Week 15 Recap

Twas the last week of Fantasy and all we could hear,
Was Dan at the draft drinking a mug full of beer.
He will play Hittner whose moves have been so smart to the last,
It's just a shame that when he wins AD's such an ass.

Last week they got their wins over Death and Stilt,
Who after their upsets should be proud of the teams they had built.
Those wins came over the strong Alec and Titus,
Whose emails sounded like they may want to fight us.

Pride to the players of the playoffs they reached,
The feat is not easy just ask Chucky Peach.
His wide receivers were as good as they come,
But he drafted a Manning first which we all know was dumb.

Kirby's team was quite strong and could hit like a blitz,
Though he still wasn't happy so he traded with Pitz.
He got Anquan Boldin for that quarterback Vick,
Looking back now he must feel like a dick.


Lars, Jason, and Will round out the rest,
These 3 teams by no means could be called the best.
Their draft, moves and trades were all really lame,
Who cares about these losers lets talk championship game.


Now Arian! Now Jamaal! Now Lloyd, now Green-Ellis!
On Wallace! On Roddy! on Cedric, on Peyton Hillis!
What quarterbacks to start? Whatever will they do?
Dan start CJ2K! AD play Maurice Jones-Drew!

AD's defense is the Giants of New York,
Hes hoping Justin Tucks hits have all kinds of torque.
Dan's d is up north where they serve chowder,
He should be in good shape thanks to Vince Wilfork's power.

Matt Bryant's been solid a good kicker indeed,
Dan has a question mark will he really start Jeff Reed?
Were reaching the finish, the end of the race,
Wait we cant end the poem what about 3rd place?

The winner gets money so this is still a fight,
Both players will be glued to their tvs on Monday Night!
Drew Brees goes to Atlanta to take on Matt Ryan,
If Pierre Thomas goes crazy you will see Death crying.

Td's will be scored by Steven Jackson, maybe Kevin Boss,
Brandon Marshall and Andre Johnson should also grab a toss.
Too many players to list so I will skip the rest,
I just hope for a point from poor Javhid Best!

There is another game that features Pitz and Jason,
They play each other in the final of consolation.
How much trash will they talk maybe even a bet?
Make it a good one and well care about this game yet!

It would seem they do have it better then Alec this season,
He still watches those Redskins, I just don't see the reason.
Titus had a few rough weeks and might have grown a twitch,
How many times can that guy scream "son of a bitch"?

I want to include more about Lars but what do I say?
The guy is so quiet did he just get up and go away?
 Will is excited for next year, he starts it off with the number one pick!
Just don't take advice from Peach, he made his way too quick.


So much excitement to come in the one last week of fantasy,
I'm so happy we'll all be in Bethesda drinking a Boh 40!
It's been a great season so lets enjoy this holiday right,
Happy Christmas to all, now lets get drunk Sunday Night!

Editor's note* So I came up with the idea to do this poem during the week of Thanksgiving! I had been counting down the weeks making sure I didn't skip the Xmas week of games. I get online to read one of my favorite ESPN columnists, DJ Gallo, only to see he he posted this on Monday! Oh well. Great minds think alike right? Now time to break down the main match ups.


 White Rice vrs The Heaphopopotamus

On Sunday I went home to Pasadena after working the Ravens game to watch my nephew meet Santa for the first time. In case you're wondering he cried his ass off the entire time St. Nick was there. On my way back up 695 I was doing the mental math, "if he gets 10 points from New England's d, then I need 20 points a piece from Woodhead and Welker. Maybe Woodhead busts an early run, or Welker gets to return punts and scores." Countless examples I'm creating in my head until I hear on the radio "Dan Carpenter misses a potential 40 yard game tying field goal. It was one of his four misses on the day." FOUR!?!? FOUR?!?!? HE MISSED FOUR?!?!?! Now I cant wrap my mind around this at all. This guy carried me this year. He should be going to the Pro Bowl. Did they get blocked? Was he kicking from 70 yards out? Is he missing a foot? Wait a minute, am I now driving down 97 south? DAMNIT DAN CARPENTER! That's right. I was so confused over my kicker that I had gotten off 695 and taken 97 south all the way back to 100 on my way back to Baltimore. I kinda hope that story describes my Sunday.

