around. It CANNOT be worse for
Peach this year. No fucking way.
Michael Larsen-
Matthew Stafford if he stays healthy will lead this team. Larry
Fitzgerald is as talented as any WR in the NFL...But John Skelton is not
good (but Kevin Kolb is full-on shitty, so it's an upgrade!) Michael
Turner, muck like MJD is hated in IDP. Nobody ever thinks he's any
good. We will see how that turns out. I love his backup, mostly for
his name. Trent Richardson has more knee surgeries than NFL carries.
But I did secretly hope he would fall to me in the draft (though I fell
off the bandwagon the week of the draft, after the 2nd surgery).
Brandon Pettigrew at TE is a good value selection, and the double-dip
with Stafford is nice there. Megatron will not score 16 times again
this year, but Detroit could and should still be prolific on offense.
Demaryius Thomas could get PeytoManning effect and become a huge factor
in driving this team to IDP glory.
Ryan Stiltner- I don't even want to talk about Stilt's team, or his draft. I don't even want to do my Dan impression and talk about his majestic locks. I wont even touch on his INCREDIBLE performance during a full-fledged pissed off fiancé phone call 4th of
July weekend (absolutely AMAZING!) I want to talk about his icing of
Jason. That was so perfectly played it was incredible. He just
casually left his backpack in the corner. WAITING for somebody to need,
well, anything. What did Jason need? Was it a pencil? A piece of
paper? A beach towel? A 3rd string kicker? Whatever it was Stilt claimed he had one “in the front pocket of my backpack over there” BOOM! Ice! My personal nominee for bamboozling of the season (until we get to Deaths recap)
Alec Eschbach- Alright, so my New Years Resolution (in IDP) is to be less of an ass to Alec...Only to Alec though, so fuck the rest of you guys. He's got a great QB (tho he's a little...uhh...fucking gay).
Bradshaw and Beast Mode, if they repeat last years successes will make
four outstanding RB options. After Death and I finished drafting in
round 7, we had a lot of time to talk at the draft. I REALLY hoped to
come out of the draft with Percy. Alec's man crush on Percy is much
greater than mine and so he came up with him again. (He has drafted him
3 straight years...ok fine he draft day traded for him this year...but
that shit counts). While the whole world will likely focus on Gronk!
this year, Hernandez could be huge for Alec (and as a side bonus, it
will piss off Dan). On the downside, Alec's roster currently has 3 players on it that were cut by their REAL teams...
Marc Pitonzo-
I personally liked this team better with Mike Wallace than with Brandon
Lloyd. But that is the type of move that could potentially lead Pitz
to the IDP promised land
Additionally he gets rid of one of his 2 keepers in the final year of a
contract...Good long term planning...Went for Matt Ryan at QB over Tony
Romo, everybody hates Romo too but he puts up fantasy points. Although
I see his logic, Roddy, Julio, Gonzalez, a solid running game. He
could be this years version of Matthew Stafford. Pitz does have Rashad
Jennings (who will be useful for much of the season, and will be a lead
RB for at least a couple weeks). Pitz starts Kyle Rudolph at TE. Who
the fuck is that? I was sure Pitz would keep Fred Jackson, as he ended
up on my team I am thrilled that he did not however. Thanks buddy!
Adam Hittner- I debuted the team name for the 2012-2013 season. Ya'll Must of Forgot http://www.youtube.com/
Potentially
the greatest pound for pound fighter ever. Creates potentially the
WORST hip-hop/r&b hybrid song ever. But he makes a great point. He
was down for a time, but he came back (look this was created many years
ago...) I tanked last year, decided
to build up my draft for this season and I am happy with the end
result. I am even pleased with what I ended up with at TE. The biggest
downside of my team, lack of TD's at the RB position. I've got JC and
Sproles, yardage guys who come out of the game in goalline areas. I'm
not super excited about this weakness, but I think Hakeem/Jordy/Dez make
a great trifecta of WR options. Eli and Cutler will handle QB duties
competently. I am confident on a return to respectability, the
playoffs, and hopefully a possible championship run!
Matt Death-
I love what Death did. He has so many players that are high-upside
potential big-time breakout players. Those are the players that win you
championships. Julio Jones, Ryan Mathews (I'm including him) Ingram
(of course) RGIII, Torrey Smith, Darrius Heyward-Bey...Any of these guys
could have HUGE years. Oh and he has MILES AUSTIN buried on that bench
too. AND if Michael Turner dies (sorry Larsen) he has Jacquizz Rodgers
who can can catch out of the backfield, and could be very valuable. I
think Death is one of the favorites for the title this year. Can you
IMAGINE how good his team would be if he didn't just DONATE a 3rd round
draft pick to Jason in a display of complete and utter brain fart like
none of us have ever seen. Add EITHER Percy Harvin, or Doug Martin to
his roster...just think about that for a second.
Dan Clemson-
Dan came into the draft with outstanding keepers. Probably the #1 RB
and #1 TE and Drew fucking Brees as QB. Drafted Brandon Lloyd, but
moved him for Mike Wallace (candidate to do a Desean Jackson impression
this year...) Ben Tate could be the X-factor here. Dan could
legitimately start two RBs from the same damn team and get serious
points from them both consistently. 2 IDP years, 2 trips to the
championship game, and 1 title. Dan will be a factor as always, but I
would rank him outside of the top 2 going into this season.
Fuck Titus-
That's his name right? Like his full government name? I don't believe
this Adrian bullshit, all I ever hear is “fuck Titus” so I assume we
are all just showing him due respect as the champ by using his
full-name. Whatever. His team is so fucking good he DROPPED MJD. He
didn't even try to trade him? Why??? Because fuck Titus,
that's why! Ray Rice and Run-DMC as starting RBs. Romo as his leader
at QB, and potential comeback years from Randy Moss and Mike Williams
are what fuck Titus is relying on this year. OH! And fuck Titus has VD
on his Tight End...some jokes are too easy, but need to be made anyways.
Power Rankings:
My completely biased, personal opinions on where each of the 12 teams in our league rank:
- Death
- Fuck Titus
- Dan
- Hittner
- Alec
- Pitz
- Stilt
- Peach
- Larsen
- Kirby
- Will
- Jason
I
spent VERY little time calculating the above rankings. Just my gut
feelings. I think fuck Titus is going to be hurt by lack of depth (as
he traded away a lot of draft picks to get last year's title). Similar
issue for Dan. Death has so much fucking upside it's ridiculous, if
some of those guys hit it big, he will be laughing all the way to the
bank...I just hope Jason doesn't embarrass himself anymore (though I
would rather he embarrass himself than the rest of us by beating
us...fuck Wu Rule #1)
Projected Champ!
Our commissioner, Matthew Philip Death is my preseason projected champion.
Projected Beerbitch!
Jason
Pack. Prepare to be VERY thirsty at next year's draft fellas. Peach
did not live up to Will's performance from the year before. But based
on how Jason has performed in the draft by itself, add beerbitch duties
to his day. May God have mercy on our souls.
Thanks
to Dan Clemson for his help in coming up with some outstanding visual
aides to assist in gettign across some o fth emore important points.
Alright
gentlemen! That's about it from me. Gave me a little something to do
before heading to bed...Good luck (but not too much luck) and don't
forget,Fuck Titus!
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