Early on in the week I was hoping for Kyle Orton to get benched mid game putting Dan at a huge disadvantage, well unfortunately the Broncos announced they would start Tebow and gave Dan plenty of time to adjust.  The selection of Kerry Collins proved to pay dividends for Dan as the gray haired quarterback put up 16.28 points against Houston's terrible defense. That was just one of the many double digit scorers Dan had. Even though Arian Foster was held in check (6.10 points) CJ2K had 19.7 and Cedric Benson scored 21.0 points. Thanks Cleveland. I no longer take you seriously. Dan didn't need much more help after that. Death only had 3 players crack the double digit mark (Brees, Sjax, Brandon Marshall). I have already vented about Dan Carpenter, but I was pretty thrilled to see Pittsburgh's defense look terrible against the Jets. Putting aside all Ravens bias, did anyone see Mark Sanchez going that game with out a pick 6? Anyone? Rex Ryan and his crazy foot fetish both thought Mark was due for 3-4 dumb plays that would have scored points for me. And then there is Jahvid. Jahvid, Jahvid, Jahvid.....1.20 points. WHY CAN'T I  QUIT YOU???? Shame the underdog run came to an end this week, would have been nice if it was at least competitive. Dan rolls easily to championship.

BlairWhiteProject vs ProtectYourNeck
nephew w/out the n vs Just the Tip Drill

Yea, you only one paragraph for both your games, since I'm pretty sure Peach and Kirby didn't care about these match ups at all this weekend. Jason though does seem to care, really random time to do so, but good for him since his team has caught fire since they have been ruled out of playoff contention. 6 of Jason's 9 players scored at least double digits, and he rolled all over Peach and set himself up with a spot in the consolation championship (which means nothing). Pitz secured his place in the championship after winning the "Irony Bowl" where Mike Vick scored 40 points, which would have been more then 50% of what Kirby scored this week. Every week when I do this blog I point out two things, 1) Pitz trade rapped Kirby and 2) Peyton was a dumb pick. Both of those teams lost the non playoff bracket. No surprise. One last thing for Peach, is it just me or the more and more you read his trash talk of "Damn, Peyton was a terrible first pick" does it start to sound less and less sarcastic and more and more regretful? Jason and Pitz come up with a good bet so we will give two shits about this game next week. PLEEEEEEASE.

Gunners Treble vrs crash and burn

The match up for who has the worst team in the league. Congrats Lars, its you. Shocker neither team could break 62 points. Well at least Will gets the number one pick, Lars just has a shitty team and drafts 3rd. You both suck, just in case you didn't know.

Do You Like Apples? vrs Motor Boaters

As I mentioned earlier I had a lot going on Sunday and unfortunately wasn't able to watch the games at all. What I was able to do is pay attention to the Around the League updates being played at M and T Bank stadium The first one I saw was a TD pass from Matt Ryan to Micheal Jenkins. 4 points for Stilt. After that, well I feel like every highlight I saw featured somebody on AD's team. Well, when I say someone I mean Jamaal Charles. 21.3 points tied Jamaal as the top scorer in this match up with another player on AD's team, Jon Kitna. Kitna was a hot commodity this week as our top two seeds both had quarterback issues. Had Dan been able to get him Stilt may have just been able to pull off a victory this week. Sorry buddy. Regardless of who else was available on the wire Hittner was going to start Maclin and White. And why wouldn't he? 15.9 for Jeremy and 12.5 for Rowdy Roddy made up the foursome that was able to lock this game up for the number two seed. I will say this for Stilt, unlike the Commish he was able to make this a bit of a match up. Matt Ryan, Andre Johnson, Kevin Boss and Rashard Mendenhall all scored over 11 points.  Include the 12 points he got from the Jets defense in a big win over the Steelers and the 16 he got from Robbie Gould on Monday night and Stilt did have a pretty good week. Pretty good doesn't get you to the championship however. AD on the other hand will be going there, and that was after pedestrian performances from MJD, Peyton Hillis and Vernon Davis. Should be a great championship match.

Down to the last 3 games of the season (sorry, but the 9th place game doesn't count at all). One of which is pointless, one is for a few bucks, the other is for EVERYTHING! Games start tonight and I will leave you some advice in the words of the greatest Christmas song ever written! It's appropriately from "Twas the Night Before Christmas", you know the movie with the mice and the clock? If not watch it! Anyway.....
"...we'll do what's necessary cause, even a miracle needs a hand".